Day 10 - Don't want to live without

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"I don't want to live without my iced tea. I think it flows through my veins. #novemberphotoaday #fmsphotoaday"
(taken at Asylum de Lang)

Day 9 - Small

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"Trying to pick up@some crochet again. This is a small stitch. Maybe this time I'll learn how to do@more than make a scarf. Today's theme is small. #fmsphotoaday #novemberphotoaday #crochet"
(taken at Asylum de Lang)

Day 8 - Everyday

Today's prompt was something you do every day. Every night I cuddle with my son, and it is truly one of the best parts of my day. We usually read side by side for 20 or so minutes, then snuggle and chat before I tuck him in. It's a great waynformhim to wind down and me to get some cuddles.

Day 7 - reflection

The theme today is reflection. And while I took this in the mirror, I prefer to think of the reflecting I'm doing on the theme of my shirt. This election caused even stronger divides than we already had, and the only way we are going to improve our country is to live united.

Day 6 - A Favorite Thing

My basement craft space is one of my favorite places to be. One of theses days I actually finish writing my post about it.

Day 5 - 5 O'Clock

Day 5's theme is 5 O'Clock.  Pretty much every day at 5:00, I'm in my car.  Either picking someone up or dropping someone off.  My Sirius is my life line...I can't stand commercials!

Day 4 - Television

The movie theater where I live offers the cheapest movies between 4 and 6, so that's when we try to go.  We went Saturday to see Wreck It Ralph, but unfortunately they sold out right before we got there.  So I bought our tickets for Sunday's showing.  Today's theme was tv, but I stretched it a little...movie screens are just big tv's, right?

We all loved the movie by the way.

Day 3- breakfast

Today's theme is breakfast. I have a Luna bar almost every morning. Breakfast is a hard meal for me. I don't like cereal, it doesn't last. I don't usually have time to make eggs or meat. Since I'm trying to get back on program and lose more weight, these are a great solution.

And my one cup of coffee a day with a touch of flavored all natural creamer. Ahhhh!!!

Day 2 - NaBloPoMo and November Picture a Day

The sunrises and sunsets around here lately have been gorgeous.  The whole sky lights up with the colors.  It makes me want to just stand and take it all in, but unfortunately I'm usually rushing from dropping kids off to work.  But I still make sure I take at least a minute to enjoy the beauty and appreciate the simple pleasure.  

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"Sunrise this morning. The pinks and oranges coloured the whole sky, making me feel like I was under a bowl. It was gorgeous. #novemberphotoaday #nofilter #fmsphotoaday"
(taken at Cubicle World)

November

So I signed up for a picture a day for November on Instagram, and then I signed up for NaBloPoMo again.  I figure if nothing else, I can post my picture each day...lol.  But I'm hoping to throw some real posts in there as well.

So Day one was something that starts with C.

Monster went with his dad to buy his first deodorant.  It is Cool Wave scent.  This makes me so sad...he's turning into a pre-teen, and I'm losing my baby.  Luckily, he still loves his mama to pieces.

BHBC: Diary of a Submissive

First, I have a confession.  I haven't read Fifty Shades of Grey, and I probably won't.  But when the opportunity to review Diary of a Submissive for BlogHer Book Club, I was intrigued. Diary of a Submissive is the true life story of a woman discovering her desires.  While it lives in the erotica genre, it's more than just a titillating read.

Sophie Morgan (a pseudonym) is a journalist who thrives on being independent.  But secretly, she wants to be submissive.  The story in this book takes us from Sophie's early life, through her college years (and her first spanking) through current day, sharing the journey she has taken to find her true self.  Behind the (sometimes steamy) tales of domination/submission, there is a story of trusting yourself, and finding the confidence to go after what you want and take some chances.  Throughout all of Sophie's relationships, she is pushed to the edges of her boundaries, and has to truly listen to her inner voice telling her what she can and can't handle.

