Road Trip to Washington, DC (Part 1)

We actually went to Washington, DC twice during my husbands two weeks leave. The first trip was literally the day after he came home. It was a bus trip arranged by the military 4H club to celebrate Month of the Military Child. It was Cherry Blossom Festival time, and we were dropped off just a block or so from the parade. Unfortunately, it took a little longer to get there than planned, and the parade was about to start, so the parade route was completely blocked by onlookers. We are nothing if not creative, and we quickly decided the steps of the FTC building would make a good vantage point.

See those people up on the high part? That's the rest of the family. It was so windy, and it was pretty high up, and the Monster refused to sit still, so the two of us climbed back down and went exploring on our own. DDS was able to take some nice shots of the parade, and maybe he'll upload them to Flickr at some point. But really, a parade is a parade, and unless I know people in it, I don't get excited. Monster apparently gets that from me, and we had a much better time searching for dandelions, climbing on statues, and just enjoying the day.

Finally, everyone was tired of the parade, and our group adventures began.

We wandered towards the Capital, since that was our next scheduled stop. We had to stop along the way and enjoy the Cherry Blossoms and some large rocks.

Then a visit to the Capital Building.

We gave Monster daddy's point and shoot camera to use while we were in DC and he took some nice photos. But my favorite was when he handed me the camera and asked me to take a picture of him.

After that, we had lunch in the Capital Cafeteria. Then we headed to the Air and Space Museum, since that was our bus pick up site. We explored a few of the rooms, did a few of the hands on activities,

then happily boarded the bus or home, exhausted.

It's spring, and I need a handyman

How do the days go by so fast but so slow at the same time.  I have so many things to write about, but by the time I've done the necessary chores, I'm so tired I just want to sleep.  And the words are backing up and I feel like if I don't get them out, I'm going to explode.  But then I sit down to write and I can't decide where to start, what to write about. 

I always feel a little spoiled when I talk about having a cleaning lady, especially in this economy.  But I seriously don't know how I would manage without her.  She comes every other week and scrubs my house.  This gives me the time I need to handle the other chores like laundry, dishes and such.  And coming home to that clean house is such a great feeling.  I will give up a lot to be able to afford her, but the truth is my husband's job is economy proof right now, and the extra money they get is there to help us adjust without them home. 

But I really need to find someone to help with the manly chores.  We have a distinct shortage of men in our family, and the few we do have aren't the handiest.  Today I fought with the lawnmower and weedeater, until I just decided I wasn't meant to mow.  Luckily my SIL mowed the front yard yesterday, and the neighbor has offered to mow for me when he mows his yard, so that will be one less thing for me to worry about.  I really don't mind mowing, but finding the time is hard.  And weedeating sucks.  This need is hitting home this weekend in my mind, and I dreamed this morning that someone hired a man for me while my husband is deployed.  I was so excited to have the "honey do" list getting whittled down, it was ridiculous.  (this is even funnier, since I rarely remember dreaming.  I've actually been told by a doctor that I probably don't dream, as I fall into deep sleep quickly most nights.  Sleep truly is my drug of choice...lol)

I'm hoping to get a few more things accomplished this weekend, and I'm hoping to find the time and desire to write.  I have lots of adventures to share.  In the meantime, I hear the laundry calling my name, and the dishwasher is joining in at the chorus.  Unfortunately for them, my bed's music is much more alluring, and harder to deny.

Feels like starting over...but not.

So this is the first day of the last six months.  And it seems a lot like the days a month or so ago.  But now the 6 months looms ahead. 

I started running through the activities of the week in my mind the other night, and before I knew it, I was at the start of next school year.  We have several busy months coming up, and the time will pass quickly, I know.

But today was rainy, and chilly, and Monday, and the day after I dropped him off at the airport.  Not a good day.

So dinner was potato soup and salad...it was easy and we had the ingredients on hand.

And now I wish the dishes would load themselves.  I need to get off my butt and do it myself so I can go to bed.

Thank goodness someone else cooks for us tomorrow night.

And with that, I will load my dishes, and trudge up to my bed alone.  That's one of the suckiest parts.

Vacation...of a sorts

My hubby was home for his two weeks of mid-tour leave, and left today to begin his journey back to Iraq.  We packed those two weeks with a lot of fun, and I have a lot to write about over the next few days.  We went to Washington, DC twice and met the Vice President once.  We went to New York and saw Wicked on Broadway.  We rode the motorcyle and finished projects in Monster's room.  We snuggled and laughed and talked and held hands.  It was almost like he hadn't been gone.

But tonight, I'm just trying to focus on getting through, and starting the second half of this deployment.  Of course we know we can handle it...we've been handling it for the past six months just fine.  But the next few weeks is going to be tough for us all.  We have to relocate that groove, and not focus on how much longer we have to get through.

So come back over the next few days and hear about the excitement!

7 days - in pictures

I'm participating in the 7 days run again this spring...and it's been fun!  Here's my shots so far.

Day 1

I was running all day Sat. and had originally planned a shot with my son in the mirror during martial arts.  But I didn't sit in the right spot, and I was running late, and I forgot.  So this is me kicked back that night.

Day 2

My hubby sent me flowers a couple of weeks ago, and these are the ones that were still alive, with a few daffodils added in.  The theme this day was Yellow.

Day 3

My son did such a great job Saturday that I promised him a new uniform.  Here I am hemming it by 5 inches so he can where it the next day.

Day 4

I was working very hard trying to get our paperwork organized and some general straightening done.

Day 5

Today's theme was fool.  I ran into the wall and dropped my ice.  Seems like a clumsy fool to me.

Day  6

And this is today's.  I'm sick, and I was contemplating a mikshake.  Too much work, so I had ice cream in a bowl instead.

Tomorrow's special shot will be a picture with my hubby...who will be home for his two week R/R.  YAYAYAYAYAYAAY!

sewing like a maniac

So, the plan for this evening was to come home, have some dinner, and do a little straightening.

Instead I spent it working on PB's Maypole costume.  Since they informed us tonight that we had to have costumes done by Friday morning for yearbook pics.  Good thing I was prepared and had it all cut out.  But it's going to be so cute...and she will look darling in it!

HEEEE YAAAA!

My baby boy participated in belt testing for Martial Arts today.  It was his first testing, and he made me so stinkin proud.  Monster loves Martial Arts, and he seems to have a natural affinity for it.  I'm glad he was able to find an activity that suits him.  I was frustrated that he is so much more advanced already than the belt he could test for, but since patience is a big part of this, I guess it's good to wait.  And wait he will have to do....he doesn't get his belt until class next week.

GiST I dunno what number

and I'm too lazy to go look...

1. That last week is over...it seriously kicked my butt,
2. That spring is coming. Flowers are blooming. Hurray.
3. Today is my mommy's bday.
4. Today is PB's half birthday.
5. The sun is shining.

Needing a little Grace

Today was a difficult day. I work for the State Government. Our newly elected Governor gave his first budget presentation today. Rumors have been flying for several weeks that state employees were going to be furloughed, that we are going to have to pay more for our benefits, that we might have layoffs. This afternoon was the announcement that we are all going to take an 8% cut in our pay and pay more for our benefits. The expected net decrease in our pay is 10%. This means that our payscales are being reversed by 7 years. We will be making today what we made in 2002. And yes, I realize that we are still employed. But this may not be the end. If revenues continue to tank, they will cut more. Not layoffs, more paycuts.

This will hurt my lifestyle, but ultimately I think we'll be okay. There will definitely be less activities going on, but we'll still have our house, our food, and so on. But I worry about those that are alreay so close to the edge. We have employees that work for the state that make $17000 a year. Can you imagine living on that? That is roughly my mortgage payment for one year. A $1700 cut in their pay means $130 less in their paycheck every month. That's the gas they need to get to and from these jobs. That could be groceries on their table. At some point, working becomes pointless...why struggle so hard to work when you can go on welfare and live better?

