Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Oh my, Jenny from Mama Drama commented on my blog...I'm grinning from ear to ear. If you've never checked out the Mama Drama blog, you should. These women are hilarious! Every day is an adventure over there.

Isn't it amazing how quickly we can be transported back to high school. I won't claim that high school was tramautic for me, but it wasn't the best experience of my life either. It's possible that since I went to 4 high schools, I was destined to always be the new girl. And I was okay with that. I had my few friends, most of them older, and I did my own thing. And looking back, I realize it wasn't that bad...there are good memories there. But then, something else comes along, and triggers those bad feelings and memories. The feeling of being alone, different, not one of "them."

College was an eye opening experience for me. Yes, I still had those moments of shyness, of not being cool enough, of not belonging. But I learned...I learned that good friends are priceless. They are the ones that will clean your puke after your 21st birthday and laugh at it with you the next day. They will also make sure you cover yourself after stripping off the shirt you just puked on in front of a bunch of guys...lol. They will be the Godmother to your children, and even after you live hundreds of miles apart with different lives, they will still be your best friend. I also learned to trust myself, and to believe in myself and my decisions.

After numerous years, those feelings have come back to haunt me at odd moments. Moments of feeling outside the crowd, not in sync with those around me. As a new mama, there were numerous experiences like this. You dont' have a Bugaboo? Your child is in daycare? You breastfed for 3 months? Only 3 months? Many of these comments sent me right back to high school. But with age has come understanding. But I've found that at some of my lowest times, I can remember those lessons I learned in college and in life since then. I can look at my family, my friends, my life, and see the blessings within. I can remember to search for those blessings everyday, even when it seems like there will be none. I am stronger that teenage girl believed, and even though I didn't storm the world in the ways I thought I would back then, I have and will continue to do my part to make it a better place. I will raise my beautiful, smart and caring children to become wonderful adults, and I will remember that they are the best gift I can give to the world, and they are my biggest accomplishment.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Real moms...good moms

Wow, I forgot to come back and publish this weeks ago....whoops :)

Rebecca over at Girls Gone Child has asked us all to talk about why we are good mothers. As she says, we are all too quick to put ourselves down, refer to ourselves as bad mothers, and not "toot our own horn" as it were. And I understand her point...I really do.

I've always been sure that the choices I've made have been in the best interest of my children. That makes me a good mother. And when others have commented that I was a good mom, I felt a big swell of pride...that's one of the most important things to me. I do my best to be at all of their activities and games, eat dinner with them almost every night, tuck them in, soothe their fears and booboos, play with them, listen to them, talk to them, teach them, and the myriad of other "qualities" that make you a good mom. A few years ago, I truly did all of that, putting their needs first all the time. And then one day, I had an epiphany. I could be a good mom, and still be a woman, an individual. If I missed one soccer game, they really wouldn't be scarred for life. If someone else tucked them in one night, it wouldn't cause horrible nightmares to descend upon them. I could go out with their father, I could go out with my friends, and still be a good mom. Actually, it makes me an even better mom. I feel good, knowing that I'm showing my girls how to be a mother, wife, and individual. And I hope that someday, my son decides to marry a girl that is strong enough to fulfill all the qualities of a good mother while still maintaining her individuality.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


It's been a long couple of weeks. The newness has worn off the promotion and real work has set in. I enjoy the work, but there are some issues that need to be resolved that just sit heavy on my mind most of the time.

My personal life hasn't been much better lately. As I've mentioned before, my husband is away from us. It's always been the rule more than the exception that things break while he is gone. Things that I'm just not sure how to fix. Things like lawnmowers and weedeaters, the whole house fan, the light in my closet, the list could go on. I am pretty handy, I can do things myself and I actually enjoy mowing the lawn. The problem lies in time. With three kids, two old enough to have several activities, our lives can run towards the busy. This is the time of year that it seems to come to a head. Everyone is trying to get all the last hurrah, end of year things in, and it just makes the schedule very hectic. So while I don't mind spending and hour and a half mowing and weedeating (actually, I hate weedeating, but the lawn just doesn't look finished if you don't do it, and then I'm not happy with it...I'm a perfectionist when it comes to landscaping...anyway, I digress), finding that hour and a half without sacrificing something like dinner, that is hard. Add the non working equipment to that...well, you see how futile the whole thing becomes.

And just for giggles, you can add PMS on top of this incredibly long and difficult week (which started last week). Yup, no partner, lots of stress, 3 kids, and PMS...life was grand in this household.

Luckily, my mom isn't using her push mower and brought it over tonight...tomorrow night I stop by and pick up my Mother-in-law's electric weedeater, and by bed time tomorrow night, my yard will be improved. Several of the issues at work have resolved themselves. My birthday is in 2 days, and I may actually get to go out Friday night without my children or a chaperone (no hubbs, but you don't always get it all). All in all, this week is definitely shaping up to be better. It's always amazing how stressed out I can be, and how it all tends to resolve itself if I just give it time.

And I haven't forgotten my desire to volunteer. I'm still trying to find the right thing for me (us). I think I may need to wait until school is out...I'll have loads more time then. Maybe I'll find a way to help that hasn't already been discovered...

Now if I could just get someone to change the switch in the fan...