I believe that I am a pretty open-minded person, and what other people do in their private lives is their business.  Reading this story confirmed for me that I would never make it as as submissive.  I do wish that there was more discussion regarding the mechanics of a dominant/submissive relationship.  While there was a quick discussion of safe words and normal nights, the bulk of the story was about the actual acts.

If you enjoyed the Fifty Shades series, you should read Diary of a Submissive.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

Nuggets

There are so many things every day that I think I will write about, but I never do.  I'm not confident enough in my voice any longer.  I'm floundering with who I am.  I'm working on finding that confidence, so I'm forcing myself to write for now.

Most people make resolutions and changes on New Year's Day.  I feel that resolve in the Fall, when it's back to school.  I purge and clean, buying new notebooks and calendars, resolving to do better at staying organized this year.  It very rarely works, but I enjoy it none-the-less.  I have been on a cleaning/purging binge though, and my house is feeling better for it.

How about you?  Does your fresh start come in January or September?

Tightropes

My boy is nine.  It seems like just yesterday he was a mischievous little imp with a quick smile.  Now he's a messy boy, although still a bit mischievous.  In the past week, I've had numerous people comment on how big he has gotten, how much he has physically grown.  It's scary to be honest.  He's my baby.

He has discovered boy humor, and is constantly trying to insult his sisters (even though his insults are usually made up of nonsense.)  He is mostly loving, but prone to moments of grumpiness that I can no longer cajole him out of.  Luckily, he still loves his mama best, and he understands that no matter what, I'm there for him.

We had a young boy die in our school district last week, an apparent suicide at 10.  We've had a rash of suicides at the high school level in the last year and each one has shaken me, but this one, this one almost crushed me.  I don't believe that we knew the boy in any of our small groups, but it still is so upsetting.  How does a 10 year old even begin to think about their own death?  How sad must you be, what bad things have happened in your life?  All I could do was grab up my boy and love him, talking to him and making sure he knew how much I love him, how adored he is.

I work hard to maintain a relationship with my kids.  I try to walk that line...the line where your kids respect that you are the adult and are trying to do what is best for them, and them still wanting to be around you and talk to you.  It's like a tightrope, and I sometimes wobble.  Hopefully I haven't fallen completely off without knowing.

My baby girl turned 14 on Sunday.  I'm not sure how that squalling little baby girl is now suddenly a Freshman in high school, but there it is.

This child is my mini-me, not just in looks but in personality.  I always worried that it would make it difficult to be her mother.  It's usually volatile when you are so much alike.  But I have found that it's actually made it easier.  I can usually figure out what makes her tick, and when she needs to be pushed and when we need to just let her be.  It is eerie to hear my own teenage voice coming out of her mouth occasionally, but at the same time it's comforting.

This daughter has taught me so much about myself.  Most importantly, she's taught me to love myself, in a way I never could when I was a teenager.  She is confident in herself, and has no problem expressing herself or her creativity.  I was always afraid of being made fun of, and kept so much of myself hidden.  I'm not saying she doesn't have moments of self-doubt, or that there aren't things about herself that she wishes she could change.  She wouldn't be human if that was the case.  But she knows who she is and stays true to herself.

My main goal as a parent was to be sure that my children knew that they were loved, no matter what.  I wanted them to know affection, and that they could tell me anything.  I worried as we moved into the teenage years that this might be compromised, but I'm happy that my girl wants to hug her mama regularly, and isn't afraid to come talk to me about the hard situations. I'm not bragging, or saying I'm doing a perfect job.  I'm saying that I'm doing the best job I can, and I'm confident that I'm giving my kids the best of me most of the time.

I am thankful every day for the opportunity to be her mother.  And I've learned to be thankful that I am the person that I am.

Not so out of my element

So a few weeks ago, I mentioned that the hubs and I were working at a music festival in our hometown. And it was an amazing event.

The inaugural Firefly Music Festival  was a great weekend full of music and interesting sights. The entire weekend went by in a flash, but glimpses of it will have to keep me moving towards next years event.