I am angry...not simply because we are experiencing this cut in pay, but because I don't see our elected officials taking the necessary steps to handle this crisis. There are other alternatives that would allow the pay cut to be reduced, including reducing salaries for our legislators. Our legislators are part time legislators, meaning that they are only in session for 6 months out of the year, and then work other jobs the rest of the year. They make $42000 a year as a legislator. That's $3200 a month if you spread it out over the whole year (26 pays) ...but they only work for 6 months. That means they earn $7000 a month. That's $160 a day if they work 10 days every two weeks. An 8% pay cut for them means they still make $6300 a month. And seriously, one legislative committee met for 50 minutes the other day to debate whether walkie-talkies should be held to the same standards as cell phones when people are driving, and who should be exempt from such legislation. That means we paid each of these members $20 to sit and debate this topic. And guess what the consensus was? We have to do more investigating.

I chose to go work for the state and be a public servant knowing that the pay sucked. But the benefits and job security made it worthwhile. State workers are up there with lawyers as far as people disparaging the jobs we do. As in every organization, there are those employees that do not live up to the standards. However, the majority of state workers are dedicated, hard working employees. And we are about to be callously stepped on by those that were elected to protect us.

There are so many things happening in our country today that I don't agree with...it makes me sad and nervous for our future, and the future we are leaving for our children.

Thankful that it's (almost) completed

It's been a busy year here at Casa Lang.  I decided that I was going to spend more time in the real world and less in the virtual world, and I was going to get some projects done around the house.  And hoo boy, have I been going strong on that!

In January, I painted my powder room.  It's a lovely shade of green that makes me think "Ahhhh Spring" every time I walk in there.  I'm going to begin utilizing my husbands skill of hiding in the bathroom just to be soothed.  PB and I agreed that this green would be perfect for the bottom portion of her bedroom wall, so late in February we cleaned out her bedroom and went to work.  She also has the wood border that needed to be painted and stamped, so we took care of that as well.  Thank goodness for snow days...it took 4 days to paint, stamp, and clean/reorganize this room.  I was really tired of her room by the time we completed it.

You can see more pics in my Flickr Feed.

This past weekend, I tackled Monster's room.  It was time for him toget the big boy room, and it about killed me.  There was a Nascar wallpaper border at the top and the walls were gray.  That border took me 5 hours to remove...it was literally shredding as it peeled off.  Then the trim out took forever.  I finally finished it Monday night, and I love the colors and the new bookshelf and bench (and bedding) but I'm glad it's done for now.

Ignore the messiness....I took this right after he crawled out of bed today.  There's still more to go to finish his room.  Daddy is painting one (small) wall with camo, and the closet and main doors have to be painted.  We need to create the e center/desk on one wall.  And posters/pictures have to be found and hung.  But so far, I like it.  And he loves the colors on the wall.

So that's where I've been.  I'm tired, and this is a busy week.  But the smile and contented sigh he gave the first night he slept in there made it worthwhile.  Meanwhile, I'm done painting until at least May.  DDS is coming home in a couple of weeks for his mid tour 2 week leave, and I have some tidying to do before he gets home.

And a new Etsy store to start stocking...more on that to come!

Loads of Love, now brighter!

BlogHerAds  is participating in a disaster relief program that raises money through t-shirt sales. They've asked all of us to spread the word!

From the Tide Loads of Hope website:

Tide Loads of Hope helps in the aftermath of a natural disaster by providing clean clothes and a sense of comfort to families in need. Partnering with Feeding America, we travel to disaster affected neighborhoods with the Tide Loads of Hope truck or vans, our free mobile laundry service.

Tide Loads of Hope truck:
32 high-effiency washers and dryers stationed on the truck
Can do 300 wash and dry cycles a day -equal to one year’s worth of laundry for a single family
Will wash about 9,000 loads of laundry over a four-week period
Leveraged during massive disasters where electricity is unavailable in the region

Tide Loads of Hope vans:
In partnership with a local laundromat, the Tide Loads of Hope vans provide free laundry service at the same load rate as the trucks
Leveraged during disasters where neighboring communities still have a source of electricity

To date, Tide Loads of Hope has washed more than 35,000 loads of laundry for over 20,000 families. Most importantly, the Tide Loads of Hope program means we’re equipped to take action whenever and wherever there is a need in our country.

Tide Loads of Hope Vintage Tees:
Tide Loads of Hope can also be supported through the purchase of a Tide Vintage Tee. All profits go to support families affected by disaster. Please use this link to purchase the shirt!

Where it all started

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the need for clean clothing became critical, and Tide found a way to help. So in November 2005, the Tide Loads of Hope truck headed to Camp Hope in the Metairie, LA area and cleaned over 10,000 loads of laundry. The spirit of this first venture informs and inspires everything Tide Loads of Hope program does.

If you’re interested in participating in the Tide Loads of Hope program by purchasing a Tide Vintage Tee, you can follow this link.

So basically, you can buy a cool graphic tee and help at the same time.  What are you still doing here?  GO check it out!

Growing up, even at 35

I am shy. Sometimes painfully so. But I've worked very hard over the last 5 years to change that. And one of the epiphanies I had that helped me with that process was that people really don't think about me as much as I think they do. This was a hard lesson to learn. Not because I'm conceited, or because I think I'm so great...quite the opposite. I am geeky. A little socially awkward. But whate I've learned is that I was socially awkward because I worried about what other people thought too much. I'm not saying I'm 100% cured of this, but I can usually see myself heading down that path, and cut myself off at the pass.

The fact that I'm not totally over this tendancy was brought home to me yesterday. I was having a conversation at work, and I commented on something to the co-worker. Then last night, I started obsessing about how stupid the comment was, how she probably was laughing behind my back at how stupid I sounded. And then I literally kicked my own ass for being so stupid. Because really, who cares? If their laughing at me, fine...I'm glad I could provide them some entertainment.

I always thought it was sort of cliched about learning to like yourself more as you aged. But in my case, it's true. There are still things I don't like, but work very hard to recognize these things, and then take steps to fix them.

I've had a rough week. A person on a committee with me has been very mean to me several times in the last 6 months, and I've felt powerless to make it stop. But today, I received confirmation that I wasn't crazy, and that other people saw it as well. I will gladly admit that I let this negativity get to me, and allowed myself to say a few things that shouldn't have been said. I'm a big girl, and I will admit when I'm wrong. But being a big girl also means that you should be able to approach people in a civilized, calm manner when you have an issue with something they do. Unfortunately, the other party apparently didn't receive that memo (or as my SIL says, they didn't put on the big girl pants that day...lol). And I reacted. And I resented for days. But, today, I realized that I have supporters, and they are willing (and able) to help me resolve this situation.

So now, I'm off to bed, and I'm hopeful that the next committee meeting will be productive and drama free. I'm suggesting some radical changes, but I have strong, valid reasons for the changes, and I hope that is seen.

And I will remind myself to leave the baggage there, and to not think about the mean people any more than they think about me. Life is too short, and I'm enjoying living it.

GiST 21/365

1. Warm weather again (but seriously, 75 today and snow tomorrow night. Someone needs to give Mother Nature some hormone therapy or something.)

2. Finding the support network you needed just in time.

3. Being asked if you are interviewing for a new job. (Apparently wearing a dress, which I try to do at least once a week, and having a meeting with someone not from your organization in a conference room in your building means you are interviewing. Wow, that would take some sort of something...interviewing at your current employers office for another job? Hhhhmmm...not so much!)

4. Watching my children chasing each other with tongs while unloading the dishwasher. (PB was singing a song from one of those Christmas specials "Put one tong in front of the other.)

