Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Too much...

I am on complete overload.  Our friend was buried today, and Thursday another member of our guard family will be laid to rest.  She had not been deployed with my husband, but was still a part of the Signal Corp and worked with many of these soldiers.  These people are way to young to leave us, and the shockwaves are buffeting us all.  To go to a war zone for a year and have no major injuries or loss of life, and to come home and experience two in a month is insane.  I dread opening my military email, or hearing my husband answer the phone to a co-worker, worried that it's another call.  And I'm trying to comfort him when I don't have the words to say.  I know that time will begin to heal, but I see it taking some time. 

In the meantime, we have taken on a huge endeavor to update our basement family/craft room.  Paint and moving furniture has been therapeutic, and I'm trying to ignore the complete disaster my house is at this time.  I guess I should try to finish putting clothes away tonight, seeing as how I still have my suitcase from Disney lying on my floor with clothing still in it.

Good night all. 

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Our friends funeral service is tomorrow.  I've been sitting her tonight looking through all the pictures our friends and his wife have posted on Facebook, and the tears just won't stop.  Not for him...he's beyond pain and unhappiness, no matter what you believe happens after death.  But for his wife and kids.  Tomorrow will be a long day, as his service is in another state, so there is travel in addition to the service itself.

He will be buried in Arlington next week.  I most likely won't attend that ceremony.  It feels weird to say that I will know someone buried in Arlington.  This song by Trace Adkins keeps running through my head.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I strive to live in the moment, enjoying my family and my life for what it is today.  This wars with my planning nature, which wants to extrapolate out all the possible scenarios for upcoming events, figuring out how I'll handle each one.  It's hard to be in the moment when your mind is filled with what-if's.

Lately, I've been rushed and tired.  I'm feeling torn in several directions...busy at work, and busy at home.  When I'm home, I'm feeling guilty for what I didn't get done at work, and when I'm at work I just want to be home.  I know that a large part of this is wanting time with my husband now that he's home, but knowing why you are feeling a certain way doesn't make it go away, or even make it better.

But last week, a co-worker of my husbands passed away at 36 years old.  He leaves behind a wife and two small children, and a unit full of soldiers struggling to make sense of this event. He contracted spinal meningitis and died...by the time they knew what was wrong with him, it was too late.

Thinking about his wife and kids haunt me.  Knowing that he spent a year in a war zone, and came home in some of the best health of his life, then 3 weeks later dying...how do you reconcile that?  How do they go about their lives, living day to day, after the highs and horrible lows they've experienced in the last month? 

Right before my husband was deployed, a person I considered a friend lost her husband to the war in Afghanistan.  We had sort of lost touch, and I wasn't sure how to reach out to her.  And I was scared, and facing her lost meant dealing with the fear of losing my own spouse as he was leaving.  I still regret not following up with at least an email.  She recently friended me on facebook, and I'll be sending my feelings out to her. 

I found myself frustrated with my son this morning, and so ready to drop him off at the Youth Center.  And suddenly, this soldier's face flashed into my head.  I am so very blessed, and lately, I've let myself forget that.  I made sure to hug my baby extra tight when dropping him off, saying a prayer that I'll get to do this millions of times in the future. 

God blesses every day, it's up to us to notice.

GIS # I don't know, but it's time to get back on track
1.  My husband came home from the war.
2.  He's relatively healthy.
3.  He never saw heavy combat.
4. My family is intact again.
5. My children's laughter and hugs.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Coming home

I'm sitting at the Orlando airport, waiting for our plane to board. It's been a good vacation, but it will be good to be home. Even with the cold rain.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Photo journal, day 1

The reason for all the hooplah when my hubby's unit came home.  This is the Vice President's car.  I have lots more to tell, soon.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Living Life

Hi friends.  I'm living my life large here.  Right now, here is Disney World.  It's amazing how little you want to be on a computer when you haven't been a full family for a year...lol.  And now we are all celebrating at the House of Mouse.  We'll return to regularly scheduled posting once we return from the house of mouse.