It sounds funny to say that it was a peaceful event, since the music was anything but peaceful.  But it really seemed that everyone there just wanted to enjoy some great music.  While I saw a lot of interesting sights, and yes, I probably even silently thought they were crazy, there was an overwhelming attitude of acceptance.  Maybe we were all on a contact (or non-contact) high, but the craziness just made it more fun.

There were people with hula hoops, butterfly wings, and crazy hats.  There was a guy in a speedo, a guy dressed as a Hooter's girl, people in banana and taco costumes, people that hadn't bathed all weekend, and people dressed like they were about to get on a yacht.  But when the music played, it didn't matter.

I worked behind the main stage, and got to see and chat with quite a few artists.  Imagine Dragons were awesome performing, and they were great backstage as well.  The Flaming Lips are true entertainers, and I loved watching them walk by.  Fitz and the Tantrums rocked the stage, and they were rocking backstage as well.  I discovered Mayer Hawthorne, and loved him.  Grouplove, Ok Go, and many more.  But the best shows of the weekend?  The Black Keys on Sunday night was awesome.  Everyone knew it was the last moments, and the crush of people was amazing.  I've been in large groups before that sucked, but this group was of one mind...rock out and suck the last bit of enjoyment from the weekend.

But even better was the Killers show on Saturday night.  They ROCKED.  Fireworks, great music, beautiful weather.  It was everything that it should have been.

The hubs and I have already purchased our tickets for next year, and I'm hoping we can arrange to take our kids.  No volunteering next year...I plan on rocking at every show I can.

BHBC: The Care and Handling of Roses with Thorns

I was so excited to be provided with an advance copy of this book.  When I opened the picture, the cover was such a gorgeous color and I was excited to get started reading.

The Care and handling of Roses with Thorns follows a small period of time in the life of Gal.  Gal is a science teacher with kidney disease who wants to create a new type of rose.  She is a very frank person, often saying exactly what is on her mind and seeing things in black and white.  She doesn't always understand why people get upset, since she is usually correct.  Her life is changed when her teenage niece is unexpectedly sent to live with her.  Gal must learn how to be more flexible and begins to see the world in color.


This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own. 

Out of my element.

So, there's this huge new music festival being held where I live this weekend, and the hubs and I decided to sign up to volunteer. We paid our paltry fee, ($20 compared to $218 for a ticket) and have been waiting with a mixture of worry and excitement.

We were told to expect an email mid June with our job assignments. A few weeks after that, we finally received said notification...floaters. WTH? Oh well, as long as I didn't end up with trash duty I was fine.

Today we went to credentialing to check in. And man did we score in the job area. I am a traffic control specialist. I will be handling the golf cart traffic behind the main stage. I will get to work with the production team and see the main stage artists before and after they go onstage. The hubs gets to be a VIP area clicker. He's basically a bouncer for the VIP area where he can watch the shows.

We live just a few miles away, so we plan to go home and sleep every night. But when they offered free camp sites, we thought it might be wise to snag one for a base camp during the day. Setting up the tent tonight made me feel old. An a bit nostalgic. But then I realize that my age may have helped me score the better placement and I'm all good with it.

I'm mostly an introvert. I hate small talk. The Internet is one of my favorite places to meet people since I can get all the awkward out of the way without the face to face scariness. This whole weekend will be a step outside my comfort zone. Bring it on.

It's a hard knock life

I read quite a few blogs.  It seems like every one is struggling with big life issues right now.  Divorce and sick kids.  These aren't blogs that started with this life issues.  But wow is it prevalent.  Perhaps it's a side effect of the reason economic pressures, perhaps it's just a fact of life.  

I understand how these things happen.  You think you're going along doing okay, and then the little things build up, and then they aren't so little.  And at some point, you have to decide if it's worth trying to fix things. And sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes it is no.

Lately, my whole life feels chaotic.  I'm trying to take some time this summer to enjoy the little things in life, to fully live in the moment.  And I'm trying to get my kids to do that same.

How about you?  Are you enjoying the little moments?