5. Getting the DVD you ordered in less than 2 days, instead of the 5-10 they quoted you.

GiST 20/365

1. Warm Weather...too bad it's not going to stay all week.

2. Martial Arts for Monster...exercise and enjoyment for him.

3. Checking out exercise videos before you buy them.

4. Getting ready to paint the Monster's room this weekend.

5. Having a day off Friday and Monday!

Ouch!

I've been reading quite a bit about Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred Workout DVD.  I admit I was intrigued.  I've tried several other work out videos, but never rally found what I was looking for in a program.  Then someone mentioned that it was available on Comcast onDemand. So Saturday, I gave it a try.

OMG.  I hurt.  Muscles I forgot I had.  But I made it through.  Then Sunday I moved TV's up and down two flights of stairs.  No Shred on Sunday.

I tried a few other videos that were available today, and I'm glad I didn't spend any money on them.  But I went back to Jillian, and shredded some more.  I can't believe I'm hooked, but I feel a difference already.  I don't get this feeling from the elliptical or treadmill.  And I can do this in my own living room after I put the kids to bed.

Maybe I'll actually suceed in the weight loss plan this time.  I took leftovers for lunch today, and paced my eating throughout the day.  I already have lunch prepared for tomorrow and the next day.  I'm going to shred at least 4 days a week...I would prefer 5, but I'm being realistic. 

Guess what? I finally figured how to post to my blog from my touch! Isn't it nice of the realtor next door to my mom's dr to provide us wireless access? That's a big deal in my Podunk town... LOL

So, we are drowning in snow. Well not drowning yet... That will come this weekend when the warmer weather and rain come to melt the metric but load of snow ( and yes, I understand that one foot isn't that much. But my husbands deployed, remember? And we don't normally get much snow any way.) I shoveled my drive this morning, after I was sure the snow was done falling. Why is the person that never shovels snow the one that always chooses the snow shovel? Even when he's stateside, I end up shoveling because he gets called out. Is anyone else overwhelmingly ready for spring, or us it just me?

We "updated" on's room this weekend.
More about that coming up, when I can upload the pics. Back to my games:)

Lots of little things, all rolled up in one

I have a few things I want to share, but don't feel like making them all up into various blog posts, so here we go. 

1.  There's one of those search your name on google with a word things going around.  You put "unfortunately (your name)" in the search.  I usually don't get interesting hits, but this one cracks me up.
"Unfortunately, mamalangs diabolical plan isn’t enough to save her ass from getting killed." (of course, this has my real name, but you get the idea.  Cracks me up.  I wish I could come up with a diabolical plan. (GiST 1...finding funny things out that I didn't know about myself.)

2. Yesterday, when we were leaving the youth center, one of my sons classmates was having a complete meltdown in front of the building.  It involved much yelling, screaming, and eventually her mother throwing her her shoulder and carrying her to car.  I looked over at PB and said "Oh look, she's having one of your meltdowns!"  She chuckled, and then said, "hey, I haven't had one of those in a while.  I'm getting better!"  I should hope so.  You're 10.  I remember those days.  Sometimes I wish I could still just pick her up and carry her off.  (GiST 2...PB finally maturing enough to know when to admit her faults and chuckle over them.)

3. Tonight we went out to eat.  After I put the kids to bed, I wanted to pay a couple of bills (well, I didn't want to, but you know...) and realized I couldn't find my debit card.  A quick call to the restaurant confirmed I left it there.  Thank Goodness. Every Wed I seem to forget something somewhere.  Perhaps I should just stop leaving the house on Wed. (GiST 3...I can get it back tomorrow, and could still pay the bill)

4. This website...Portraits of an Economy, started by Rebecca of Girls Gone Child, will make you cry, chuckle and say uh huh.  (GiST 4... I still have a job, and my husbands job is one of the most secure in the country right now.  We are still okay.  We bought a house with a normal 30 year mortgage, and the houses in our subidivision my take a long time to sell, but they are holding their value...and we don't plan on selling for at least 10-15 years anyway, so we'll be fine by then.)

5. Today my inner biotch came out.  I wasn't mad or cranky or sad, just bitchy.  I could not make my inner monologue come back on.  I know you really wanted to go to the conference in San Diego.  But you have a job, so stop your complaining.  You really want to go?  Pay your own way. (GiST 5...the people that work for me laughed at me a bunch today, making me laugh at myself.  It kept the actually out loud bitchiness to a minimum.)

I'm sure there's more, but this is it for now.  Peace out.
3.

Giveaway alert!

Kerri over at lovely little handmades is hosting her first giveaway.  She's giving away a japanese charm pack...they are SOOOOO cute.  I can just imagine the projects I could  create...it could be hard to choose!  I've enjoyed stalking her work on Flickr through the Sew, Mama, Sew group, and her blog is just as tasty.  You should go visit.

Manic much?

I know, it's been a little light on the posting around here lately.  I'm sorry.  I'm too manic.

I can't seem to find the balance.  I'm either sound asleep constantly, or moving, moving, moving.  There just doesn't seem to be too much time left to just sit, let alone post.  And the bad part is, there's still a long list of things I need to do.  Very long.  Some of them kind of important.

But when I think about those things, I get tired again.  And I pass out.  Then I wake up and go 100 miles and hour, until I can't.  Then I pass out again. 

I know, this too will pass.  It's not just my hubby being gone, but the stress of the economy.  Talk revolves around our budget deficit every day.  We are half expecting the Governor to drop by one day.  Actually, he did drop by one of the State Police Troops recently.  They made an announcement...."The Governor is coming to use the facilities.  Please prepare."  Seriously, you had to be that in depth?  Poor guy, no privacy left.

Okay. that sleep thing again.  Tomorrow is another day.

1. Teaching First Aid/CPR.  I love teaching/training.  And people want to be in this class.
2. Cold medicines
3. A cleaning lady.  I love coming home to a house that is clean.  It makes my soul sing.  And without her?  That manic state would be upped several notches.  I never worry that my toilets aren't clean enough anymore.
4. French Fries with Old Bay Seasoning.
5. My hubby, who doesn't let a day go by without telling me he loves me, even when he's half a world away.

GiST 17/365

1. Bunco
2. Allergy meds
3. My inhaler
4. My son not puking anymore
5. My green machine carpet spot cleaner.

GiST 16/365

1. Stamp Club. Adult conversation, creativity, no children. Ahh
2. Homemade chicken nuggets and french fries
3. my new phone. I still love it
4. My mom. I left my purse at stamp club, and she went and got it and brought it to me.
5. My kids. I just love them so much.

A bit about me...an interview

A while ago, The Immoral Matriarch started an interview meme. Somewhere along the way, Margalit volunteered to be interviewed, then offered to interview anyone that as interested. One of my favorite bloggers, Bethany Acutally (I've always loved that name. so pretty and feminine) signed up, then offered it up to her readers. And now, I'm participating.

So here goes...
I'm going to steal my first question from margalit because it's a good one! Then I'll make up the rest.

1. You are a military wife, just like me! What do you think the hardest part of being a military family is? This is a tough question. I think it's trying to explain the military life to non-military families. A lot of people don't understand some of the things we have to accept as part of the job. Like night meetings that don't involve extra time off at another point. Or working when it snows, or holidays. It's just part of it, but most civilian jobs don't require the same type of give, without a take to go along with it. The separations suck, too.

2. Your husband is currently deployed. What are some things you're doing to help stay sane till he gets home? Luckily, I have a great support system in place. My mother, mother-in-law and sister-in-law all live nearby, and I have good friends and a very understanding boss. These help, because I can ask for help when I need it. I talk to my husband in some way (IM, Email, Phone) almost every day...we are so lucky to live in the age of the internet. I can't imagine how the women at home during earlier conflicts managed to stay sane with just written letters. I work hard to include my husband, keeping him connected to the kids and I. At Christmas, he watch them open gifts via the webcam. I inadvertently put the computer in a chair, so it was like he was sitting there.

