This whole weekend has felt frustrating with my kids. I know that they need more sleep than they have gotten in the lst few days, and I'm trying to plan some early bedtimes over the next few nights. But the level of frustration was just too much tonight, and I spoke in that bad mommy tone for a short while. And I can sit here and justify it to myself. And I know it happens. But even as I was doing it, I was feeling like a heel. And I wanted to stop, but I couldn't get that 10 minutes I needed, as we were in the car. Once we were home, and they had time to romp in their rooms without me hearing them, I was in a little better frame of mind.
This sole caregiver thing is tough. I don't say single parent, as I am least blessed to still have the second income to help cover expenses. And I have wonderful family and friends that want to spend time with my kids, that want to help. But I've had a lot on my plate the last couple of weeks, and I feel like my kids have had a little too much time with those family members. They need me. And so, knowing I had to go to work today, I made plans for them to come with me, and watch a movie in the conference room on the wall. They enjoyed it, and they were pretty good. I'm hoping that this will be something they remember, and that this evening's outburst will be shortly forgotten.
It isn't just being the main care giver for the kids, but all the things that entails. I am the only one capable of taking out the trash, cooking dinner, helping Monster with his shower, washing, drying clothes. PB can help fold, and they both help put theirs away and help unload the dishwasher. It just gets tiring and time-consuming sometimes. I really would love for someone else to figure out what's for dinner for a few nights.
On top of all this, I'm frustrated again tonight with Bug's situation. Her mom can't afford to buy her a coat apparently. The child told me that the area they are in isn't as prosperous as ours (I really don't understand why this child thinks we live in the lap of luxury...seriously) and they are having some job issues right now, so they are looking into getting her a coat. This woman has barely contributed to the cost of raising this child for the last 8 years, and now she wants us to continue to pay for everything while she gets to make all the choices. And I feel stuck. I hate to know that the child is walking to and from school in the cold without a coat. No child should ever have to do that. But it pisses me off that it's just assumed that we will cough up the needed funds. So on that note, I'm off to push aside my anger and irritation, and see if I can cram this coat into one of those flat rate boxes. Wish me luck.