BHBC: The Artist's Way Toolkit

I had never heard of The Artist's Way before being given the opportunity to review this toolkit, but I jumped at the chance.  I've been interested in finding ways to better focus on my creative side, hoping it would open up my world and allow me more peace and time to engage that side of my personality.

The Artist's Way is a book by Julia Cameron and the online service is meant to be a toolkit to go along with the book.  I do not have the book, and have never read it.  I still found the toolkit useful.

Each day you are supposed to start with Morning Pages, which are 3 handwritten or drawn journal pages.  No subject is off limits, and you are supposed to use them to clear your mind.  I am horrible at these first thing in the morning.  I am one of those people that jump out of bed, shower, and start my day.  I've often fantasized about sitting on the back deck, drinking coffee and enjoying the peace and solitude, but it's just not available in my daily life.  I tried to do them, and failed miserably.  I love the idea behind them, which is to clear your mind and prepare you to embrace your creativity throughout the day, and now that school is out for the summer, maybe I'll try again a few days a week.  Or maybe I'll try them in the evening.

There are other components, and I find them interesting, but they just don't mesh with my life right now.  There are Artist's Dates for you to do each week.  This weeks is to go to the beach alone and leave all distractions behind.  I'm assuming these are the same for everyone using the service.  What if there isn't a beach near where you live?  What if your family would mutiny if they knew you went alone?  What if there isn't enough alone time in your life for that?  I wish you could choose from several options.

There are also sound bites, but those didn't really do much for me.  I'm a reader, and I hate listening to people talk.

I downloaded the app for my iPhone, and that is a huge plus for me. Finding time to sit down at my computer might be difficult every day, and staying focused while one...well, there's always Pinterest and Facebook to tempt us, am I right? But I find I'm much more likely to focus if I'm opening an app on my phone.

I think that this toolkit has some great components, and for some people it would really work.  At this time, it's just not the tool I was looking for in my daily life.

Read other reviews and join in the discussion at BlogHer!

This is a paid review, I was compensated and given a free trial to the toolkit, but the review is my own thoughts and words.

Life is...

Busy, as it seems it always is for everyone.

Not always beautiful.  Sometimes it's messy and gross, but still so worthwhile.

Better than the alternative.

Give a little?

Today, via Girls Gone Child, I found another adoption story with a Paypal donation button.  And while I don't begrudge people trying to raise money for their adoptions, sometimes the growing trend of Paypal donation buttons can get a little tiring.  But I clicked over to the persons blog to read their story.  And I found out that this family is different.

First, I read about baby Elvie here.  Then I did a little clicking around, and discovered this page.  And what an amazing idea.  Instead of asking you to just GIVE them money, they are asking you to "loan" them the money.  You wont' get your money back, but instead, they will make a "loan" payment each month to a charity that their readers vote on.  Go, read.  I'll wait.

This is what people should be doing.  I know that not every person is in the position to make the loan payments at the time they are asking for funds, but so many come across as nothing more than begging.  How refreshing to find someone committed to making the world a better place in a financially responsible way.

BHBC: Lost and Found by Geneen Roth

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

In Lost and Found, Geneen Roth discusses her relationship with money before and after losing her life savings as a victim of the Madoff Ponzi Scheme.  Geneen has spent her life learning how to fix her relationship with food and then teaching others how to do the same.  In this book, she discusses how her relationship with money was fueled by the same feelings and beliefs that fueled her overeating.

Right after Geneen finds out about the loss of their life savings, she goes shopping while in New York City and becomes obsessed over a pair of glasses.  She makes her mother and husband come see the glasses and is convinced that her whole life will be better with those glasses.  Ultimately, a different sales clerk makes her see that those glasses aren’t what she wants, waking her from the haze of the obsession. This moment helps her start to understand how dysfunctional her relationship with money is, and how similar it is to her relationship with food.

This book was a little difficult to read, as some of the things she discusses hit close to home.  I've come away with a better understanding of my relationship with both food and money, and I'm looking forward to working towards making changes because of this awareness.

