updated

Blogger has these new blog templates that allow you to really customize your blog.  I love it!  I've been feeling antsy to get out there and start planting, so this one spoke to me!  What do you think?

Spring is here

Our tree has lost it's bloom, which tells me summer isn't far away.  Concerts and performances and award banquets are appearing on the schedule. We're moving forward.

Gardening, flowers, trips to the beach, walks around the neighborhood and time in the hammock...I'm ready for all of that and more.

My flower beds look neglected, our porch needs cleaned, painted and the screen fixed (thank you Boris.)  This weekend, I plan on tackling a lot of these items.

The finish line is there...

Turns out I knew what I was talking about when I wrote this post on the first day of school.  This year has been a whirlwind...and I'm still hanging on for dear life.  Bug has her license, although it is still in the graduated stage of having another adult driver in the car with her.  I'm nervous about her driving by herself this summer, but I'm also ready for the break it will give me.  Issy has aced her classes so far...and she's bored in some of them.  Moving her up just isn't an option, so it's off to talk to the principal soon.  Have to find some way to challenge her.  Monster has found the key, and has realized that he can read.  It's funny how excited I am about this.  He is literally reading on his own in the car, reading signs, words on tv.  His teacher asked for a conference last week just to tell us "wow! Whatever you are doing, keep it up!"  I can't stress how big a break through this was for us...and what a load off my stress level it has been.  We went from knowing less than 30 words to reading 92 words in a minute in 8 months. 

Now we're in the "busy season" of the school year.  Concerts, award ceremonies, etc will fill the schedule when there is blank time left from soccer, martial arts, and all those fun events.  But then it will be over, and I will suddenly have a senior!!!!!

On Blogging and Emotions

I started this blog 3 1/2 years ago. I was reading a few other blogs and found inspiration. Some of these bloggers were funny and witty, some moved me to tears, and some did both within one post. I found validation in reading about other people's struggles and joys. Other people locked their children in the back yard, struggled with tantrums, bodily fluids on the floor...I felt a sense of camaraderie.

I've never had a lot of readers or comments. After a few months, I had "the itch." I saw other people with 30, 70, hundreds of comments daily. I wanted that. Bloggers started getting sponsors, swag, give-aways, ad networks, and suddenly, I found myself antsy and unhappy with my blog. I wanted it to grow. I wanted comments, sponsors, etc. I vowed to blog every day for a year (and almost did.) I read blogs, commenting every where, signed up for an ad network...you name it, I was trying it. I was dissatisfied with my blog and contemplating quitting.

Then…burn out. My blog posting was sporadic, and when I did post, it seemed like I was doing was apologizing. I felt guilty for not posting, but didn’t feel like writing. And that cycle just kept growing.

During the last Holiday season, I had my own Epiphany. I didn’t want to be one of those bloggers…the ones that weigh everything they post with the click potential, that worry what their followers will think if that post that, the ones that aren’t any more than a character in a fictional story. That wasn’t why I started blogging, but I had lost sight of that.

So I set about releasing the guilt. I decided to spend more time living life, enjoying my children, modeling the behaviors I expect from them and less time worried about the computer. I stopped worrying about the reviews, give aways and such that I always felt I was missing out on. And I felt better.

But then…then, I felt the niggling again.

I’ve envied the people who were able to travel to Blogher, Mom 2.0, Blissdom, etc. for the last three years. Watching all the posts, tweets and status updates about swag and parties, all the fun they were having made me jealous. I wanted to be one of the cool kids that I saw in pictures. I wanted to go to the conferences, go to the parties, be inspired. I started trying to find the time and justify the costs. I would go to Blogher this year, period.

When Blogher put out their call for volunteers, I applied immediately. I waited, day dreaming about my experience, who I would meet…etc. Imagine my disappointment when I found out I hadn’t been chosen. And there was a little anger in there. Why wasn’t I good enough? I’d been in the ad network for quite some time. I had worked so hard…

The next day, a good friend told us they were getting married. In the Florida Keys, the same weekend as Blogher. And we were one of a few friends they were inviting.

Perspective. I’m sure I will still feel a twinge as I read about the great parties and swag, the connections and friendships. But I’ll be serving up my own connections and friendships, as well as enjoying a nice tropical breeze, instead of a hot subway.

And this blog? One day it might be the work of art I picture, but for now, it’s mine. And it’s just what I need.

I've been...

driving, working, cleaning, playing with the dog, playing with my kids, crocheting, chatting with my hubby on line, going to a choir festival and a band festival, sick, walking the dog, raising a teenager, driving, going to martial arts, crocheting, cooking, cleaning, arguing with kids, meeting the internet, taking self-portraits, and...

just living life.