And Apparently we need to now add

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

If you aren't reading this at

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it is stolen!

I love fall, and Halloween. I hate Daylight Savings Time in general, but I absolutely adore that extra hour in the night (I'm a huge fan of sleep...it's one of my favorite past times.) Unfortunately, October is always one of the busiest months for our family. And that usually means very little time for the fun part of October. So that's why we were carving our pumpkins at 7:30 last night...crazy, I know, but the only spare time we have. So there I was, trying so hard to be in the moment and not worry about the time. And I managed to hold off the bed time stress until 8:25....I'm so proud!!!

My MIL goes in for her lumpectomy tomorrow. I've hesitated to write too much about this, as I feel very strongly that this is her story, not mine. But I also can't help but worry, and hope, and pray that all is okay. I was a little angry that they would schedule on Halloween...but sooner is better, so Halloween it will be.

I've decided to take the challenge for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month.) Let's see if I can manage to post at least one thing a day for the entire month!

I'm a big doh head!

Copyright 2006 by mamalang
If you aren't reading this at
www.mamalang.blogspot.com
it is stolen!

I haven't really felt like posting anything since it seemed no one was reading, and then I hit a button and found out I had a ton of comments waiting for my approval so they could be posted...I don't remember checking that box? Oh well, they are there now, and I say thank you all so much. Validation is so refreshing :)

The behavior chart has helped! If nothing else, I'm able to give a consequence and then stick to it. Sometimes that is hard for me to do...okay, you can go to the sleepover (while thinking "cause I want the 15 hours of time away from you!). I'm not going to pretend that our lives are suddenly peachy keen, because they aren't. But I see improvement, and that is a start. I've also stressed to my hubby that we have to start spending more family time without the TV on. I think that has helped as well. I've only lost my cool and screamed at them one time in the last week...I think that's a record!

BubandPie posted a great blog on Rage. It really made me think about the rage I've felt. It can be very scary, and I thank God that I have some rational part of my brain that stays functioning when that rage hits. I don't remember ever feeling hate, anger, love, or rage this strongly before I became a mother. I truly wonder if pregnancy and childbirth don't change our basic DNA in some way. But truly the flipside of this is that I feel that love so much stronger now, too. So I'll deal with the rage in order to have this love.

What seems even crazier to me is that since buying our house, I've felt this strong sense of rage less often. I'm not sure why this is...we have more bills, and our kids social lives aren't any easier...but this house brings me peace. I have places to get away for a few minutes. It's still cluttered at times, but not nearly as bad or as often as it used to be. After living on a military base for over 5 years, maybe it's just not having the feeling of living under a microscope every minute of every day. Whatever, I've learned that peace begets peace...It's much easier for me to calm my rage when it does hit now.

I think this "blogosphere" is a wonderful thing. An anonymous person commented on the rage blog "Ariel Gore, in The Mother Trip, says we need to speak the unspeakable about motherhood, so we're not so isolated." I think this was a perfect thing to say...and I think blogging helps us do just that. So thank you all for stopping by, and allowing me to talk with you about the unspeakable.

Still striving

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

If you aren't reading this at

www.mamalang.blogspot.com

it is stolen!

I'm really trying to believe that it is simply a matter of it has to get worse to get better...that she is railing at the idea that we won't tolerate it at all anymore...I'm probably delusional, but at least I'm in a slightly better frame of mind.

In the midst of this temper tantrum hell, we are struggling with a family members health crisis. And scarily enough, that fact has made me a little more patient. I stop and think about what I would do if something were to happen to one of my babies. Then I take a deep breath, and try to calmly tell them why they need to cease doing whatever it is they are doing. So far, it's made me feel a little better if nothing else.

Yesterday I had the day off of work, and my son's daycare was closed, but the girls had school. We had a wonderful morning together. We went to breakfast at IHOP and then home to watch some cartoons and play pirates on the playset in our backyard. He had mama's undivided attention for the whole morning, and he was basking in it. I love that little man so much, and it's so much fun playing games with him!

a ray of light?

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

If you aren't reading this at

www.mamalang.blogspot.com

it is stolen!

After several more meltdowns in previous days, my dh and I have instituted allowances for behavior. We're hoping that this will induce more positive reinforcement rather than negative and that will in turn breed more positive behaviors...with that said, we are not off to a roaring start. PB already got her first slash in the first hour of the first day. Let's hope that it goes better as time goes by.

Behaviors under the microscope

Copyright 2006 by mamalang

If you aren't reading this at

www.mamalang.blogspot.com

it is stolen!

It's just a short ways into the new school year, and I'm already longing for break...spring, winter, summer, I don't care, just the break. I hate this wishing my life away feeling, always looking forward to the break. But sometimes it just gets to be so much, the girl scouts and the soccer and the field hockey and the special events. I'm so proud of my girls with their activities, and we do limit them...but it still seems so overwhelming. And I want to find some sort of little activity for my baby boy to do, but it all interferes with work or something or other and so I put it off just a little longer. And now we've seen the ugly head of tiredness and all that it brings with it...stomping feet, whiney voices, hurt feelings, refusal to move, etc. Princess Bear can be the most stubborn person in the whole world...and I have non family that will totally agree with me on this one. When she decides she isn't doing something, she will simply plop down, refuse to move, and wave her hands and repeat the word no like a mantra. Nothing you say breaks that concentration...no threats wear it down. In the past, we simply carried her to her bed and left her there to scream it out and wear it down...but she is now 8 and we can no longer safely carry her anywhere. And while I know that more sleep will help, this is also the child that will do whatever is necessary to not sleep outside the hours of 9:00 pm and 7:00 am...it doesn't matter that she is propping her eyes open with toothpicks, sleep is a demon that can only be allowed to roam during those hours. I'm really ready to call in a shrink and see what they have to say, because none of the strategies we've tried have worked yet...and I'm afraid of doing bodily harm to her.

I was reading another blog and the mother was discussing shutting her son outside in the back yard to play so that she didn't cause bodily harm. And I feel her pain so deeply. I understand how easy it is to cross that line into child abuse with some children. I've locked PB in her room so that I wouldn't harm her. Yes, I felt guilty doing that, but I would have felt much more guilty if I had harmed her in some way.

Luckily, I know I'm not alone. Catherine's newest post at Wondertime is about the changes that take place as children start school. It gives me strength to find the right way to deal with this...