3. How long have you been blogging, and why do you blog? What's your blog raison d'être, if you will? I've been blogging for 2 1/2 years, but I'm just starting to find my voice. I started because I had to register to comment on a blog I liked, so I figured why not. Now I want to change my tagline/name, but haven't gotten there yet. I've always loved to write, and I kept it up because it's a good way for my hubby to check in when he has a few minutes, and find out things he may not have gotten from me during a conversation. I've also enjoyed the community of blogging.

4. Tell me one of your favorite childhood memories. You know, if I told you about my childhood, many people would wonder how I could come up with good memories. But I have a lot of them...simple pleasures like wading in the creek (pronounced crick where I was at) and catching little crawdads, or going out on the boat and feeling the wind. Almost all of my good memories involve my grandparents. But my favorite would have to be the year Santa came to visit me. I wasn't very old (5 maybe?) and he came and woke me up late at night, bearing a present. I later found out it was my uncle, dressed up in the suit just to surprise me. Knowing how much work my mom, my uncle and my cousins put into surprising me makes it even sweeter.

5. Other than being a mom (obviously) what's the best job you ever had, and why? I really enjoy what I'm doing now, for the most part. I work for the State, and serving the public that way can be difficult. When I first started, I didn't get that we were in "Service." I knew about customer service, but public service is different than that even. And I enjoy it. I enjoy knowing that what I do contributes to helping every person in this state get places safely. I'm able to learn new things regularly, and I've been given a lot of opportunities I may not have been given in other jobs. The pay isn't so great, but the benefits and pension keep you there. Luckily, I enjoy where I work, and the people I work with. It feels like a family.


So there you go. A little more about me. Anyone else want to participate? Leave me a comment!

A few of my favorite things....GiST day 15

I took a little break this weekend. I had to. I was so tired, and burn out, I just couldn't face anything that felt remotely like a chore. So I didn't. And I managed to get some stuff done anyway. And I'm feeling better.

Monster's new Scooby Doo Bedding came today. He's so excited. Now I want a week off of work to paint. I wish we could have 12 more hours in every day.

Grace today...not so hard to find.
1. My new phone. I just love playing with it. I especially love the color. No wait, the fact that I can im my hubby with it. Or maybe the feel of it. I don't know, I just know I love it.
2. Friends that make you smile, even when you don't feel like it.
3. I've been frustrated by a relatives unbloggable problem. It's not completely solved, but it's moving in that direction. Lack of drama in the immediate future? priceless.
4. A long weekend, and the ability to sleep in during some of it.
5. My new Ipod that's coming later this week. YAY!


I actually could go on...but I'll save some of the other items for days when I really need them :) I'm back, and I shall begin some serious blogging soon.

Tired (GiST 14/365)

I'm tired. I'm so tired, we had pizza for dinner. So tired, that the remnants of dinner are still sitting there, waiting to be cleaned up. And tonight, the dishes aren't getting done. The trash will be thrown away, and leftovers have been put away, but my bed is calling, and I'm about to succumb to it's siren call.

I'm tired, and PB is tired, and that isn't a good combo. She didn't have a good night last night. She worked herself into a stomach/head ache again last night, and was up until 11 pm. I was trying to get to bed early, but obviously, that didn't happen. I admit, these spells try my patience. I know she misses her father, and I get it, I really do. But it frustrates me that she isn't using any of the techniques we've given her (and we've give her a ton of them.) I finally managed to get her calmed down enough to fall asleep, and then a bit later I finally got to go to bed. But then woke up an hour early to hear the wind threatening to take us away.

The office was hot as a jungle today, and I've been in a fog all day. By the time we were home tonight, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and go to sleep. I managed to order dinner, make the cookies for Monster's school party tomorrow, and bathe the kids and put them to bed. In there, PB and I had a little tiff. I reminded her that just because she was tired, I wasn't going to tolerate her arguing, backtalking or yelling a me. I suggested she might just want to go to bed. After her shower, she came down and apologized to me for pitching a fit. That was a sign that she's starting to get it, and starting to really mature.

I've fought the tireds all day, and I worked hard to set aside the tireds during bed time. I hugged, kissed, tickled and wrestled them into bed, laughing all the way. That's a good way to end this Love Thursday...remembering the joy in that love.

1. Talking to my hubby on the phone, even if shortly, today.
2. Tickles and giggles with my kidlins.
3. A yummy breakfast potluck at work today.
4. Tomorrow is Friday.
5. Getting a great deal on webkinz for my kids, so they are getting two each for Valentine's Day.

GiST 13/365

1. My Hot tub
2. weather warm enough to enjoy the hot tub
3. my mom helping the kids with their valentines
4. SUNSHINE...did I mention the sun? It shone today.
5. Chick-Fil-A with a lot of coupons, so dinner for 3 was $3.24

GiST 12/365

1. trashy tv so I can feel so much better about myself
2. warm weather
3. a good picture of me (I'm getting better honey)
4. WaiKiKi Meatballs (made by my MIL...yummmy)
5. Monster earning student of the day in Martial Arts class.

GiST 11/365

1. Yummy grilled chicken wings. I'm so glad I actually cooked a good meal again.
2. Giggling with my children during dinner
3. Good music
4. Good books
5. The internet.

GiST 10/365

1. That I love my husband, and am still IN LOVE with my husband, even after over 12 years together and several military TDYs and deployments.
2. That my husband loves me and is still IN LOVE with me, still.
3. That my husband thinks I'm gorgeous and sexy.
4. That I'm learning to accept his compliments.
5. It was a beautiful day, and my car is clean.

GiST 9/365

1. People who do nice things for the family of our service men and women. We had dinner at the Delaware Military Academy tonight. The PTA parents brought covered dishes to serve, and then they actually served us. They had a movie and crafts for the children. The students helped serve, and just struck me as good kids. It was a very nice time (even though I got us lost and we went way out of our way and so were late :))

2. Enjoying the time with my MIL and SIL and Monster.

3. Monster being so stinking cute.

4. Mystery Case Files game for the DS.

5. Laptops

This one's for my husband

GiST 8/365

1. Buying ice cream for dinner with my little man (what a cheap date...$3.00 for two big dishes. Yummy)
2. Looking through the pictures of the last year that I finally had printed, and finding out that I'm actually an okay photographer.
3. Warm weather for the next week.
4. Laughing with my children over silly stuff in the car.
5. Rediscovering songs I've forgotten about, and finding out I still love them.

GiST 7/365

1. Making one whole week of this exercise!
2. My son calling me out when I wasn't really listening to him.
3. The cleaning lady comes tomorrow...yay, clean bathrooms!
4. My Monster finally trying to learn his letters.
5. Bollywood dancing at our FRG meeting tonight. It was different and fun!

As easy as ABC? Not so much.

Monster is about half way through kindergarten, and he's in danger of failing.  Why, you ask?  Because he hasn't learned his letters by site, and isn't doing well with sounds.  The boy can tell you that 50-39 is 11 without blinking, can tell elaborate stories, and do a 100 piece puzzle in no time.  But he doesn't want to learn to read.  Learning to read means that he isn't a baby anymore.  And he loves being the baby.

I've tried everything over the last 3 years to get him to learn his letters.  No go.  It took me 3 months to get him to learn how to write his name, and finally, after many days of refusing to try, he wrote it.  Perfectly.  (Now he writes it wrong, because he likes it better that way.  ARGH)  When it was time to potty train him, he sat on the toilet for 15-20minutes, stood up and peed on my floor.  All the time, every time.  For almost a year.  Then one morning he comes in, says he has to go, goes in the toilet, and that's it.  He's trained.  So I get it, it has to be his idea.

