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The weekly roundup

I may start trying to do this.  I find a lot of well written thoughts on the various blogs, and usually want to just add a little blurb, so I'll share here.

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry wrote the most beautiful words about grace and gratitude the other day:

I begin to question myself. Is it something I did? Have I become less of a person? Is my heart not as grateful as it used to be? I hope not but it’s possible. So, I’m watching myself, I’m trying to be careful. I want to live with grace and gratitude, I don’t want to be bitter and wear ugliness on my sleeve and I try to be aware of this at all times but maybe I’ve let it slip past me.

Seriously, go read the whole post.  Then read the rest of her site. She is such a sweet woman, and I love getting a little taste of my (sort of) home state that I miss so much.

Mir at Woulda Coulda Shoulda always makes me laugh and cry, usually in one post.  She also writes at Off Our Chests, and I loved this post.  I struggle with my body image, and I've been trying so hard to change my habits.  Having girl children has helped, as I never want them to feel about their bodies like I have about mine, so I bite my tongue so much about my body when they are around.

Random thoughts

I suck right now.  I can't keep anything together.  Part of me realizes I'm like this every spring, but it does seem to get worse every year.  Work is a crazy mess, our schedule is a crazy mess, I'm not doing any of the things I want to do (because I like to sleep...the 6 or so hours I'm eeking out these days isn't enough, so I definitely can't decrease that number any.)

I started blogging to share, and to record.  And I'm sucking hugely at that.  So, I'm going to start throwing some little random thoughts up.  I'm trying to slowly clean up some of the parts of these here space as well.

Last night Monster had his third baseball game.  Can I just tell you that 7-8 year old boys are the sweetest age for baseball.  (Girls are probably cute at that age with baseball as well, but we don't have any on our team.)  They are really starting to understand the fundamentals of the game, but they are still so excited when something works right, and aren't afraid to show their enthusiasm.  Of course it helps that we have an awesome team with a great coach.  Really, I've been very impressed with our coach this year. He has worked hard on teaching the fundamentals to these kids, making sure that they do things the correct way without sounding like he is harping.  And you see that when you watch them play another team.  Our boys know what they are supposed to be doing.  They aren't perfect, and they still miss a lot, but the basic principles are there. And of course, they are just so sweet looking in their uniforms.

PB (I need new nicknames...hmm, have to work on that) is doing so great.  She was selected to participate in Mandarin Chinese classes through the school next year.  She is so excited, and so am I.  She's going to end up being so smart it's expensive :)

Bug is graduating in a little over a month.  She was accepted into several schools, but will probably be going to the in state school and living at home.  She has a sweet set up and knows it...lol.  Seriously, besides saving us some cash, it gives us a chance to help her mature some more.  She has the academics down, but some of those life skills need a little work.

Wow, that sounds like a Christmas letter...lol.

Spring days...at last?

Today was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, I went for a walk, I had windows open, it was gorgeous.  Unfortunately, we only have these every 7 or 8 days for the last several weeks.  I need real spring to get here now!

The trees are blooming though.  We've spent time at the park, and working in the yard, and gone for some walks.  Now to get the back porch cleaned off so we can hang out there, eating dinner or enjoying a fire.

What's your favorite part of spring?

dealing with death

Growing up, I was doted on by all four of my grandparents.  On my dad's side of the family, I was the baby, born of the baby.  I spent a month every summer with my grandparents, visited them several times a year, and was the apple of their eye.  I practically lived with my mom's parents until I was 9, when my grandfather died.  My grandmother was a homemaker, and watched me while my mom worked.  Since my mom was a single mom and my dad wasn't very good about sending the meager child support he was supposed to pay, sometimes that would be my mom working 2 or 3 jobs at a time.  The majority of the time that I wasn't in school, I was at my grandparent's house.  And on weekends we were together, camping, going to boat or camper shows, etc.  I adored my grandfather, and I loved my grandmother.

Once my grandfather died, we moved back to my parent's home state, and over the next several year my dad's parents passed.  I was sad, I loved them so much, but I was young and resilient.

In early January, my grandmother went into the hospital with a collapsed lung.  After three weeks, a minor heart attack, a bit of time on the ventilator, and a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis, she was released to my mother's house with hospice on a Saturday.  On Wednesday evening she passed away.

Her passing was bittersweet.  She was 86 years old, and had lived a full life.  She wasn't in much pain, and she wasn't suffering for a long time....but it's always sad when people pass.

It's amazing the work that goes into burying the dead.  Three weeks and lots of work later, it seems to mostly be resolved, but wow has it been a lot.  

