Tuesday, June 23, 2009


That's what I've been feeling lately.  And I really don't like it.

May/June is always a busy time of year around here.  My job is at it's busiest during the summer (except for next week...it's the one slow week.)  It's stressful and a major time suck, just when my personal life heats up and becomes even busier with end of school year functions.  And this year I felt the pressure even more to be there for my kidlins, since they were milestone celebrations.

But what's really dragging me down is missing my husband.  It's nothing big that causes it, but a million little things every day.  Finding maggots in both of our outside trash cans, and knowing that I'll have to clean them out Wednesday night after the trash people come. Deep cleaning our "den" all by myself, and still having o take care  the laundry and dinner.  Seeing someone drive by on a motorcycle, and realizing that we won't be enjoying that freedom this summer.  Trying to determine when we might be able to go to the beach and drive the jeep up on the sand and realizing how much work it will be alone.  Not having my best friend to go out with, snuggle with, or throw up my hands and stalk out of the room from.  And a zillion more.  I think it's a combination of the (relatively) short time he has left in this deployment, and realizing at the same time that my favorite season will be gone by the time he does come home.  I never realized before how much I loved summer, and the many things we do as a family and couple.  And I'm missing that.

On top of that, I had to have fillings replaced twice over the last two weeks, and yesterdays was a major suck...of time, energy, and happiness.  It was a hour and half procedure, during which I fought to not hyperventilate or pass out.  And my mouth continued to hurt for hours after the numbness wore off.  Dinner consisted of grilled cheese and a milkshake.  And for a few minutes, I sat there and wallowed in the self-pity that I still had to take Monster to Martial Arts, get them showered and fed and tucked in bed, because I'm currently a single parent.  But then I was reminded how lucky I am.

He may be a world away from me tonight, but he loves me.  And we are in this together, no matter what.  When this deployment ends, he will come home to me.  And I will get the chance to fight and yell and love and touch him.  There are others that don't get that chance. 

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