Grace in small thing, version 2, #4

I'm going to start posting my grace in small things post separately from any other post.

Today my grace is my family, and the safety and security I've been able to givve them.

not a good start

Two weeks in, and my laptop is in the shop again.  I'm slowly dying without all my favorites.  I know there are places I want to check in, but can't remember them all.  My pictures, my photoshop, my itunes.  I'm dying. 

I have been using the time to work on my long time goal of learning how to redo my blog myself.  I really need a better looking blog design. I want to update my blogroll and make some changes, but I'm too poor (and cheap) to pay someone to fix up my hobby.  The sparse amount of money I get from this blog isn't enough to justify it at this time.

I was so cranky yesterday.  I have a post brewing about loss, and I kept trying to remember how blessed I am.  But it was really difficult.  Today was better, but I still felt the crankiness trying to sneak back.

We purchased a Wii Fit Plus this weekend.  I love it.  I love that I can get some exercise while having fun.  And the games aer pure silliness. 

And there is more.  But that's it for today.

Oh, blessing for today.

The ability and funds to have a nice haircut and order a pair of boots I've wanted for a while (on sale).  So many can't afford to have niceties, and I'm blessed that I can.

And the birthday/holiday frenzy ends for a few more months...

Today was my MIL's birthday.  My SIL was taking her out to dinner, and we joined them, then drug her over to the big box home improvement store, not telling her where she was going or why.  While there, we bought her a new dishwasher.  It was probably better than a diamond ring.  Hubby took it to her house and hooked up while I came home and got the kids ready for bed.  He said she jumped up and down and squealed like PB when it was all done.  That is the best money we've spent in a while.  It was nice being able to do something for a member of the family that has always done for us. 

Happy Birthday, Nana.

Grace in Small Things #2 - The joy a heartfelt gift can bring, and the joy you get from watching that other person's happiness.

I'm not resolved...but I'm counting my blessings.

So it's a few days into the New Year, and all over the internet people are posting their resolutions. This year, I'm not. I'm not posting, because I'm not resolving. I'm simply going to keep living life, loving my babies and my husband, and trying to live the healthiest and simplest life possible. This isn't anything new for me, so it isn't a resolution. It's the journey I chose several years ago, and sometimes I'm awesome at it, and sometimes I'm not. That's life, and I've learned to go with the tides.

The year of travel will continue. In the next three weeks, we will be in both NYC and Baltimore. We already have a spring trip to DC scheduled. DDS has to travel for work three or four times in the next 6 months, and we (or just I) may be meeting him some to explore new areas. I'm excited that our children are finally at ages to appreciate and enjoy exploring with us.

Projects will be completed, new projects started, days spent at home, days spent away. Every day I will awake and try to be the best person I can. Some days I will fail, and that's okay. My overall goal is to have more days that I succeed.

Happy 2010. I hope that we all enjoy each day we are given, and each blessing that falls in every day.

I'm going to modify my grace in small thing posting, and simply look for one thing...one blessing. And today, January 2nd, will be my first posting. I'm going to shoot for posting at least 4 a week, and if I manage more, great! My ultimate goal will be to have over 200 by the end of the year.

Today my grace is the ability to enjoy my family, and my friends. Bowling with my husband and youngest two kidlins was pleasant and fun. Then a night out with my friends that included good food and great conversation. That is a bountiful blessing!

Remembrance

I strive to live in the moment, enjoying my family and my life for what it is today.  This wars with my planning nature, which wants to extrapolate out all the possible scenarios for upcoming events, figuring out how I'll handle each one.  It's hard to be in the moment when your mind is filled with what-if's.

Lately, I've been rushed and tired.  I'm feeling torn in several directions...busy at work, and busy at home.  When I'm home, I'm feeling guilty for what I didn't get done at work, and when I'm at work I just want to be home.  I know that a large part of this is wanting time with my husband now that he's home, but knowing why you are feeling a certain way doesn't make it go away, or even make it better.

But last week, a co-worker of my husbands passed away at 36 years old.  He leaves behind a wife and two small children, and a unit full of soldiers struggling to make sense of this event. He contracted spinal meningitis and died...by the time they knew what was wrong with him, it was too late.

Thinking about his wife and kids haunt me.  Knowing that he spent a year in a war zone, and came home in some of the best health of his life, then 3 weeks later dying...how do you reconcile that?  How do they go about their lives, living day to day, after the highs and horrible lows they've experienced in the last month? 