Last week I sat him down and explained to him that if he didn't start trying, he was going to have to stay in Kindergarten next year, without all of his friends.  He's learned at least 5 new lower case letters in as many days.  He's spelling out words in the books we're reading.  He's searching out the letter of the day with enthusiasm.  He's excited.

He has a dictionary.  It's one of those kids first picture book kind of things.  He loves it now.  His teacher would prefer him to read along with us in regular books, so that he can learn his site words.  So we're compromising.  One regular short book during neb treatments, and then the two of us read some words in the dictionary.

Last night, I made a big production out of the letters he wasn't getting, but in a good way.  He was struggling with r, so I kept telling him "ARRRGH, why can't you get the hooked letter right?  It's hooked like my pirate hook.  Arrrrrrgh."  Today, he remembers R.  Today, for the first time, he remembered i and j.  Three letters last night.  When we are spelling out words, I see him thinking about the letters he doesn't know, saying the alphabet in his head, trying to jog the letter out.

I'm still hopeful that we'll progress quickly and he'll catch up, sort of like potty training and writing his name.  Because the boy is smart, and if he gets held back, that poor teacher next year will need some medication, and an early retirement.  A bored Monster is not a good thing.

GiST 7/365

1. A good friend and employee, all rolled up in one
2. An oil change done by friendly, competent people
3. Finally ordering prints of the family portrait
4. Yummy Chicken Salad for lunch
5. Monster laughing almost uncontrollably while we were working on his letters.

I almost always feel like I should end these posts with "priceless."...lol

GiST 6/365

1. My MIL cooking dinner for us on Tuesday nights.
2.Monster's awesome Martial Arts teacher - we were there early, so he let him take class with the bigger kids, and then just continued the class into oe big, long class. Monster thought he was hot stuff.
3. Having my lunch already made for tomorrow.
4. No activities tomorrow night.
5. The beauty of snow (even if I hate having to leave my house in it.)

Did you watch for the football, or the ads?

Did you watch the Superbowl? If so, did you watch for the football, or the ads? I watched. In previous years, I used my hubby as an "excuse, except for the year the Colts won. I'm actually more of the come and go than sit down and watch type, but I love to catch the commercials.

A few of my favorites this year...the Nextel Commercials. I liked the one with the truant school child, but I love the one with the Roadies running the airport. I also liked commercial with the Tin Man about green energy. Those are the only two I remember seeing, as I was apparently too involved in the internet to really pay attention.

Since the game didn't have my team, my hubbies team, or even a sort of local team playing, I really didn't care too much about the outcome. I think that made a not too exciting game even less exciting for me. But the ending, it was amazing. I usually end up rooting for the underdogs, so I was a little disappointed that the Cardinals lost. Then I watched the Office and laughed my butt off at the CPR skit.

What was your favorite advertisement?

a mini-vacation

Today was my day off.  I slept in a little and took PB straight to school instead of to the youth center first, and then took Monster to Target to get new shoes.  Took him to the youth center, and then I had the day free.  I scheduled a massage for today, and it was heaven.  She hit the right spots, and at the end told me I had a lot of large knots that needed to be worked out.  I could tell.

Tomorrow it's bag to the grind of work again.  It's a busy week, and PB is going camping with girl scouts this weekend, so that makes it even busier.  But she loves camping with her group, and I enjoy my time with Monster alone.  I just have to make it to Friday now...lol.

GiST 5/365

1. Ibuprofen
2. Massages
3. Tae Kwon Do
4. My kids cooperating and doing what I asked of them
5. My bed - soft and warm

My 400th post, our 3 year house-iversary, and other misc stuff.

So this is my 400th post.  Woo hoo!  The scary part of that is that I participated in blog 365, and managed to blog almost the whole time.  That means the time before was scarce.  Yuck.

Today was our 3 year house-iversary.  When we moved into this house three years ago, we agreed that we celebrate our house every year.  We chose our first home-cooked meal to be one that we could enjoy every year.  Steak, some shrimp, mushrooms, mashed potatoes and corn.  We thank God for our house, for the blessings we've been given.  It was a little bittersweet with Bug and Daddy not here, but we enjoyed our good food, and talked about the great house we live in. 

I received my swaparooni box yesterday, and I love the items in it.  I'm killing the bottle of dishwashin soap, and we used the sparkler candles on the little cake we had tonight.

I usually don't watch much TV, and I don't think I've ever seen an episode of the office before.  But the part where they were in CPR Class had me rolling.  I teach First Aid/CPR at work, and we use the Staying Alive and Another One Bites The Dust songs to help people find the rythm. 

I'm getting a massage tomorrow.  I can't wait...my shoulders and neck have been so stiff, and I'm in need of a little TLC.

That's all folks.  Those are also my 5 grace items :)

Grace, 3/365

1. Talking to my hubby this morning
2. My daughter's friend hanging out today and playing with both kids
3. My MIL taking my kids today
4. The swaparooni arriving today
5. Clean cabinets, and the sense of accomplishment.

Grace 2/365

1. Lunch out with a co-worker.
2. PB getting straight A's for another marking period.
3. Beginner Band Concerts - they have the opportunity to participate in a music program.
4. My Monster's not so good report card - he's stubborn about learning his letters, but the light bulb has gone off.
5. Video cameras, so that eventually my hubby will get to watch the band concert.

For an explanation of Grace in Small Things, go here.

Sharing the love, finding it in the small things.

I think the blogosphere is a wonderful place, filled with mostly wonderful people.  And two of them proved it this month by starting two wonderful new projects.

Catherine at Her Bad Mother, BlogHers ACT Canada and several other sites has a new project called Give Good Blog.  Go on, read her whole post, it will explain it all much better than I can.

I don't do give aways (yet) and my review blog is pretty much non-existent, but I try to do good things.  And I love the whole idea behind this project, so I signed up.

Right before I found this post, I signed up to volunteer at a web-based mail charity.  I'm going to post more about it at another time, as I'm still in the approval and assignment phase and haven't actually started, but I want a way that feels like I'm giving to someone else in the world, a way that I can include my children, and I think this is it.

Also, a fellow wife in the unit told me that she needed to purchase bike gear for her husband (lights, helmet, etc.)  The bicycle and pedestrian councils run out of our office, and they give many of these items away every summer.  So I hit them up for some freebies for him, and we hooked him up.  Although it didn't cost me anything, I took the time to utilize a resource I had.  And it made me feel good.

The second project I've joined is Grace in Small Things.  From her inaugural post on her website

The world we live in is loud and harsh and bright and demanding, and it is easy to slide into a less than thoughtful survival mode in which we do what we have to do to make it through the day with the least amount of strife possible. This robs us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things.
It is with this thought that I am beginning one year of posts called "Grace In Small Things". Every day for 365 days, I will post a list of five things that have graced my life, either on that day or at any time in my life. Feel free to join me. Or mock me. Or, you know, do whatever's in your heart. You can start on whatever day you want, so if you come across this six months from now, don't let that hold you back.

So simple.  Reminds me that I'm supposed to be looking for the Blessings every day, and I've been failing at that.  So I'm starting again.

Today's Grace items:
1. Reading the second post in that short lived series, a post about my Monster.  And tearing up, because he's still that little boy, but getting so big so quickly.
2.  For my preteen daughter that still wants to cuddle with me and requires a special routine at bedtime.
3.  For my friends sweet little baby boy coming over to play with us tonight.
4.  For the reminder that while I love babies, I don't want anymore.
5.  For a warm house on a cold day.

Happy Love Thursday.  I'm going to start spreading the love all over the place, one day at a time.

Who wants a freebie?

I was directed to this site for Freebies by Jenn.  It's awesome.  I've gotten laundry detergent, granola bars, snacks and who knows what else.  I check it almost daily.  Cause after all, who doesn't love Freebies?  Also, something in the mailbox other than bills and junk mail?  That's awesome.