Creative much?

I haven't been doing much creative work lately, and I can tell.  So tonight I sat down and worked on a project. I have the template made.  And I'm hoping to knock a few practice items out in the next few days, and then maybe create a tutorial!  

I also need to get better pictures of my craft area and show you my favorite place :)

Life on the daisy

I know that it probably seems like the only posts I publish are paid book reviews any more.  I'm really trying to work more on that.  I plan on sharing some non-paid book reviews as well!

It's difficult to write about our daily lives now.  My daughters are 18 and 13 and the baby is 9!  They have their own stories, and I'm careful with what I share about them here.  And in all honesty, they are good kids.  The temper tantrums and battle of wills are few and far between nowadays, and of course, I've learned to let more go.

I always sort of dreaded the teenage years.  The eye rolling and knowing more than you.  Don't get me wrong, I own up that I totally deserved whatever came my way...I thrived on correcting my mom when I was younger. But surprisingly, I'm loving the teenage years.  I'm seeing the fruits of all those years of dealing with the temper tantrums and battles, and I'm enjoying them.  They are mostly sweet, with the occasional twang.  My girls are friends not just with each other, but with each other's friends.  They enjoy spending time together.  They include their brother when appropriate, even though he can be an annoying pest at times.  They both have a good group of friends, and those friends have parents I like.  They get good grades, they are home when they are supposed to be, and they are where they say they will be.  I am blessed and I know it.  I also make sure that they understand that they have more freedom and opportunities because they have earned my trust.

The Monster is a typical 9 year old boy.  He still loves me with all his might, and even when he's mad at me he can't resist a good hug.  It pains me at times to see how big he is getting...those teen years are coming fast at me with him.

My job is frustrating a lot of the time right now, with the occasional rewarding moment.  We've made some new friends, and spring is hopefully arriving.  Life is good on the Daisy right now.

BHBC: Diary of a Mad Fat Girl

What's a girl to do when her two best friends get themselves into trouble?  Rescue them, of course.

Graciela "Ace" Jones has loved the same boy since she was eleven, and still has the same best friends since then.  When one friend is fired over false accusations, and the other hits a personal crisis, Ace finds herself in several interesting situations trying to help her friends right the wrongs that have been done to them.

I very much enjoyed Diary of a Mad Fat Girl.  I could relate to the characters and laughed out loud at some of the situations Ace and friends found themselves in.  The only thing that bothered me was when Ace referred to herself as fat.  I understand that most of what she talked about was real, but while I could relate to the words she was saying, ultimately, I revert to the picture on the front of the book, and that looks like a healthy woman's legs to me.  Maybe that isn't what Stephanie McAfee had in mind when she imagined Ace, but that is what is in my mind as I read the book.  As someone who has struggled with weight issues, and the negative self-talk that follows, for most of her teenage and adult life, I hate when I read or hear other people disparaging someone who isn't really heavy.

I'm hoping there will be more stories from Stephanie McAfee, maybe even involving some of the characters from Diary of a Mad Fat Girl.

This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.

Ponderings

Why do people hate on Nickleback so much?  I'm not a die hard fan, but I don't find their music offensive.

Why is February the shortest month but it seems to last so long?

Why do people plan big events on holidays and special days, even if they don't celebrate them?

Why is it always a sunny, warm, gorgeous day on Thursday and then cold and rainy on Friday and Saturday?

Pecked to death

I was having one of those days yesterdays...the ones that make you feel like the Universe, and all it's cosmic glory, is against you.  Nothing major or big happened, just a bunch of little things, over and over again.  I was complaining to a friend last night, and he sent me back this gem:

Sometimes it's easier to get eaten by a tiger than to get pecked to death by ducks.

That sums up my day yesterday.

But today, I kept waiting for that crouching tiger.  The ducks hadn't quite finished me off, and it smelled fresh meat.

