Tuesday, June 23, 2009


That's what I've been feeling lately.  And I really don't like it.

May/June is always a busy time of year around here.  My job is at it's busiest during the summer (except for next week...it's the one slow week.)  It's stressful and a major time suck, just when my personal life heats up and becomes even busier with end of school year functions.  And this year I felt the pressure even more to be there for my kidlins, since they were milestone celebrations.

But what's really dragging me down is missing my husband.  It's nothing big that causes it, but a million little things every day.  Finding maggots in both of our outside trash cans, and knowing that I'll have to clean them out Wednesday night after the trash people come. Deep cleaning our "den" all by myself, and still having o take care  the laundry and dinner.  Seeing someone drive by on a motorcycle, and realizing that we won't be enjoying that freedom this summer.  Trying to determine when we might be able to go to the beach and drive the jeep up on the sand and realizing how much work it will be alone.  Not having my best friend to go out with, snuggle with, or throw up my hands and stalk out of the room from.  And a zillion more.  I think it's a combination of the (relatively) short time he has left in this deployment, and realizing at the same time that my favorite season will be gone by the time he does come home.  I never realized before how much I loved summer, and the many things we do as a family and couple.  And I'm missing that.

On top of that, I had to have fillings replaced twice over the last two weeks, and yesterdays was a major suck...of time, energy, and happiness.  It was a hour and half procedure, during which I fought to not hyperventilate or pass out.  And my mouth continued to hurt for hours after the numbness wore off.  Dinner consisted of grilled cheese and a milkshake.  And for a few minutes, I sat there and wallowed in the self-pity that I still had to take Monster to Martial Arts, get them showered and fed and tucked in bed, because I'm currently a single parent.  But then I was reminded how lucky I am.

He may be a world away from me tonight, but he loves me.  And we are in this together, no matter what.  When this deployment ends, he will come home to me.  And I will get the chance to fight and yell and love and touch him.  There are others that don't get that chance. 

Monday, June 22, 2009


Maybe it's the time of year.  School is ending, activities are ending, dreary days are giving way to hot and sunny days (hey, I can dream here, right?), but tonight?  The endings are sad.

First, I read this.  I read Sweetney pretty regularly, but wouldn't even begin to claim to know her life.  But this made my heart hurt.  And then I watched Jon & Kate + 8 tonight.  And yes, I knew last week when I started seeing the previews exactly what the announcement was going to be.  But that didn't stop me from watching.  Because I needed to see how they handled it.  I needed to see what they told the kids.  I needed to see it.  And it made my stomach hurt, and my heart hurt.  But most importantly, it made me appreciate what I do have even more.  It all does.

It's so much easier to handle divorce, separations, whatever, when one party is wrong.  When one person is abusive, cheating, etc.  Everyone loves to chear against the villian.  It's so much harder when the together just isn't right.  When the feelings for each other are still there, but something is still missing.  When there is no villian.  Those are the situations that always make me long for a magic wand, a way to make that something right.  To erase the pain caused by doing what you think is the right thing.

As I said before, these are two people hurting, with the whole world watching.  And while Sweetney doesn't have quite the audience they do, she still has an audience.  Tonight I pray for peace for all the parties involved in these situations. 

Thursday, June 18, 2009


things I need to blog about, but I'm too busy doing to do so...

Last day of school
summer day camp
getting a tooth filled (with another session coming)
game night
End of the fiscal year (and I'm in accounting/budgeting)
Philadelphia Zoo
Cleaning my house
Wishing for many more hours in every day...

and now, I'm off to do the one thing that I never seem to have enough time to do...


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Middle school, here we come (again)

My baby girl is "graduating" from 5th grade today. It really does just seem like a year or so ago that she started Kindergarten, looking a lot like this...
The beginning of this year, she looked like this...
and now? She looks like this...
I can't believe how much she has grown this year. Physically, she's grown almost a foot. She's slimming down and getting curves and I want to scream and cry at her to stop. But she has developed a great sense of self awareness. She has started to recognize and accept her flaws and quirks, even joining in the laughter when we "pick on her."
Unfortunately, that hasn't stopped the temper tantrums and whining. I swear we have tried everything...I HATE the whining.
But I love her. And I'm proud of her. She has worked hard, and I'm looking forward to the middle school experience with her.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Beaching it, Kindergarten version

Today was Monster's field trip to the beach. Yes, we took 85 Kindergarteners to the beach. Crazy? Yes, especially when the beach we went to didn't have a playground or anything near by. We had sand, the water that they were allowed to dip their toes in, and the pier they could bother the fisherman on. For 3 hours.

But I got to watch my son interact with his friends. And give him the occasional kiss or hug. This was my view, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Upon Leaving Kindergarten

Monster "graduates" from Kindergarten today.  Technically, his last day of school is next Thursday, but we have a field trip on Monday, and the 5th graders graduate on Tuesday (which means PB will be getting her post next week...lol), and the rest of the week is half days.  So today is the day.

I have such mixed emotions about this day.  I'm proud of all that he has accomplished this year, and at how well he's adapted to school.  I worried last summer if he would be able to listen, sit still, not drive the teacher mad.  But he does sit still, and he listens.  At one point, I wondered if he would ever learn his "letters" or to read. He's reading to me now.  He's grown physically as well, and no longer is he my baby...he's all boy now.

But some things haven't changed.  He still lives each day with gusto.  Every thing is exciting (except the American Girl store in NYC...lol), and we have to run every where we go.  His imagination is vibrant, and he still shares his make believe world with me.  We have cuddle sessions every day, and he's constantly hugging and kissing everyone in his family.

Next year he will go to school all day, eat lunch in the cafeteria, and start having gym and music and art.  He'll have homework, and he'll learn so much more.  I just hope that he stays my little boy for a bit longer.

Update - Yay for me.  I didn't cry once. 

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Seriously, I've had enough

I am on my 3rd migraine this week.  I haven't had one in a year, and now I've had three this week.  I'm really ready for Friday night, when I will crawl in bed and sleep until I wake up late on Saturday.  Now I'm going to be and sleeping until the dreaded alarm goes off tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Miscellany, migraine edition.

MommyWizdom was hosting this week's Fun Monday, and I had every itention of participating, until the migraine from hades ripped my Monday away.  Maybe next week I'll enjoy a Fun Monday.

So speaking of migraines, I haven't had one in about a year.  But Monday I had one.  And this morning I started down the path to one a soon as I stepped foot in work.  I left and 30 minutes and 3 ibuprofens later I was fine.  I think I may be allergic to my office. 

Have you seen this site yet?  Oh my goodness.  Honey, we might want to make sure Monster never has access to the computer without one of us present.  This could push him right over the edge to the criminal.

It was a long day.  I returned to shredding after a week's hiatus.  I needed that week...Mother Nature is not nice, and last week was proof of that.

That's it.  I'm sore and tired and going to bed.  And dreaming of not getting a migraine tomorrow.