Holiday Meltdown

So, are you recovering for the gluttony that was Christmas? Because I'm so over the whole Holiday thing. I don't even care about New Year's Eve this year. We're going to a party, but it's not anything that I think will be too memorable, so I could really care less right now. Really, I'm tired of the whole family thing...tired of trying to make everyone happy and being fair...tired of it all. I'm blessed that our family is all located close by, and I know that and appreciate it. I'm just feeling a little burnt out right now.

So now the new year will begin. Of course, I'm back on the weight loss wagon. I've been saying this for years, and I do okay, then maintain right where I've always been. I'm hoping that this time is better. My husband will be gone from the middle of Feb until June, and I'm usually much more disciplined with him gone. So hopefully he'll come back to a thinner wife. And he's going to have to do forced PT a lot, so he'll bring me back a thinned down husband. Woohoo bathing suit season!

I also resolve to continue my pursuit of mindful parenting. I've been doing very well with this, and want to continue. I want to get more scrapbooking done, spend more time with my hobbies and less with the computer and work related stuff.

Do you make resolutions? What are they? How good are you at keeping them?

Christmas lists

GcQ posted about Christmas gift giving. I thought I would share our gift giving ideas...not that anyone probably cares, but I needed to post something, and the comment was getting too long on her site...lol

Just before Thanksgiving, I take the three kiddos out to a local mega store with a decent toy aisle. They each have a notebook and pencil, and we wander the store writing down everything they want. I don't care what they put on these lists...we've already made it clear that this is a WISH list and they may not receive everything on it. On Thanksgiving, when we're all sitting around moaning from eating too much, everyone gets paper and pen, the sale fliers start making the rounds, and the kids tweak and the adultsl create a list of things we like. Someone (usually me) types the list up, prints out copies of it for everyone, and off we all go. I like this better than registries. There's still the element of surprise, but no one is buying me more candles (which I love, but sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by the amount of them) or clothes I won't wear. I can go out and purchase stuff for the rest of his family and not stress that they won't like it. Best of both worlds. This doesn't preclude me from buying them things not on the list that I think they will love. It also has the benefit of providing parent approved selections for the grandparents to choose from. All in all, it works well.

For work, I stress.

How do you handle gift giving.

Oh Christmas Tree

This was yesterday's post, but I forgot to post it...lol

The tree is decorated, and my DH (who when we first started pulling Christmas stuff out, commented that we had way too much) has agreed that we need to buy much more. Every year, I think the tree is the loveliest, and every year it gets lovlier. My son's favorite ornament this year? It isn't the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine (his favorite cartoon ever)...no it's the santa in a box! 25 minutes spent closing him and then twisting it until he popped back out. Priceless.

Birthday bash hangover

How is that I didn't imbibe of one alcoholic beverage yesterday, but I woke up with a hangover that rivals some of my college days?

Yesterday was my son's 4th birthday. I can't believe that my baby is 4...he's such a little man now, instead of a baby. We had his "friend" birthday party at a local kids destination in the early afternoon, and then the family came over last night for the "family" celebration. My kids make out for birthdays...sometimes they end up spanning a week long period trying to get everyone together. This year, the monster's fell on Saturday, so it was an all day gluttony of cake and gifts. But he was happy, and when he went to bed, he told us it was the best birthday ever...that brought a big smile to mama's face!

Today we went and bought our Christmas Tree!!! It will be put up today, lit tomorrow, and decorated Tues. This is our first Christmas in our home, and I'm so excited! We have a few decorations done this year, but next year, watch out! I can start buying stuff without worrying about where it will go if we move again, so the buying fest will begin the day after Christmas.

What about you, do you go all out decorating, or is Christmas just a tree in your house?

Wow, I can't believe it's been that long since I last blogged. Sorry all, I've been a slacker in blogland. But real life has been interrupting.