In a few months, my mother and I will be sitting down to discuss her wishes.  My grandmother refused to do this, and I really feel that it made it harder for my mom.

RIP Grandma.  I do love you.

Life is hectic

I've been enjoying a much needed visit with my Best Friend in the whole world.  Work is going crazy, my husbands job is driving him nuts, the weather sucks majorly, but life sure does look better after a few days with here here :)

Now if I could figure out a way to get her closer more often...

It's Christmas Eve...and

I've had several post ideas that just didn't flesh out.  I've got 7 days shots backed up.  I have projects to finish and wrapping to complete and there is still church this evening.

But first, I have to tell you how I've cried so many tears this year.  So many bad things exist in the world.  My teenager and I had a discussion about this recently...she feels that there is way more wrong with the world than there is good, and that made me so sad.

I wish she knew people like Jenny, and Heather.  And all the people that responded to their requests...all the people who really cared, and believed that one small act can make a big difference.

I'm so happy to hear about things like this.  I'm happy when I hear about people helping people.  Maybe we can't fix the big things that are wrong, but we can make the world better for at least a few.

Merry Christmas everyone.  Please cherish all that you have in your life!

Brenda is one of the first people I met through the internet.  I've read her blog for years, and I was so pleased to find her as wonderful in person as she seems on her blog.  The last month has seen some big changes for her and her bug.  To make Christmas a little sweeter, and working to earn money so much easier, Heather is running a sweet program.  If you could squeeze a few extra dollars from your budget, check out the great project to make Brenda feel the love!

A Doctor's Visit- growing up version

So I took the kids to the doctor's earlier this week for their annual well-visits, with a side of shots.  I really can't remember if I posted about this before, but taking my kids for shots is akin to wrestling an octopus while someone tries to tranquilize it.  To say that they hate getting shots would be an understatement. 

Several years ago, PB had to get shots unexpectedly.  While we waited for the nurse to come back in, she chanted "I'll do it tomorrow" over and over working herself into a frenzy.  By the time the nurse came in (10 minutes later), we had to have another nurse come help hold her down so that the first nurse could give her a the shot.  She screamed and cried and thrashed about.  It was hell, and I was crying by the end of it.  The Monster's next visit wasn't as bad, but was still hard.

So the next year, I didn't tell them they were getting shots.  They didn't ask, and I didn't tell (I am a military wife you know ).  When the nurse brought the shots in, my sons look could have killed me.  It was still hard, but at least it was only hard for a minute or so.

This year, I was upfront. I told them earlier in the week that they had doctor's appts, and that they would be getting shots.  My mom offered to go with us, and I thought that would be great.  Normally, I'm busy trying to help the child currently getting shots and I feel like I'm not "there" for the other one.  But of course, this time, both of them took them like champs.  Figures.  The nurses have gotten smart, and they give the kids those frozen Popsicle tubes.  They have them hold them where they are going to give the shot for a few minutes, and once the shots are done they can eat them.  That helped A LOT!

I had quite a few chuckles in that room though.  My son has a toe that makes a popping noise.  It is one of his greatest pleasures in life to sit with his sisters, put his foot on them and make his toe pop.  This elicits great shrieks of "ew gross, get it off me!" from the girls, which of course sends him into great gales of laughter. Being the mama, I was concerned and asked the doctor about it.  She confirmed that it seemed okay, that we all have joints that popped.  She then told him he shouldn't torment his sisters like that, as it was bad for his toe.  He said darn, and she told him he would have to find another way to torment her.  Much giggling ensued.

After it was all over, I had to praise them.  I often tell my kids that sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and they may even hurt, but if it's necessary to stay healthy, we just have to suck it up and deal.  And that is what they did with the shots, and I am so proud of them.

And so happy I don't need the flask to get through an appointment any longer.

Happy Holidays

I hope you've begun to enjoy the Holiday Season!

Friday morning outlook

Yay, it's Friday!  Only 4 more working days until my mini-vacation.  Not going anywhere, just not going to work.  Yay!

Friday's are so nice.  Work is always quiet since a lot of people take Friday's off.  Of course, productivity could go either way on Friday.  Sometimes we all just want to stand around chat...it's Friday!  Sometimes it's nose to the grindstone...I don't want to have to deal with this next week.  I'm hoping today is a good blend of both.

Trying to get on track

The last few months have taken a toll on me.  My house is a mess (it's clean thanks to bi-weekly cleaning lady visits.)  My schedule is a mess.  My eating and exercising ae sad.