I'm so sick of winter

I'm not a big winter fan.  I'm cold in the summer a lot, so winter doesn't do it for me.  Snow is pretty, but then you have to go out in it, and that bites.  It doesn't snow that much here, so it usually isn't really worth getting all the paraphanalia...we tend to make do with layers when it does.  I hate boots made for snow, so I only wear them when absolutely necessary.  That means I end up with wet feet (my own fault, I know). 

It started snowing sometime very early Tuesday morning.  It snowed all day Tuesday. I brought the kids home after work and sent them out to play.  At some point late last night, it became sleet/freezing rain.  So, no school today, and a delay for me.  Shoveling icy snow on a slanted driveway, trying not to fall on my butt.  Trying to avoid the splotches of ice and slush.  Then it turned to rain this afternoon.  It poured when it was time to go get the kids.  My feet were soaked, my legs were soaked.  And it was a cold rain.  Yuck.  Now I'm praying that it doesn't turn our development and driveway into a skating rink tomorrow morning, cause the main roads will be cleared and we'll be expected to go to work.

I'm ready for spring.  I'm ready for my flowers, to dig my hands into the dirt.  I want to sit on my front porch and watch the neighbors pass by.  I want to work on my back porch.  I'm ready.

Getting my mojo back

I didn't really make any resolutions for this year.  I just vowed to go back to what I was doing before.  Doing what worked.  Sort of.  And so far, I'm doing pretty good at that.

I've never been a big TV watcher, but over the last few months I started getting sucked in...even when I was bored by what I watched. 

I used to make a list of things I wanted to get done and then tackle them in a timely fashion. 

I used to remember important things, like that my car needs an oil change, PB has band on Friday, and what day the trash went out.

I used to try and eat healthy and move a little and drink water.

But the last year?  Not so much.  Since October?  Very little.

This it the toll deployment has taken on me.  We spent the year prior to his D date preparing for this year.  Finding people to care for our yard, spending as much time as possible as a family doing fun things, getting a few important things done around the house.  The rest of it, we just let it go.  And I'm not saying that what we did is wrong (or right), it's just what we did.  And then he left.  And I lived on the computer so I could chat with him, and the television was good background to (maybe) entertain me.

But I have at least 7 months left, and I've found that old me a little again. I'm still forgetting things, and I'll still procrastinate (like that will change after 35 years...lol), but I'm accomplishing things.  I'm taking my lunch, and cooking a healthy dinner more than 2 nights a week.  The laundry is staying done, and I'm tackling projects.  Last weekend I painted my powder room, and this weekend I tied up some loose sewing ends and played in the park with my kids and nephew.

I've stepped away from my blog a bit, and I'm trying to actually live that life that I need to give me blog fodder.  So look for pics of my powder room, and stories of days of park play.  And more about the ache I feel missing my husband, and how I'm working through it. 

Our inaugural experience.

Last night, Monster, PB and I attended a once in a lifetime event.  My husband is serving in Iraq with the 261st Tactical Signal Brigade.  Beau Biden is a member of this unit, and is currently serving with my husband.  His father and stepmother invited the family members of the unit to attend the Kids Inauguration concert last night at the Verizon Center.  They provided bus transportation to and from the venue as well as securing tickets for all that wanted to attend. 

I was advised that this invitation was being extended several weeks ago.  At that time, we knew nothing other than it would be a concert.  No idea who would be performing.  We had to commit to attending without knowing.  Even at that point, I felt this was a once in a lifetime event for my children and myself.  To attend any part of the inaugural festivities is a big deal.  We committed, and I stressed to anyone I talked to that they should also go if it all possible.  Late last week, the lineup was announced...Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers.  I truly about fell over dead.  I had found out that Disney was co-spoonsoring this event with Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden, but I never dared to hope that it would be such big name performers. 

We travelled to DC by bus.  The normal 2 1/2 hour trip took us almost 4 hours.  The amount of people, cars, and busses in that town is mind-boggling.  You think you can imagine it, but you can't.  We sat at one light for 30 minutes, watching it cycle, blocks away from our destination.  Eventually, we were given a police escort to get us through.   What an amazing feeling...lol.  Once there, we were welcomed by a member of Biden's staff.  He gave us gorgeous tickets, working very hard to make sure that families were given tickets together.  We were escorted inside and shown to our seats.  We had good seats and the show started almost as soon as we took them.  A Disney employee came out and fired up the crowd, and then Miley came out to open the show.  The screaming was deafening.  Throughout the night, we enjoyed performances and commentary by many actors and artists...Miley Cyrus, Bow Wow, Jamie Foxx, Rosario Dawson, Queen Latifah, Lucy Liu, George Lopez, Demi Lovato, and Corbin Bleu.

Dr. Biden was introduced by her granddaughter, Naomi.  Naomi did a wonderful job, appearing very poised and calm.  Dr. Biden spoke briefly, mentioning that they were also a military family, and then introduced Michelle Obama.  She also spoke about military families, and the struggles we endure during deployments.

The highlight for me was when Queen Latifah was on stage.  Several family members from our unit were brought on stage with her, and we had a link up with their soldiers in Iraq.  Each member was able to give a short message to their loved one...my favorite was the little one that said "I don't have anything to say."  It was a moment that made me swell with pride.  I am proud to be a military family, and sometimes that gets lost.

We didn't arrive back at the unit until 1:30 in the morning, and I was very thankful that the kids didn't have school today. 

Although I didn't feel strongly in favor of either of the Presidential candidates back in the election, I feel strongly now that we must support our President.  I can appreciate the historical nature of everything happening right now.  And I am moved by this.  I've watched several interviews with Michelle Obama, and she speaks of helping military families.  She talks about President Obama reducing the amount of time military members are deployed.  I hope that these aren't just passing speeches.  We need more home time, shorter deployments.  All the special activities in the world don't make up for your mom or dad or spouse being away from you for a year at a time. 

The country today is in a desperate state.  I worry about my job, our finances, what we are leaving to our children.  And although I feel that we have made a significant breakthrough electing the first African-American President, I still do not feel the sense of hope that many others feel.  He is just one man, and he is not God.  And his powers are still limited.

Today, I feel like a bad mother

(Disclaimer...I know I am a good mother, and I'm not looking for validation here.  But I've let a few things lapse the last couple of weeks, and I need to come clean to relinquish my guilt...lol)

I just received an email from PB's band teacher.  She hasn't been to practice or full band since Christmas break, and they have a concert in two weeks...is she still interested, or is she giving it up?  Uhm, I'm pretty sure she's interested, but band is on Friday, and by Thursday night, we are a house just trying to survive until Friday night.  Plus, she isn't the most organized person, and she forgets things often.  Things like the lunch we just packed and I reminded her to pick up, and she says, "I know" and walks off without remembering to grab said lunchbox.  Yup.  So I think it's more a matter of "whoops, crap, I forgot" when she gets to school and it's too late to do anythign about it.

So I'll talk to her tonight, and see where she stands.  And somehow I'll program my Thursday night brain to remember that band is on Friday.  But with that email came a metric butt load of guilt.  Because I've been feeling a little like I'm phoning it in lately. 

Single parenting is hard.  This isn't a surprise to pretty much anyone, I'm sure, most especially not me.  But this time is harder for me in some ways.  I feel like I've lost my mind.  I can't remember things, can't get motivated to get things done.  I'm constantly back tracking, trying to catch the ball I dropped.  And it sucks! 

Only 8-9 more months. Hopefully, I don't kill a child or burn down the house before then. 

Handmade childrens gifts becoming extinct?

On February 10, 2009 the Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act will be in effect.  This legislation will require third party testing for children's toys, clothing, etc.  Go here and read what it entails (they say it much better than I ever could.) 

I'm not normally an activist type, but this touches very close to home.  I've written to my legislators, I've signed the petitions, I've voted. Other places for more information include Etsy, Cool Mom Picks, and a gallery of endagered items at Endangered Whimsy. 