Right before my husband was deployed, a person I considered a friend lost her husband to the war in Afghanistan.  We had sort of lost touch, and I wasn't sure how to reach out to her.  And I was scared, and facing her lost meant dealing with the fear of losing my own spouse as he was leaving.  I still regret not following up with at least an email.  She recently friended me on facebook, and I'll be sending my feelings out to her. 

I found myself frustrated with my son this morning, and so ready to drop him off at the Youth Center.  And suddenly, this soldier's face flashed into my head.  I am so very blessed, and lately, I've let myself forget that.  I made sure to hug my baby extra tight when dropping him off, saying a prayer that I'll get to do this millions of times in the future. 

God blesses every day, it's up to us to notice.

GIS # I don't know, but it's time to get back on track
1.  My husband came home from the war.
2.  He's relatively healthy.
3.  He never saw heavy combat.
4. My family is intact again.
5. My children's laughter and hugs.

Season of change

Back to school season always stirs up the winds of change, and this year it seems to be even stronger.  One child moves from half day K to all day 1st grade, another begins Middle School, and the third driver's ed.  Milestones beginning for each of my babies.

This past year has definitely been a year of change as well.  Of course my kids have grown up some, that is inevitable.  But I think that they have also grown stronger.  We were all forced to really look at ourselves, to see our lives through a different filter.  We had to re-evaluate our roles and our relationships.  We could break free of the patterns of the past and move forward without those shackles pulling us back. 

I see so many changes in my girls.  Bug has matured, has realized what so many people have been trying to tell her for so long.  She is a beautiful girl, with so much potential.  There is no need to be defensive, loud, brash, mean.  There is no reason for anger, at yourself or others, any longer. It is time to close that chapter and walk into the bright sunlight.  It is time to live a positive life, embracing the future and allowing the past to remain just that.  I see a child that has turned into a beautiful and smart young lady, with a great future ahead of her.

At one time or another, my husband and I have discussed her future.  We were both concerned with the rude awakening we saw heading her way.  "Someday, someone is going to break through that barrier...I pray that it isn't a catastrophe."  We talked, we shared, we prayed and we loved.  Finally, some of that good has seeped through, and that barrier is safely falling away.

PB has really grown this year as well.  The whines, the temper tantrums, they are still there, but I'm seeing them less often.  I see a witty girl, who is sweet and caring, and it's reflected in the way other children want to be her friend.  People flock to PB, they see her and smile and call her name.

Part of her charm is the way she completely lives in her own world.  She doesn't worry so much about what others think...if she is happy, that's all that matters to her.  She doesn't hear you when you say "that doesn't match," she puts it on and suddenly, it matches.  She is one of the few people I have ever met that can pull off a polka dotted shirt and plaid shorts and make it look cute.  For so many years, she has lived in the shadow of her sister.  She has been the younger sister, always trying to do what Bug did, have what Bug had.  No matter how many times and how many ways we tried to show them that life wasn't a competition between them, it was still there.  But this year, she wasn't so much the little sister every day.  She was the oldest.  She was allowed a little more freedom, and a little more responsibility.  There wasn't someone there to constantly compare herself to, and she blossomed.  Now I see a more mature relationship, a sharing of common interests as well as a protectiveness of each other.  There is still a competitive slant, but it is hushed now, toned down.

I hope this year has also taught my children how blessed our life is.  We may not live in a mansion with maid service and butlers, but we have a good life.  And even without the nice stuff, we have each other.  I'm going to try and remember those blessings every day, and count them, and hold them tight to me.

Swaparooni update

I was uploading pictures of my most recent swaparooni loot, and realized I never posted the last one!

Here is my swap from May...my swap partner was Karolienkie and she did such a great job.  The theme was Spring Flowers.  The colors are bright, and I'm using most of the stuff!

This month was another Local Swap, and divamom set me up! She is from Vermont, and I got some really yummy chocolate, including the Ben and Jerry's chocolate Cows....yummy!  There were also some office supply items, noteboks, and very pretty notecards.  It came on a day that I absolutely needed the pick me up, and it provided that!

And I haven't graced in a while, so that is my grace in small things. Packages that arrive when you most nee them.

GiST I dunno what number

and I'm too lazy to go look...

1. That last week is over...it seriously kicked my butt,
2. That spring is coming. Flowers are blooming. Hurray.
3. Today is my mommy's bday.
4. Today is PB's half birthday.
5. The sun is shining.

GiST 21/365

1. Warm weather again (but seriously, 75 today and snow tomorrow night. Someone needs to give Mother Nature some hormone therapy or something.)

