Friday, January 16, 2009

Today, I feel like a bad mother

(Disclaimer...I know I am a good mother, and I'm not looking for validation here.  But I've let a few things lapse the last couple of weeks, and I need to come clean to relinquish my

I just received an email from PB's band teacher.  She hasn't been to practice or full band since Christmas break, and they have a concert in two she still interested, or is she giving it up?  Uhm, I'm pretty sure she's interested, but band is on Friday, and by Thursday night, we are a house just trying to survive until Friday night.  Plus, she isn't the most organized person, and she forgets things often.  Things like the lunch we just packed and I reminded her to pick up, and she says, "I know" and walks off without remembering to grab said lunchbox.  Yup.  So I think it's more a matter of "whoops, crap, I forgot" when she gets to school and it's too late to do anythign about it.

So I'll talk to her tonight, and see where she stands.  And somehow I'll program my Thursday night brain to remember that band is on Friday.  But with that email came a metric butt load of guilt.  Because I've been feeling a little like I'm phoning it in lately. 

Single parenting is hard.  This isn't a surprise to pretty much anyone, I'm sure, most especially not me.  But this time is harder for me in some ways.  I feel like I've lost my mind.  I can't remember things, can't get motivated to get things done.  I'm constantly back tracking, trying to catch the ball I dropped.  And it sucks! 

Only 8-9 more months. Hopefully, I don't kill a child or burn down the house before then. 

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