Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tired, just tired.

I really didn't intend to be on such a long break. It's summer. It's supposed to be lazy. Someone needs to let my schedule know that.

On top of the crammed pack schedule, I've been dealing with a bout of the blues. I'm over this deployment. People comment on us being single parents. But I don't like that description. Single parents have to do it all themselves. With no end in sight. This is hard, and I would never dispute this. I get to be a single parent, but for a short time. I have to make short term decisions, but still try to include my husband in those decisions enough to allow him to still feel like part of the family. It's hard to's frustrating, most of the time. The sense of limbo, of just trying to get through the days until everything is put back to rights. I'm lucky because both of our mothers live here, as well as my sister-in-law, and they are more than willing to help. But they can only do so much. I am still the parent. All.The.Time. There is no other parent to fall back on.

While my husband has been gone, I have had to maintain our lives. It's not fair to the children that we can't go to the beach or park or whatever because I need to do all the laundry, dishes, maintenance, etc. by myself, which means it takes too long. So sometimes, it doesn't get done. And I hate that. Sometimes, I have to decide which event is more likely to cause lifelong damage if I miss it, as I'm expected to be in two places at the same time. I still have to go to work 5 days a week. Added in with all of this, I need to find time to talk to my husband with a 7 hour time difference, send him letters and care packages, and try to discover new ways to keep us close with a roommate there and children always underfoot here. Add in trying to find time to exercise and eat right, and it starts to feel like too much.

And lately? I've been failing at some of this. And I'm feeling it. And that makes the pressure and sadness worse. I feel like my brain is constantly going. I stay up late almost every night, hoping to either see my hubby online or trying to get some chore or another done. And then on the weekends I end up crashing. I'm tired, and I'm cranky, (and I know I am...even when I'm trying not to be) and I'm frustrated and I'm lonely, and I'm just TIRED OF IT all....

But I know. I know this is what we signed up for. I know that his decision to serve is right for him. I know that a year really isn't all that long in the scheme of our life. I know that God will not let me go over the edge, no matter how close I feel I am.

And I know that when he comes home, we will adjust again. And our world will tilt back into the right direction. And I'll be better. I just have to make it for 2 more months...1/6 of the total deployment. Pray for me, please!

Thursday, July 09, 2009

LIfe is throwing me lemons

And a few of them are unbloggable, which sucks. Because not only are they the things that are sucking down my time so that I can't blog, but then I can't even use them for blog fodder.  Yuck.

My mom was rear-ended a few weeks ago, and yesterday her transmission went out in her van.  Luckily, some good samaritans helped push her out of the street and into a dealership parking lot, but they were 45 minutes away from home.  And they were taking my grandmother for eye surgery in that town.  So I had to leave work, grab Monster and head down to get them there on time.  This relayed into a whole evening, night and morning of handling all of this.  There are hilarious and not so hilarious stories to tell, but since they involve others, I can't really share them here.  But it meant I might have had free time that could have been used to blog, but no internet access in which to connect to this blog.  Oh yay.

I just have to share that at 3:30 this morning, I believe my grandmother thought that the dresser in the room would move if she just kept beating her walker against it.  Over and over again.  Never mind that the bathroom wasn't even that way.  By the time I woke up enough to realize that she was stuck, my mom had already grabbed her and directed her the right way.  Luckily she didn't wake up the boy attached to my side sound asleep.

It reminded my of my other grandparents blind dog.  If someone left a chair out, she would repeatedly walk into it, instead of going around it.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Adventure travel - road tripping with my kids

When my husband deployed last fall, I promised PB and Monster that we would have a year full of adventures.  So far, we've gone to DC several times, NYC, and now, Chicago.  I think I'm keeping up my end of the bargain.

Thursday, July 25th, we left our house heading to Chicago.  I drove.  Just me and the kids.  We stopped for the night just over the West Virginia/Ohio border, then continued on, stopping in West Lafayette to check out where I went to College, and the Triple X family restaurant. The kids and I saw this restaurant on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives a while back, and I commented that it was located near where I lived while in college.  When I mentioned that I wanted to take the kids through there, PB immediately asked to go to the restaurant.  (I just remembered that we always called it the triple chi.  Cause we were so  Then we finished off our trip north of Chicago late that evening.  Over the course of the week, we visited local attractions near my friends house, Chicago, and Six Flags.  Friday morning, we got up, packed, loaded up the car, and drove home.  We stopped in Michigan to see Bug, and got home in the wee small hours of the morning Saturday morning.  There is a lot more to tell you about all those days, but tonight is a recap, teaser, taste of what is to come.

But right now, I still feel like I'm recuperating from driving all stinking night.  And my bed is calling me.  Sweet dreams.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Still alive

Just busy having fun on vacation. More later, and I swear next week I will get back to posting regularly.