2. Finding the support network you needed just in time.

3. Being asked if you are interviewing for a new job. (Apparently wearing a dress, which I try to do at least once a week, and having a meeting with someone not from your organization in a conference room in your building means you are interviewing. Wow, that would take some sort of something...interviewing at your current employers office for another job? Hhhhmmm...not so much!)

4. Watching my children chasing each other with tongs while unloading the dishwasher. (PB was singing a song from one of those Christmas specials "Put one tong in front of the other.)

5. Getting the DVD you ordered in less than 2 days, instead of the 5-10 they quoted you.

GiST 20/365

1. Warm Weather...too bad it's not going to stay all week.

2. Martial Arts for Monster...exercise and enjoyment for him.

3. Checking out exercise videos before you buy them.

4. Getting ready to paint the Monster's room this weekend.

5. Having a day off Friday and Monday!

Lots of little things, all rolled up in one

I have a few things I want to share, but don't feel like making them all up into various blog posts, so here we go. 

1.  There's one of those search your name on google with a word things going around.  You put "unfortunately (your name)" in the search.  I usually don't get interesting hits, but this one cracks me up.
"Unfortunately, mamalangs diabolical plan isn’t enough to save her ass from getting killed." (of course, this has my real name, but you get the idea.  Cracks me up.  I wish I could come up with a diabolical plan. (GiST 1...finding funny things out that I didn't know about myself.)

2. Yesterday, when we were leaving the youth center, one of my sons classmates was having a complete meltdown in front of the building.  It involved much yelling, screaming, and eventually her mother throwing her her shoulder and carrying her to car.  I looked over at PB and said "Oh look, she's having one of your meltdowns!"  She chuckled, and then said, "hey, I haven't had one of those in a while.  I'm getting better!"  I should hope so.  You're 10.  I remember those days.  Sometimes I wish I could still just pick her up and carry her off.  (GiST 2...PB finally maturing enough to know when to admit her faults and chuckle over them.)

3. Tonight we went out to eat.  After I put the kids to bed, I wanted to pay a couple of bills (well, I didn't want to, but you know...) and realized I couldn't find my debit card.  A quick call to the restaurant confirmed I left it there.  Thank Goodness. Every Wed I seem to forget something somewhere.  Perhaps I should just stop leaving the house on Wed. (GiST 3...I can get it back tomorrow, and could still pay the bill)

4. This website...Portraits of an Economy, started by Rebecca of Girls Gone Child, will make you cry, chuckle and say uh huh.  (GiST 4... I still have a job, and my husbands job is one of the most secure in the country right now.  We are still okay.  We bought a house with a normal 30 year mortgage, and the houses in our subidivision my take a long time to sell, but they are holding their value...and we don't plan on selling for at least 10-15 years anyway, so we'll be fine by then.)

5. Today my inner biotch came out.  I wasn't mad or cranky or sad, just bitchy.  I could not make my inner monologue come back on.  I know you really wanted to go to the conference in San Diego.  But you have a job, so stop your complaining.  You really want to go?  Pay your own way. (GiST 5...the people that work for me laughed at me a bunch today, making me laugh at myself.  It kept the actually out loud bitchiness to a minimum.)

I'm sure there's more, but this is it for now.  Peace out.
3.

Manic much?

I know, it's been a little light on the posting around here lately.  I'm sorry.  I'm too manic.

I can't seem to find the balance.  I'm either sound asleep constantly, or moving, moving, moving.  There just doesn't seem to be too much time left to just sit, let alone post.  And the bad part is, there's still a long list of things I need to do.  Very long.  Some of them kind of important.

But when I think about those things, I get tired again.  And I pass out.  Then I wake up and go 100 miles and hour, until I can't.  Then I pass out again. 

I know, this too will pass.  It's not just my hubby being gone, but the stress of the economy.  Talk revolves around our budget deficit every day.  We are half expecting the Governor to drop by one day.  Actually, he did drop by one of the State Police Troops recently.  They made an announcement...."The Governor is coming to use the facilities.  Please prepare."  Seriously, you had to be that in depth?  Poor guy, no privacy left.

Okay. that sleep thing again.  Tomorrow is another day.

1. Teaching First Aid/CPR.  I love teaching/training.  And people want to be in this class.
2. Cold medicines
3. A cleaning lady.  I love coming home to a house that is clean.  It makes my soul sing.  And without her?  That manic state would be upped several notches.  I never worry that my toilets aren't clean enough anymore.
4. French Fries with Old Bay Seasoning.
5. My hubby, who doesn't let a day go by without telling me he loves me, even when he's half a world away.