So, tonight I went to my first Zumba class.  It's some me time and I really enjoyed it.  I was working up a sweat in about 10 minutes.  Next week I tackle the eating habits.

And maybe this weekend I can get some cleaning done in the house.

Not a Wordless Wednesday

I wanted to do a Wordless Wednesday today, but my camera and I haven't been friends much lately.  I hope that changes soon.

Life has been way to hectic lately.  I've found myself wishing I had the time to stop and capture the beauty of fall.  This weekend I will carve out time to do just that.

Civic Duties

1. I voted today. I am very blessed to be able to do so, and I totally get that.
2. Luckily, I did not have the feeling of panic that I endured while voting two years ago.  Not because I felt so strongly about any of the candidates, but because the positions we were voting for didn't seem so important.  I understand that government at all levels is important.  The decisions that the elected officials make have a major impact on all parts of my life...from the trash pick up for my house to the paycheck I receive.  But when we vote for the Governor and President, it truly makes me sick to my stomach.  I didn't want to vote for either of the candidates in either of those races. 
3. I still didn't really care for the majority of the people listed on that ballot.  Most of the ones I wanted to (and some I did) vote for weren't going to win.  They were the Independent people...they just aren't going to win here.
4.  I voted for those people anyway.  I crossed my fingers, sent my wishes up high, and figured at the least, I wasn't voting for either of the people I really disliked.
5. I'm tired of the campaigning.  It isn't really about what anyone believes or is going to do for us, it's about what dirt they can dig up on their opponents.  Seriously, I'm from the state that has now been a joke on Saturday Night Live because there were reports that one of the candidates was a witch.  Really?  That's what is most important in the election?  How about we talk about the economy? Unemployment? Health care? Military spending...I could go on and on about the topics that should be covered. 
6.  I thought news outlets were supposed to be fair and impartial.  Hah.
7.  Campaign reform needs to happen.  Not just about fundraising and spending, but about how people campaign.
8.  I really don't care that you dabbled in witchcraft, that you are a Mormon or Christian or Agnostic, that you were divorced, that you like to have a glass of wine every night.  Those things (for the most part) don't matter.  None of us is perfect, and we have all done things in our life that we are not proud of.  If we learned from those things, grew and changed our ways, then we've lived a good life.  Move on and tell me what you are going to do in the future.  And then do it.
9.  Watching the results pour in, I'm sick to my stomach.  People talk about wanting change, that the system we have isn't working, but when push comes to shove, they vote the same way they always have, at least in the state I live in.
10.  I will wake up tomorrow, and nothing will have changed.  I will wake up in January and nothing will have changed.  While I truly believe that Democracy is a great thing, I am saddened by the direction our country is heading now.

On love and life and all the stuff in between

I married my husband thirteen years ago.  We met almost fourteen years ago.  We knew each other less than three months when he asked me to marry him and I agreed.  Eight months later we were married.  We almost gave up several times in those first five years.  There was love and happiness, but there was a lot of stress as well.  We were so poor, and struggling just to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and heat in the house.  We'd be so happy if we could make it to store without kids.  Jobs were lost, money was tight, life happened.  Somehow, we stuck it out.  And life got easier.  Marriage was easier. 

Then we prepared for a year apart, spent that year apart, and the last year getting readjusted.  Again it hasn't been easy.  I am not the best at long distance relationships of any kind.  I have a hard time with the work that goes into staying connected and involved.  Perhaps that's why I am only close to one person from my college days, and only stay in touch with others from high school and college by Facebook.  I want to do better, but the time and energy are used up elsewhere.  But with my husband, I worked.  I worked hard that year.

And it's still not easy.  The relationship changed.  We've had our struggles this year.  After being the sole person in charge of the household for a year, it's hard to reintegrate another adult.  After a year of only being responsible for himself and some basic chores besides work, it's hard to reintegrate into life with kids, household responsibilities, and less freedom.  And I'll admit, for a while there, we sucked.  It wasn't working.  And it was hard.

But through it all, I tried to remember one fact.  I love this man.  Even during the hardest times, when I want to scream and yell and cry and fight, I love him. I committed to being his wife, through all of the times, not just the good or easy ones.  And what sort of role model would I be for my children if I just quit whenever the going got rough.

It's still not easy.  He's going to school full time at night while also working full time. He misses things, he can't help out as much around the house and with the kids.  I get frustrated...I need a break, and I don't see him offering one, and I get mad.  He gets frustrated for the same reasons.  But I take a deep breath, and remind myself that this too shall pass.