A little rant. I hate reading people's applications. People put the dumbest things on their applications and think it sounds good. I don't need a math/history lesson from you about accounting. It's not real accounting, which is why it's called an Account Tech. And hello, have you heard of spell check? It's painful, and I want to help these people (especially when I've seen their applications several times and they aren't getting better) but I'm not allowed to. That sucks, and if I ever agree to be a SME again, I've given those I work with permission to slap me upside the head.

That said, It's almost Christmas! I feel like I've been slowly getting into the spirit, but it just doesn't feel Christmas like. Maybe it's because my focus has been on my baby turning 4 this Saturday...I can't believe he is such a big boy already! Of course, the poor thing has been nebulizer bound for the last week...hopefully he'll be better by this weekend!

I have a meme that I stole from someone (I forgot to link it back in my draft form and can't find it now...oops) that I'll post soon.

Belated Thankful list

Every day I am thankful. A few years ago, my mother bought me a mug that says "God blesses every day, it's up to us to see it." I've always loved that saying, and I try hard to remember to look for those blessings every day. I choose to be a happy person for the most part. So here is my list of things I'm thankful for.

1. My health - Although I need to lose a few pounds and exercise more, I'm blessed with basically good health.

2. My children - I love them more than life itself, more than anything else in the world. They are my heart.

3. My children's health - I have a child with asthma and one that is pre-asthmatic, but I still feel so blessed. There are so many other illnesses and diseases that we could have to fight. I make sure I say a thank you every day for their health.

4. My husband - I was very lucky to find a man that I love and can live with. A man who is decent and kind, an although far from perfect, he is perfect for me.

5. My home - I love my home...it suits our family and I'm at peace here.

6. My extended family - They are a wonderful with very few issues (well, the ones we talk to regularly are...lol) and they truly love and spoil my kids.

There are a million other things I'm thankful for...the wonderful blue sky with the pretty white clouds, the chance to see the very dark and beautiful water when you're out on the open sea, the warm days when it should be cold, the rain on a summer day drenching the flowers...I try to see these things and take the pleasure in them.

Mostly, I'm thankful for my life.

Hey Mama!

Guess What Mama!? Mama!!! Mama, Can I? Daddy....oh wait, no we don't use that word in this house. That word is a naughty word, or maybe it's a forbidden word, or possibly we just don't like words that start with D (nope, we love the word dessert, so that can't be it) But that word doesn't get uttered at the beginning of a sentence in our house by anybody under the age of 18. Never...unless I'm not there, and then I'm not really sure. It's always Mama they come to...when they need a drink, or their butts wiped, or whatever else they may need. Mama. And while I've always tried to keep positive thoughts, it's getting harder to do so. A million times a day, I remind myself that this is a sign that my kids know they can rely on me, that they aren't afraid to ask me questions, that they know I love and care for them. But sometimes, I want to care a little less. Sometimes, I don't want to be the one that determines if they can have a snack or not. Sometimes, I want to hear that D word at the beginning of the sentences.

Please, don't misunderstand me, my husband is a good father and husband. He is just listening impaired. You truly have to say things at least 3 times for them to infiltrate his brain. Our children aren't that patient, so they've developed the coping mechanism of just not asking him for anything. This happens even when we tell them Daddy is in charge, don't ask Mama anything. And yes, I know that someday I'm going to miss those voices asking me so sweetly for a fruit roll up, but for now, I would truly settle for a few free hours. *

* Work doesn't count in these houre, because then I have adult children using my real name in the place of Mama!

so sue me

I failed...oh well. Who decided November was a good month for this insanity? With all the holidays (yes, I work for the government and get Election Day, Veterans Day and two days for Thanksgiving as holidays in this month alone) I'm wiped out. How do Election Day and Veterans Day wipe me out? Why am I so much busier? Who knows, but I failed. And now there will be no cool gift for me. Bummer!

It's been one nasty two week period, and I will be happy when Sunday arrives. I have several blogs started, but just can't seem to end them...maybe next week.