GiST 17/365

1. Bunco
2. Allergy meds
3. My inhaler
4. My son not puking anymore
5. My green machine carpet spot cleaner.

GiST 16/365

1. Stamp Club. Adult conversation, creativity, no children. Ahh
2. Homemade chicken nuggets and french fries
3. my new phone. I still love it
4. My mom. I left my purse at stamp club, and she went and got it and brought it to me.
5. My kids. I just love them so much.

A few of my favorite things....GiST day 15

I took a little break this weekend. I had to. I was so tired, and burn out, I just couldn't face anything that felt remotely like a chore. So I didn't. And I managed to get some stuff done anyway. And I'm feeling better.

Monster's new Scooby Doo Bedding came today. He's so excited. Now I want a week off of work to paint. I wish we could have 12 more hours in every day.

Grace today...not so hard to find.
1. My new phone. I just love playing with it. I especially love the color. No wait, the fact that I can im my hubby with it. Or maybe the feel of it. I don't know, I just know I love it.
2. Friends that make you smile, even when you don't feel like it.
3. I've been frustrated by a relatives unbloggable problem. It's not completely solved, but it's moving in that direction. Lack of drama in the immediate future? priceless.
4. A long weekend, and the ability to sleep in during some of it.
5. My new Ipod that's coming later this week. YAY!


I actually could go on...but I'll save some of the other items for days when I really need them :) I'm back, and I shall begin some serious blogging soon.

Tired (GiST 14/365)

I'm tired. I'm so tired, we had pizza for dinner. So tired, that the remnants of dinner are still sitting there, waiting to be cleaned up. And tonight, the dishes aren't getting done. The trash will be thrown away, and leftovers have been put away, but my bed is calling, and I'm about to succumb to it's siren call.

I'm tired, and PB is tired, and that isn't a good combo. She didn't have a good night last night. She worked herself into a stomach/head ache again last night, and was up until 11 pm. I was trying to get to bed early, but obviously, that didn't happen. I admit, these spells try my patience. I know she misses her father, and I get it, I really do. But it frustrates me that she isn't using any of the techniques we've given her (and we've give her a ton of them.) I finally managed to get her calmed down enough to fall asleep, and then a bit later I finally got to go to bed. But then woke up an hour early to hear the wind threatening to take us away.

The office was hot as a jungle today, and I've been in a fog all day. By the time we were home tonight, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and go to sleep. I managed to order dinner, make the cookies for Monster's school party tomorrow, and bathe the kids and put them to bed. In there, PB and I had a little tiff. I reminded her that just because she was tired, I wasn't going to tolerate her arguing, backtalking or yelling a me. I suggested she might just want to go to bed. After her shower, she came down and apologized to me for pitching a fit. That was a sign that she's starting to get it, and starting to really mature.

I've fought the tireds all day, and I worked hard to set aside the tireds during bed time. I hugged, kissed, tickled and wrestled them into bed, laughing all the way. That's a good way to end this Love Thursday...remembering the joy in that love.

1. Talking to my hubby on the phone, even if shortly, today.
2. Tickles and giggles with my kidlins.
3. A yummy breakfast potluck at work today.
4. Tomorrow is Friday.
5. Getting a great deal on webkinz for my kids, so they are getting two each for Valentine's Day.

GiST 13/365

1. My Hot tub
2. weather warm enough to enjoy the hot tub
3. my mom helping the kids with their valentines
4. SUNSHINE...did I mention the sun? It shone today.
5. Chick-Fil-A with a lot of coupons, so dinner for 3 was $3.24

GiST 12/365

1. trashy tv so I can feel so much better about myself
2. warm weather
3. a good picture of me (I'm getting better honey)
4. WaiKiKi Meatballs (made by my MIL...yummmy)
5. Monster earning student of the day in Martial Arts class.

GiST 11/365

1. Yummy grilled chicken wings. I'm so glad I actually cooked a good meal again.
2. Giggling with my children during dinner
3. Good music
4. Good books
5. The internet.

GiST 10/365

1. That I love my husband, and am still IN LOVE with my husband, even after over 12 years together and several military TDYs and deployments.
2. That my husband loves me and is still IN LOVE with me, still.
3. That my husband thinks I'm gorgeous and sexy.
4. That I'm learning to accept his compliments.
5. It was a beautiful day, and my car is clean.