Let me clarify here, I am not saying that you should never consider divorce, that YOU should stick it out no matter what.  There are many situations in which you should leave.  Each person deserves to be happy, to live their best life.  And if divorce is the only way to do so, then so be it.  I will do my best to not judge you, especially if I know how hard you've worked, how much you struggled.  But I will be sad for you, and I will wish that things could be different. 

As for me, I've told my husband this before, and I post it here for all the world to see.  I am committed to our marriage.  I am committed to making it be all that it can be, to working through the hard times, enjoying the fun times, and to still be doing so when we are old.

Wow, do I have stories to tell

I had a small procedure, ended up with pneumonia, got an (old) iPhone, had the screen crack, our hot water heater broke, and my laptop is possessed.  I also went on a really cool tour of a bridge being built.  Hopefully, I'll feel up to blogging shortly...I have lots to share!

We all like to Do Fun Stuff!

I've been reading Ryan over at Pacing the Panic Room for close to two years now.  I love the way he writes, and his photography is amazing.  I got hooked when he did a maternity series with his wife, Cole.  It's amazing to see how much he wants to change the world, and how motivated he is.

His step-son, LB, has SMS.  This is a disease that won't go away, and that will cause him issues through out the rest of his life.  Unfortunately, it's a very rare disease, and therefore there isn't a lot of information out there. This past week was his 6th birthday, and in honor of that occasion, Ryan worked over the last year to put together an Album to raise funds for SMS research.  The proceeds from Do Fun Stuff go into a fund which will provide grants to grad students who choose to make this disease their area of study.  And the music is great for Kids and Adults, so we can enjoy it with our children!

Today, this album launches on Itunes.  And all over the blogosphere, people are writing about it.  But the best write up at all can be found at PTPR, written by Ryan himself.  You can also click the really cut widget below to go to the Do Fun Stuff website.

Please, if you have kids, or just love pop music, here's a way to help and have some enjoyment at the same time.  And you never know, you might find a new favorite band!

The end of the freedom days.

I can't believe August is over half over...summer is coming to an end.  The kids start school later this week.  I wonder where the summer went?  Didn't it just start last week? 

I try to remind myself that going back to school doesn't signal the real end of summer...the weather will stay hot, and then warm, through all of September, and even into October.  We'll have days in November that you can be outside in a long sleeve shirt and still be comfortable.  But for some reason, summer signifies freedom.  And with school starting back, that freedom is limited to the weekend.  I'm just not ready for that.  Neither is my boy...he's wishing for more swimming, more sand castle building and wave riding, more sleeping late and watching tv and hanging out in pj's a bunch.  This week will be bittersweet for sure.

I've not written much the last few weeks, heck the last few months.  I've been going through one of those seasons of life...the ones that feel a bit melancholy, and that sap your will to do much.  I'm feeling like I'm starting to wake up from it, but I also feel like I missed summer...a month or two gone to this melancholy.

Perhaps I can cram a few more summer experiences in before the weather reminds me that fall is here.

completed

So the trailer is gone, the yard is mowed and trimmed, I actually planted a few (clearance) bedding plants, the back deck is usable.  Yay for us!  It looks like we actually care about the house we own again!

Good thing I'm not inviting you inside.  Goodness, I need some motivation and time off at the same time. Problem is that doesn't seem to be happening much lately.

Now, we're off to get Bug from the airport, with a stop at Ikea.  Whoo hoo, I love going to Ikea.

Cleaning it up

Hubby and I have several big-ish projects we've been working on around the house this summer. Unfortunately, with all the extra things and beach time, these projects haven't made it to the finished stage just yet. We've been remodeling our back deck, and cleaning out the garage and sprucing it up with paint and epoxy.

So, for the last couple of months, we've had an awning in our back yard housing the saw (see here) and a large trailer in our front yard.

We went through a period with high heat and no rain, so we weren't mowing. Then it rained, and we couldn't mow. As we're finishing up moving everything out of the garage into the trailer so we can expoxy the floor, I realize that the yard is out of control. And suddenly, I start laughing.

It looked like we were going into foreclosure.

I'm not going to lie, times are tight in our household. But the mortgage is the one thing that always gets paid and paid on time...we have it come right out of my hubby's paycheck. We aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

So last week I mowed. But the weedeater was in the storage trailer...way at the front. So it still looked scraggly.

This weekend I mowed and began pulling weeds. Last night, hubby trimmed with the weedeater and I finished pulling weeds.

By the end of this week, the trailer will be gone. And hopefully in the next few weeks, the back porch will be done. Just in time to enjoy the cooler weather that will be coming with back to school.

And I still want to put a sign in the yard...no, we aren't leaving!