Oh crap, I did it now

I totally forgot to post yesterday. In between the doctors office visit for me and my mother-in-law (picture us in the waiting room...Mrs. Lang? Yes, which one? Tee hee) and getting out to vote and cleaning my house from top to bottome, I forgot to log on and publish. I now have drugs for my sinus infection, and I'm dehydrating more by the second...oh yeah, and I only got like 2 hours of solid sleep last night. So I'll post twice today...maybe the contest Gods will smile upon me and everyone else will forget one day...say like on Thanksgiving...hehe.

Boy this is hard...

I have some really great pictures of my kids. They are the snapshots I keep on my desk at work, on the mantle at home, in my memory because they make me smile. Shots of my son and oldest daughter with coonskin caps and funny faces, pics of my son in too big boxer briefs, tshirt and dress shirt smiling big in our newly painted kitchen. A snapshot of the younger daughter busy creating her artwork with silly buns in her hair and a princess tierra on her head. I love these pictures so much, I want to share them with the world on here. I want the world to chuckle at my kidlins, tell me how cute they are. This has been struggle for me even before I began my blog. I'm a member of a couple of forums, and to share or not to share has always been a question I had to answer after much thought. I had almost decided to share here, and then I read another persons blog. I refuse to link that blog here, or even type it's name. It was a hateful, immature blog that made me want to rant and rave at the creator. They took a picture of another persons child and photo shopped it into something nasty. They said this was to protest us "mamabloggers" using our children for profit. Hmmm...I'm not getting any income from this, so I'm not sure how that works...but nonetheless, I know how devastated I would be if someone took one of those precious pictures of my children and morphed into something horrible. Unfortunately, the person took the argument and made it something personal and immature. Not a good way to get her point across.

I did a lot of thinking after reading several of the blogs regarding this topic. The person who wrote it was discussing how our children would have to live later in life with the fact that anyone could google them and find out that they pooped in the bathtub at 2, or that so and so's mom was institutionalized for a while and the bullying and obnoxious playground antics would ensue. And that is a valid point...this is their story, and we are telling it for them. But I am horrible about putting it into a journal, and so I'm using that as a sort of journal for them. But people like that blogger, they are the reason I am so careful with names and pictures. And why sadly, you won't see those cute pictures that make me smile, unless you come visit my house.

Copyright 2006 Mamalang

Isn't Monday supposed to be the bad day?

I'm sick...and it's getting worse. I have a messy house that needs cleaned since 12 women are coming over Thursday, and my hubby seems to be PMSing. My teenager can't seem to complete one chore. All in all, I'm just in a funk tonight. My son cuddled with me earlier, and that sweet little boy affection did wonders for my tired soul. Then he turned into terror child, screaming so hard he had spittle flying...aaahhh, the wonders of a lack of sleep. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day, or I won't make it through this post a blog a day month.

With all that said, the soccer party today was very nice. The coach is a genuinely nice person, and I can tolerate all of the other parents...a few I even like. The kids all get along well, and they spent the entire time entrenched in some made up game, happily laughing and shouting. Unfortunately, since I'm sick I currently have no voice, which made it difficult to gather up the young un's when it was time to go. All in all though, it was a nice end to the season. Thanks coach!

The final Soccer Saturday

Today was PB's last soccer game, and they did not play up to their potential (I was just going to say they sucked, but someone would have been up my craw about that in a second.) They just didn't seem to be in any kind of state to play soccer...all 15 kids on the team. It was a sad end to a very good season, but I so admire her coach. During the break before the final quarter, he was talking to the kids about the game, and he asked them if they were having fun...He made sure they understood that while winning and having fun is more fun than losing and having fun the main thing was that they were having fun. He has been her coach for 2 seasons now, and I will have her on his team any time. He doesn't yell and scream meanly at the kids, he is always up and supportive, and the kids all respond to him. He really gets what a coach is supposed to be.

