Thursday, July 12, 2007

Growing up

My kids are growing up. I know, this is what kids do, they grow up, a little each day. They get older and bigger and wiser and eventually they become adults. It's what we work for, what we are preparing them for, every day. Time is ticking...every second, every minute, they move closer to adulthood, and just a little bit further away from us.

When Bug was a little girl, I often wondered what she was going to be like as a teenager. She was already a smart mouthed little thing, and quick as can be. We often joked about locking her in room as a teenager, for her own good. I thought about first crushes, boyfriends, sports, school...all of it. And now she is a teenager, about to start High School. I look back at the pictures of that little girl, think of the funny (and not so funny) stories from her childhood, and it's so neat to link those stories to who she is now. It's interesting to find that the smart mouth is still there, but she is learning to occasionally control it. All in all, she is a teenager I'm proud to call my daughter. But getting to this point, it wasn't easy. So many milestones she's already passed, each one harder than the last for us to grasp, to believe, to handle. You look at this child, you know she's growing up, you see the little changes each day. And then one day, it hits you...she isn't a baby anymore, she isn't a toddler, she's so big! Middle School, school dances, boys. And now, High school. 6 months of them (the teachers and administrators) forcing this fact down our throats, and I think I'm prepared. I see her for the young lady she is, already showing some of the maturity that I've craved and dreaded at the same time. But still, it doesn't seem that long ago when she was a little 3rd grade tomboy, and I miss those days.

Princess Bear, oh my, she will be a 4th grader this year. It seems like just yesterday that she was starting kindergarten. 4th grade seems so big. I've watched her with the older kids at Bible School this week, and it takes my breath away how much she's changed. She truly is a big girl now. She has taken risks and become more fearless than I ever thought she could be. The whining and temper tantrums have decreased, and she is just so darn cute. She looks like the typical little girl in a book, and I just want to stare at her for hours. I mourn the loss of my little girl, I mourn that sweet baby girl with tiny little piggy tails and silly little games, but I love this big girl, this detail junky, foodie girl. (She's become obsessed with Food network. Seriously, she knows stuff about all the personalities and tells me little tips from their shows constantly. It's really pretty cute.)

The Monster is getting so big too, but he's still my little boy. My heart breaks each time I look at him, because I see him becoming a big boy, growing up and changing. I will miss the boy he is now, just as I miss the baby he was then. His sweet voice, funny little stories, menagerie of pretend animals...these are the things I try to cherish and hold close to my heart. The things I tell myself to remember.

And I remember telling myself to remember before, to hold tight to certain moments so that I can cherish them later on. And sometimes, I try to remember those moments, and I can't. And that makes me miss them even more.


Jenn said...

"And sometimes, I try to remember those moments, and I can't. And that makes me miss them even more"

So, so true.

I think that this may be my favorite post of yours to date; so beautiful and real.

Lovely, Mama. Just lovely.

Belle-ah said...

This is my 1st visit to your blog and this kind of drama for the Mama is what I am wrestling with this week...I see one season of my life closing as a parent and another beginning. (((hugs)))

min said...

WAs catching up on some reading when I stumbled on this post.
You describe the feelings so well! I'm already on the landing above you in my kids' lives, which just makes it harder to look back and remember. I wish I'd been blogging then, but in a way I'm glad I wasn't...I might have missed out on something while I was sitting at the computer.
Like Jenn, I wish I could remember it all.