Please, take a moment to vote (voting ends at 5 pm EST Jan 15th...go now!), to email your legislators, whatever it takes.  This must not go into effect without changes being made to the act. 

Did you hear? The economy sucks

This deployment? It was a necessary evil for this family. The extra income (that will come eventually, after we pay down the cost of him going in the first place) is going to help us decrease our debt load and make our life a little easier. We are both very lucky with our current employment situation, as we both work in relatively stable positions...I don't see the need for military members to decrease any time soon, and I work for the state government. Our outgoing and incoming Governors both agree that lay-offs are only a last resort, and I have enough time in to feel secure in my seniority. That doesn't mean that I'm totally immune, and I remember that fact.

My SIL isn't fairing so well. Her employer outsourced her whole division (customer service) to Mumbai last year. Although she knew it was coming, it happened at one of the worst times possible. Positions at the level she was at are non-existent right now, and when she interviews for positions that might be consisered below that level, she's told she's too qualified. People don't want to take the chance that she is going to leave for greener pastures...she just wants a job.

Now my BFF is worried. She just bought her first house, and today she found out that her company will be having lay-offs. First come the voluntary ones...those people who want out, or who are close to retirement, whatever the reason, they want to go and will take the chance while it's available. After that, they will determine where else they will cut. And while she has some seniority, and there should be a need for her area after the cuts, you just never know. Of course she's freaked out, and other than the normal "Pollyanna" comments, I'm just not sure what to say to her. Of course, she'll be in my thoughts and prayers...but, that doesn't really help to alleviate her well founded fears.

I am glad that my husband and I waited to buy our first house. We could have gotten ourselves in over heads, buying a more expensive house, or buying earlier and getting a non-traditional mortgage, but we didn't. We may have paid a little more for our house, but it seems to be holding its value, and we aren't looking to go anywhere anytime soon. And my friend did the same thing...everything about her getting this house said it was the right time and place for her. I really hope that she is able to keep it all. Basically, I think that it sucks that those of us who worked hard to do things the "right way" are now having to pay for all those who chose to live the high life.

Another friend has a neighbor that bought a house on an "iffy" mortgage. The rate went up, they couldn't afford it, they were bailed out, and she's showing off her new Coach bag the next day.

I knew that the bubble was going to burst, and I really think that we all needed a reality check. I just hope that those I know and love are able to stay afloat until better times.

Kids say, edition 2?

My kids crack me up on a daily basis. Here are a few things they've said/done recently that made me chuckle out loud.


PB to Monster - How can you forget Valentine's Day? It's such a pink, lovable holiday.

Whenever my husband finds some disaster the Monster has wrought, he calls him by yelling "BOY!". Last night, we were discussing how Monster wanted to use daddy's tools to make our car be able to change form, like a transformer. I mentioned that if he tried to get near the cars with daddy's tools, he would come over from Iraq to beat his butt. Monster thought on this for a bit, then commented "we couldn't transform when daddy was with us, cause then he would know that I used his tools, and he would say "BOOOOOYYYY!!"

This morning, I got out of the shower to find the boy standing there. "Mama, I set out your clothes for you, including the necklace I made for you when I was just a baby." He had chosen a pair of olive Khakis, a flannel plaid Tigger nightgown, a bra and a pair of underwear. I have to give him credit for remembering everything, and for trying to take care of his mama.

Communication 101

Mir is apparently my muse this week. For Love Thursday today, she wrote about her daughter, a science project, and notes. And it planted a seed...

I've been trying to find a way to communicate with PB. Really communicate. It's so hard to find quiet, one on one time, and usually when we have it, we just snuggle. And that's good, but there are things I need her to know. Things I need to say, guidance I need to give. And while reading about Chickadee and her sharing emails, I realized...I can start writing her notes. Something she can keep (she hoards paper like it's gold) and re-read when she needs to. Something that shows that she is in my thoughts, even when she isn't with me, that I love her.

I'm off to work on the first one now.

the final step in the awakening

I was struggling with what to post today. There are so many things I want to talk about, and so little time and energy to do so right now. But then I read this post by Mir, and I knew.  Mir did an awesome job explaining to her daughter the relationship pitfalls of preteen girls.  And then I thought about how this applies to our lives even as adults.

We all have toxic people in our lives...and many of us have to learn to cut those people out, it possible, or reduce our exposure to them if not.

My parents were divorced when I was very young.  My mom raised me with very little financial assistance or input from my father.  He was a person that I saw once a year (maybe) for a few days.  This brought out  myriad of emotions throughout my childhood...anger, hurt, self-doubt, apathy, you name it, it was there at some point.

When I turned 16, I wrote him a letter and basically gave him an ultimatum...you either have a daughter, or not, but it was decision time.  He suddenly became interested.  I visited a few times over the next couple of years. My dad had been remarried for the second time at this point, and my stepmom had a son that was a year older than me.  My father had adopted him.  Nope, that didn't annoy me, not at all (I don't lie well in real life either.)  My stepmom and I had an okay relationship.  A lot about her annoyed me, but I was good at letting it roll right on over my head.

I graduated from college, and like a dummy followed a boy.  After a year of living in a neighboring state with him and his crazy parents, I had to get out.  My dad was one small state (2 hours) away, my mom was several states and 12 hours away.  I moved in with my father to save money and figure out where I wanted to go with my life.  I met my husband and here I am.

When my husband and I were engaged, my stepmom (and therefore my father) wanted to pay for my wedding.  I agreed as long as I still had control...I didn't want wildly expensive, but I wanted what I like, not what someone else did.  We couldn't really afford a photographer, so we asked a sort of relative to take them.  I bought good film, lots of it.  It was videotaped.

I've never seen that video tape, and all the pictures of my husband and I alone are missing.  My stepmom came into our house while we were on our honeymoon and took them to be developed.  Then she kept her copy, plus the extras of quite a few.  She also had the "photographer" use cheap film she had and kept the good film.

Over the next year or so, many other things happened.  A rift formed.  I started to see a trend.  Between myself, my stepbrother, and my half sister (from the middle marriage), one of us had to be the "bad child."  And since I didn't bow down, and I wasn't financially dependent on her, I wouldn't play that game.  Eventually, I just stopped trying.  They lived less than a mile away from us, and we never saw them.  PB was 6 days old before they saw her, and that was because they stopped early in the morning to tell me they were moving to Kansas.  That was it.  A year or so later I tried  reconciliation, and after a couple of years, I found out how badly I was being treated, and that was it.  I haven't spoken to them since.

My father has never seen my son.  He hasn't seen PB since she was a toddler, and Bug since she was in early elementary school.  Every so often, I stop and think about this.  I test the wound to see how raw it is.  I wonder if I need to check on him...I think how I will feel when someday I find out he is gone.  And I've realized that while I'll feel sad, I don't think I will regret my decision.  It's one thing to screw with my feelings, but I won't let anyone hurt my children that way.  It makes me sad that they won't know as much about my father's family, as they were an important part of my childhood (I was the baby of all the grandkids...can you say spoiled rotten?)  But I see this as an example of cutting those toxic people out of our lives.

My MIL asked me over the holidays if I wanted to send him a letter, tell him all he is missing, show him all we have become.  And sometimes, that answer is yes.  Because he is my father, and sometimes I am that little girl that just wants his attention.  But then the adult quickly takes over and shuts that door. 

I have a great life.  I have people in my life that love me, that will do almost anything for me.  I have a wonderful husband, awesome children, a nice house and car and a good job.  I am a good person, and I've learned finally that I don't need his approval, or attention. 

I am still alive

I'm sorry I haven't been a very good blog citizen the last two weeks.  It started because I was busy...this single parent gig sucks at the Holidays.  And then it just felt okay to ignore the computer for the most part.  But I've been around.  And I have a few things to post about.  Today's topic seems to be a popular one lately...New Year's being about changes and resolutions.