Now, ask me how much I love them all when they are yelling and screaming at the local kids play area tomorrow :)

Celebrities, smelebrities.

Here are the headlines today...

Anna Nicole suffering from a collapsed lung...
Ms. Great Britain is stripped of her crown...
Doogie Howser actor admits he is gay...
Nude fued ends at Waffle House...
Evangelist admits Meth, denies sex...
and Man Stabbed by Antlers after Crash.

Really, out of 9 headlines, these are the most important world headlines today? Is this really the only news other than Iraq that they can report on right now? I know it's Friday night (an pretty late on the east coast) but still...nothing of greater importance happened today? Now don't get me wrong, the nude fued probably livened up a dull Friday night for some people, and the man getting stabbed by the antlers...that just sucks. And the evengelist...that isn't any surprise. The bigger the church, the more money, the more power, the more corrupt they are. I guess I should look on the bright side, at least there isn't any headlines involving tsunamis or earthquakes, hurricanes or other natural disasters.

Thank you to everyone that kept my MIL in their thoughts. She received her pathology results today, and they are confident that they removed all of the cancerous tumor and her lymphnodes were clean. I still cried when she told me, but this time it was happy tears. And that is why this blog is so late getting posted...we spent the evening playing dominoes (believe me, it gets addictive) with her...seemed much more important than anything else I could have done.

New Car Smell

Yes, we finally have reached that pinnacle of adulthood. We bought a house earlier this year, and now we have purchased our first new car...as in no one else has ever owned it! I am so excited, I'm like a little kid on Christmas night. We bought the 2007 midnight blue Chevy HHR...I love it! The kids love it! It isn't a minivan (no offense meant to anyone else, they just aren't my thing.) And it gets better gas mileage...all which makes it the perfect car for us. I'm off to do the happy dance a little more.

Day 1

Copyright 2006 by mamalang
If you aren't reading this at
www.mamalang.blogspot.com
it is stolen!

So how is everyone feeling after the sugar fest last night? My kidlins don't have school today, and my hubby is off due to his mom's surgery, so they got to sleep in this morning...and I even got to sleep an extra hour too!

Today is the first day...I'm off to a rip roaring start. I'm working a topic list for the month, that way I have an idea for every day. Wish me luck!

BTW, I need some help. I have the picture for the NaBloPoMo but I'm not sure how to make it a link...anyone with Blogger Beta know what I need to do?

And Apparently we need to now add

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

If you aren't reading this at

www.mamalang.blogspot.com

it is stolen!

I love fall, and Halloween. I hate Daylight Savings Time in general, but I absolutely adore that extra hour in the night (I'm a huge fan of sleep...it's one of my favorite past times.) Unfortunately, October is always one of the busiest months for our family. And that usually means very little time for the fun part of October. So that's why we were carving our pumpkins at 7:30 last night...crazy, I know, but the only spare time we have. So there I was, trying so hard to be in the moment and not worry about the time. And I managed to hold off the bed time stress until 8:25....I'm so proud!!!

My MIL goes in for her lumpectomy tomorrow. I've hesitated to write too much about this, as I feel very strongly that this is her story, not mine. But I also can't help but worry, and hope, and pray that all is okay. I was a little angry that they would schedule on Halloween...but sooner is better, so Halloween it will be.

I've decided to take the challenge for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month.) Let's see if I can manage to post at least one thing a day for the entire month!

I'm a big doh head!

Copyright 2006 by mamalang
If you aren't reading this at
www.mamalang.blogspot.com
it is stolen!

