Inspiration from...reality tv?

Have you seen the new reality series Ruby on Style Network? I was skeptical...I really don't like reality shows in general. But this one has drawn me in.

For those of you who haven't watched, Ruby Gettinger is a woman living in Savannah, Georgia. She's very pretty, very southern, and very heavy. Ruby weighed almost 500 pounds when she started this series. She has assembled a team (with the help of the network, I'm sure) that consists of a nutritionist, a psychiatrist, an obesity specialist, a personal trainer and her family doctor. Ruby received a wake up call when her doctors told her she was going to die if she didn't take care better care of her health.

Ruby struggles. Although she is handed prepared meals and has a trainer and etc., she struggles. And she is honest about that struggle. In a recent episode, she went to a pizza place with her friends, and you could see how hard it was for her to ask them to heat up her meal, and not order just one slice of pizza. In the same episode, she ordered a smoothie, and even though she justified that she was allowed several snacks a day, she still didn't finish the smoothie. Determination is there, and she allows everyone to see her struggle, her weak moments. It truly is inspirational to watch.

I have a very good friend that has struggled with her weight all her life. I have been angry for her many times since I met her. I hate when people say "she could be a beautiful person if she would just lose the weight." "Maybe she just needs to eat better." The list could go on. She is beautiful, just the way she is. She is stylish, put together. And she is an awesome friend (and godmother). She doesn't eat any worse than most people...sure she eats ice cream or chips sometimes, but she also eats veggies and lean meats. For some reason, she is heavy. That shouldn't make her an object of pity or scorn, and most of the time, she is able to ignore those who would detract from her.

I have also struggled with my weight...I was always 20 pounds heavier than I should be. I'm a relatively active individual...I don't sit on my butt watching TV for hours on end. I walk, I play with my kids, I mow the grass, I clean my house. But I can never seem to fit exercise into my day. I eat pretty healthy, and I've tried Weight Watchers, several times. I might lose a little weight, but nothing major. I know how to eat. I know I need to exercise. What I don't know is how to cram more into the 24 hours I've been given. I'm going to work on that. I may not get it in gear before Christmas, but after...I'm going full force.

And that time thing? It's just an excuse, just me finding yet another reason to not do what I know I need to do. Over a year ago, Heather at OMSH wrote a great post about the struggle to lose weight. She broke it down to us in realistic words...we are selfish brats. These paragraphs have remained with me since I read them almost 15 months ago.

If you, like me, have managed to find an amazing man to love, marry and bear children with, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have children who love and depend on you, you are being selfish by being obese. If you, like me, have immediate and extended family that loves you, you are selfish for being obese.

It is selfish. It is choosing sugar in my coffee over the possibility of seeing my grandchildren. It is choosing “just one more bite” over being able to have monkey sex with my husband (you can’t erotically swing from chandeliers if you are obese). It is choosing ROUTE 44 SONIC CHERRY COKES over being able to participate in your child’s Fun Run, Jump Rope for Heart, Turkey Trot, Track ‘n Field.

IT IS CHOOSING YOURSELF OVER EVERYTHING ELSE.

I am lucky...I fell in love and married a man who loves me. He loves me just the way I am...unconditionally. And for the most part, I am happy in my life. But this one thing, this "beast" as Ruby calls it, has defeated me. And I'm tired of being defeated.

I am tired, but I'm also realistic. It's the HOLIDAYS. I can not avoid food for the next month. But I can make an effort to counteract the junk food that is available. I can pack my lunch (which saves money as well, so it's a win/win!). I can make healthy meals for my kids and I. I can skip the evening snack. I can drink less tea, continue reducing the amount of sugar I put in the pitcher. I can say no to soda, no to the cookies and cakes and candy that lay around this time of year. I can do it. And it's time I start.

So, I'm going to start keeping track. And I'm going to report to you all. At least once a week, I'm going to report how selfish I've been. It's time to stop being so selfish.

And thank goodness, it's the end of NaBloPoMo. And only one month of Blog 365. I think I might have missed a few days in September, but I really have almost posted all 365 days. Go me.