Heather at Oh My Stinkin Heck has removed her blog.  I'm not going to say that it was a surprise...it was a surprise that she was removing it all together, but I've felt that blogging was becoming a chore for her lately.  I'm glad that she was able to make the right decision for her, but, wow, will I miss her blog.

Several other people have posted in the last few days about cutting down on screen time.  I signed up for Blog 365 in 2008, and I think I almost managed to make it.  I'm not that crazy this year.  That year was helpful, it helped me really think about my blog.  But I know I need to be able to not post, and it be okay.

I'm also going to admit something here...I spend way too much time online at work.  It's sort of become like an addiction, and I have to stop it.  That is my one resolution...it's not a New Year's one...I made it before the Holidays.  I just knew that I wouldn't actually be starting it until after my Holiday vacation, and so tomorrow, it begins.

I have lots of other topics to right about...how were our Holidays, what I've read and watched, rearranging and mild remodeling of our house.  Be patient dear reader, it will come.  I swear.

Wordless Wednesday

This week's picture is brought to you by Monster...

Six?!?!?!

My Monster turned 6 today.  I can't believe my baby is so big.  Soon he will be a full blown kid, no longer my baby.

His party was last Saturday, and he had a Martial Arts Party.  It was a blast...it was the first birthday party I've ever gone to that I wasn't exhausted when it was over.  His friends all had a blast, and the cake and pizza was all gone when it was over.  We played a game that you had to kick a balloon from one end to the other, using only your feet.  If your balloon hit the ground, you were out.  It was hard, but it was fun, and even the adults participated.

Today is his actual birthday.  We are celebrating with cupcakes at school, and dinner, gifts and desert with the whole family tonight.  His chosen menu is Hamburgers, French Fries, Mac and Cheese and Cucumbers.  I've purchased some cupcakes and a Strawberry pie that looks like it's made from ice cream.  He even has a gift and card from his daddy to open.  I know he misses his daddy more on days like today, but he will be surrounded by his family that loves him, and that will help.

Santa is coming through our development on a fire truck tonight...and he's going to call Monster by his name and tell him Happy Birthday.  He is going to lose his mind.  I can't wait.

I love you little boy.  You are a great source of love and joy.  Your imagination and empathetic nature make my heart almost burst with love every day.  I pray you never lose those traits.  Happy Birthday, big boy!

Fun Monday - RAK

MommyWizdom is our host this week, and she's helping us to remember that it's the season of giving.
The Assignment for this week was:

1) Your job this week is to go out and perform a random act of kindness. Now, before you freak out, please read on. This is actually really easy!! This act may be for someone you know or for a perfect stranger. It can be big or small, it'll all up to you. Obviously, it should be something within your means. For instance, don't go out and buy your next door neighbor a car and then complain to me that you can't make your mortgage payment, ok?
Your choices were to:
2) Blog about what you did and why. How did it impact the person(s) you did it for? And better yet, how did it impact you!? How did you feel after you did it? Would you do it again?
Or
3) If you've had a random act of kindness bestowed upon you (recently), we'd love to hear about it. How did it impact you? How did it make you feel?

I try to live my life remembering to find the blessings in each day.  Early in our marriage, DDS and I were poor.  I don't even think poor is a strong enough word for it.  Yet, somehow, we always managed, and I believe that God led people to do those Random Acts of Kindness when we needed them most.  Remembering those times, I'm always quick to try and use my resources when I know someone needs a hand.

I have a RAK in the works, but can't blog about it yet.

Every year, my section adopts a group of seniors at a local nursing home that don't have any family to provide Christmas for them.  We collect money and donations, and try to get them everything they ask for and more.  This year, in order to make sure we could really do some good for them, we organized a bake sale and silent auction.  When I say we, I mean one of my employees and myself.  It's a lot of work, but we raised over $300 in a few hours.  Our seniors want things like underwear, socks, brushes and such.  It makes me sad to see their list, as there is very little "frivilous" stuff...mostly because they don't need or have room for most things we all want.  They may ask for a small radio, or headset, or maybe a vcr, but never anything really big.  So we make sure we get everything on their list, maybe even extra sweats or something.  In addition, we try to buy some toiletries that are a little nicer than what they get just living in the nursing home.

We go and deliver the packages a few days before Christmas.  I cry the whole time.  Not sobs, just tears.  These people are so appreciative, not just for the stuff, but also for the company and attention.  Many of them decide to wait until Christmas day to open their gifts, but there's usully at least one person willing to open their items with us there.  I love to watch their excitement and joy over these simple items. We've talked in the past about trying to do something for them around Easter or something, but haven't ever pulled it off.  I'll have to post a reminder on my calendar.

The best darn pagent ever...sort of.

Today our services at church were led by our youth. I love these services...they are refreshing and entertaining.

We have a youth handbell choir that PB participates in (as does Bug when she's here). (When DDS and I were engaged we joined the handbell choir for this church...then became members. We stayed active in it for a few years, and then kids and such required us to take a break...and I haven't made it back yet. Maybe next year.) I love handbells. The whole group makes up one instrument, requiring that they work together to make the music. It's a good entrance into music, as you are generally only responsible for one or two bells (notes) to start with. And they just sound so pretty.

There is a great Ring -A-Story called Twinkle and the Bethlehem Star. It tells the story of the three kings, through the eyes of Twinkle, an escort for the Bethlehem star. This is the sermon for this service. In addition to the bells, we have children from the church act out the story. Monster was a sheep last year, and he was adamant that he wouldn't be again this year. To quote my sweet boy "I looked ridiculous, and I won't be a sheep again." So, he got to be a king this year. And what a cute little king he was.

They also acted out parts and sang songs before the sermon. My son was right next to the microphone, singing loudly into it. If he forgot the words, he just "ahhhed" his way through it. He made me laugh, but I'm glad he is so brave, so unafraid.

Lest you think I don't appreciate PB's part in this, she (and the rest of the handbell choir) did an awesome job. But I was very busy videotaping, and between services she was very busy hanging out with her friends, so I missed out on a photo of her.

It was a long day, but both services were awesome, and our kids did a great job.

Oh, and I totally made that crown (and two more just like it) using Jessica's Tutorial. Unfortunately, there was no wool felt in our one measley fabric store (the chain one, that's it. Yuck), so its crappy felt, but it did the trick.

First tree up, but soon to come down.

All day yesterday, as I was feeling so grumpy, I tried to remember to count my blessings. And I know that I have a good life, but sometimes, it all gets to be too much.

I've hinted in the last couple of posts that I had to decorate a tree that wasn't mine and my hosue. I've mentioned my game night before and Thursday night was the time for our Christmas one. The lady that was hostess this month is in the middle of remodeling her house...which means it's not in any state for her to host, so I offered her the use of my house. And then I remembered that meant I have to put up a tree.

My sons birthday is next Tuesday. We've never really been ones to get our tree too early anyway, but when I had him we decided not to get our tree until after his birthday. My husbands birthday is the 27th, so he appreciates what it's like to have a birthday so close to Christmas.

So back to my epiphany. I asked my mom if she could lend me her tree. It's not a very big tree, but I knew I could make it look cute and work. And boy did I...

I chose to go with a color theme, using all lighter green and red ornaments with white lights.  Everyone loved it, and it did the trick.  And I'm enjoying it, as are the kids.  Unfortunately, we have to give the tree back to my mom and replace it with our "real" tree next weekend :)

But I totally think I need one of these for our den...it's not very big in there, and this would help make the space even more festive.

I swear it's coming

I've started the Christmas tree story, but I've been too tired, too bah, to upload the photos and finish it. And now, I'm beat. I've been hanging with my mom and working on Christmas presents, and tomorrow is Monster's birthday party, so I'm off to bed. Night all.