I haven't really felt like posting anything since it seemed no one was reading, and then I hit a button and found out I had a ton of comments waiting for my approval so they could be posted...I don't remember checking that box? Oh well, they are there now, and I say thank you all so much. Validation is so refreshing :)

The behavior chart has helped! If nothing else, I'm able to give a consequence and then stick to it. Sometimes that is hard for me to do...okay, you can go to the sleepover (while thinking "cause I want the 15 hours of time away from you!). I'm not going to pretend that our lives are suddenly peachy keen, because they aren't. But I see improvement, and that is a start. I've also stressed to my hubby that we have to start spending more family time without the TV on. I think that has helped as well. I've only lost my cool and screamed at them one time in the last week...I think that's a record!

BubandPie posted a great blog on Rage. It really made me think about the rage I've felt. It can be very scary, and I thank God that I have some rational part of my brain that stays functioning when that rage hits. I don't remember ever feeling hate, anger, love, or rage this strongly before I became a mother. I truly wonder if pregnancy and childbirth don't change our basic DNA in some way. But truly the flipside of this is that I feel that love so much stronger now, too. So I'll deal with the rage in order to have this love.

What seems even crazier to me is that since buying our house, I've felt this strong sense of rage less often. I'm not sure why this is...we have more bills, and our kids social lives aren't any easier...but this house brings me peace. I have places to get away for a few minutes. It's still cluttered at times, but not nearly as bad or as often as it used to be. After living on a military base for over 5 years, maybe it's just not having the feeling of living under a microscope every minute of every day. Whatever, I've learned that peace begets peace...It's much easier for me to calm my rage when it does hit now.

I think this "blogosphere" is a wonderful thing. An anonymous person commented on the rage blog "Ariel Gore, in The Mother Trip, says we need to speak the unspeakable about motherhood, so we're not so isolated." I think this was a perfect thing to say...and I think blogging helps us do just that. So thank you all for stopping by, and allowing me to talk with you about the unspeakable.

Still striving

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

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it is stolen!

I'm really trying to believe that it is simply a matter of it has to get worse to get better...that she is railing at the idea that we won't tolerate it at all anymore...I'm probably delusional, but at least I'm in a slightly better frame of mind.

In the midst of this temper tantrum hell, we are struggling with a family members health crisis. And scarily enough, that fact has made me a little more patient. I stop and think about what I would do if something were to happen to one of my babies. Then I take a deep breath, and try to calmly tell them why they need to cease doing whatever it is they are doing. So far, it's made me feel a little better if nothing else.

Yesterday I had the day off of work, and my son's daycare was closed, but the girls had school. We had a wonderful morning together. We went to breakfast at IHOP and then home to watch some cartoons and play pirates on the playset in our backyard. He had mama's undivided attention for the whole morning, and he was basking in it. I love that little man so much, and it's so much fun playing games with him!

a ray of light?

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

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it is stolen!

After several more meltdowns in previous days, my dh and I have instituted allowances for behavior. We're hoping that this will induce more positive reinforcement rather than negative and that will in turn breed more positive behaviors...with that said, we are not off to a roaring start. PB already got her first slash in the first hour of the first day. Let's hope that it goes better as time goes by.

Behaviors under the microscope

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

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it is stolen!

It's just a short ways into the new school year, and I'm already longing for break...spring, winter, summer, I don't care, just the break. I hate this wishing my life away feeling, always looking forward to the break. But sometimes it just gets to be so much, the girl scouts and the soccer and the field hockey and the special events. I'm so proud of my girls with their activities, and we do limit them...but it still seems so overwhelming. And I want to find some sort of little activity for my baby boy to do, but it all interferes with work or something or other and so I put it off just a little longer. And now we've seen the ugly head of tiredness and all that it brings with it...stomping feet, whiney voices, hurt feelings, refusal to move, etc. Princess Bear can be the most stubborn person in the whole world...and I have non family that will totally agree with me on this one. When she decides she isn't doing something, she will simply plop down, refuse to move, and wave her hands and repeat the word no like a mantra. Nothing you say breaks that concentration...no threats wear it down. In the past, we simply carried her to her bed and left her there to scream it out and wear it down...but she is now 8 and we can no longer safely carry her anywhere. And while I know that more sleep will help, this is also the child that will do whatever is necessary to not sleep outside the hours of 9:00 pm and 7:00 am...it doesn't matter that she is propping her eyes open with toothpicks, sleep is a demon that can only be allowed to roam during those hours. I'm really ready to call in a shrink and see what they have to say, because none of the strategies we've tried have worked yet...and I'm afraid of doing bodily harm to her.

I was reading another blog and the mother was discussing shutting her son outside in the back yard to play so that she didn't cause bodily harm. And I feel her pain so deeply. I understand how easy it is to cross that line into child abuse with some children. I've locked PB in her room so that I wouldn't harm her. Yes, I felt guilty doing that, but I would have felt much more guilty if I had harmed her in some way.

Luckily, I know I'm not alone. Catherine's newest post at Wondertime is about the changes that take place as children start school. It gives me strength to find the right way to deal with this...

How do I love thee...

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

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it is stolen!

I have three kids, aged almost 8, almost 13 and 3 1/2. The oldest two are girls and the youngest is a boy. I love them all in equal amounts, but it's amazing to me when people say I love my kids the same. I don't love them the same...they are different and unique individuals, each with different good and bad traits. Therefore I love them all differently.

I love the oldest, (I think her nickname will be Bug) because of her stong sense of self, and although her attitude works against her and annoys the snot out of me most of the time, I'm proud of the fact that she can be herself and be happy with that. I'm happy that she is smart, bright and funny girl turning into a young woman. She loves the sports she plays, but she gets that each thing is not the be all end all in her life. She is not a girly girl, but she is not unhappy about being a girl either.

I love the middle one (her's will be Princess Bear, or PB for short) because she is a girly girl. If it is pink, purple, has sparkles or glitter...she's all about it. She has a unique sense of style, and isn't afraid to look silly. She is the cuddle bug lover of the family, always wanting a hug or a kiss...even though she knows she is thoroughly loved. And I love that stubborn I'm right and no one is going to change my mind attitude even though it will ultimately be her down fall someday. I love the long storys she tells us about her day, even when I'm not really listening. I love that she can totally entertain herself for hours with a mirror.

The youngest (his nickname I had no problem with, it's monster)...he's all boy, but so sweet, polite and cute that you just can't stand it. Although I know I am prejudice, other non-family members have said the same thing...you know he's done something he shouldn't, and you know you need to yell at him, but instead you just end up chuckling at him. His sense of humor is huge, and he is truly in love with his family. Unfortunately, that love is sometimes expressed in painfully exuberant ways, but all is done knowing that we love him as much as he loves us. He walks me to the door of his classroom each morning, blowing me kisses, hugging my hand, telling me to have a good day, and he just so sweet I don't want to leave. He's got the most amazing imagination, and he tells me wonderful stories. I could go on, but I won't.

I love them all to the point that it hurts. People always told me you couldn't describe the bond between parent and child...the love was just too big. And while I totally believed them, it's still surprising how big it really is. They are my life, and I love them more than my life.

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

If you aren't reading this at

www.mamalang.blogspot.com

it is stolen!

A favorite author of mine (Catherine Newman, she has a blog here too and wonderful articles on Wondertime.com...go read her) wrote a long time ago (or so it seems) that she was more of the glass half full but precariously placed and about to spill type person. That spoke volumes to me. I realized that not only did it describe me to a T, but that my youngest daughter was turning into that type of person as well. And while there is nothing wrong with per se, I wanted her to be more open to life, not afraid to try new things because she was bogged down with the what if's. So I've tried, since then, to keep those disaster looming thoughts to myself, and to gleefully encourage all three to try new things (within reason of course).

Welcome

Not sure who, if anyone, will read this, but figured I needed to be out there. I'm a proud mama of 3, and I try really hard to remember how much they enrich and bless my life every day...even when they try me at the same time.