Sunny Days

So I started a couch to 5K program a few weeks ago.  I HATE running.  Despise it.  Running makes my body scream and yell at me.  But just once, I want to run. I want to feel like my body is capable.  I'm not delusional, I won't be running any marathons, but a small 5K?  I should be able to do that.

I just completed week 2, and will be repeating that week starting on Saturday.  My lungs are screaming by the 1 minute mark.  Not acceptable.  I will beat them into submission if I have to.

I need to track, I need to feel accountable.  So I'm putting it out here.

One month down...one year down...one day down.

January is a tough month for most people.  It's dark, dreary and cold.  Your resolutions that sounded like such great ideas at the beginning of the month are either long gone and fueling your guilt or have totally turned into a chore.  Movie and music releases are slower, television shows are in reruns, it's all glum after party let down.

February, you start to pick up a bit.  You picture the good things ahead. You either look forward to Valentine's day, or you look forward to boycotting and complaining about it.

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death.  She was my last living grandparent. She watched me when I was a small child, helping me with my homework and scraped knees.  She wasn't the grandmotherly type, often issuing rules that made me mad.  But I always knew she loved me.

I remember my grandparents buying me a doll house for Christmas one year...a huge monstrosity wooden kit.  My grandparents quickly realized that this was way above their skill set, and returned it for a pre-fab pink plastic one.  But she took the extra money and bought a wooden furniture set.  The miniature pieces required assembly with glue and stickers and paint.  My grandmother sat at the dining table with me working on those tiny pieces, mumbling under her breath, after school for weeks.  I loved them.  I played with them for years, and my girls played with that dollhouse for a few years.

I am a reformed pack rat.  My life changed many times growing up, and holding on to things gave me a sense of peace.  As an adult, I've had to learn how to let go of those things, whether thanks to a flooded basement or a general lack of space.  The things I keep now must be very special or beautiful or functional.  I still have that furniture, in a shoe box in a plastic tote.

My  grandmother was very difficult in her later years.  My mother and her never had an "easy" relationship, although they would both argue that it was the best it could be.  The stories her friends told at her memorial helped me remember the fun things about her.  And time has allowed me to pull those memories up more readily.  And I've seen some of the things I get from her.

Today, I miss my grandma.  I'm not sad that passed, as she lived a long life.  But I do wish that I had taken the time to learn more about her from before she was my grandmother, before she was a wife and mother.  I wish I had thanked her more often for the memories she did give me.

I think I need to visit with my furniture tonight.

BHBC - Why Women Need Fat

When I first opened Why Women Need Fat, I sighed a little inside.  I see these type of books, and they intrigue me, but then I start reading and after struggling through a chapter or two, I lose interest.  I might pick it up here and there trying to get through it, but it's slow progress.  And the first chapter or two, I felt that slight intrigue, but was still worried.  Not to mention, another diet book...really?

But once I got started, I actually wanted to read this book.

The authors believe that we need to go back to a diet similar to that of our ancestors...hunters and gatherers.  The explosion of Vegetable fats in our food has created a surplus of Omega 6 in our bodies and an extreme deficit of Omega 3, which ultimately causes our body to crave more fat.

As I read the various points they make, I found myself nodding my head in agreement.  My husband and I have been working towards eating a more natural diet for the last several years, striving hard for moderation.  A peak inside our cabinets will show that we have a ways to go, but slowly we are making a dent.  We've discussed how different girls bodies are than when we were their age, including the large number of teen girls with belly rolls.

I do wish that the authors would have at least acknowledged that it wasn't just the diets of our ancestors, but the activity levels as well that helped them to be thinner.  I also would have liked to seen moderation discussed a little more...butter is fine, but we shouldn't eat sticks of it every day.

I'm not sure that reading this book will create a radical change in my diet or thinking, but I do believe that it will help me be even more informed when reading food labels, and allow me to make better choices for my family.

Disclosure Statement: This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own 

Sick

I owe you week one's uploads, but I'm sick and trying to finish a book for a book review.  I'll be in later this week with week ones.  That's the nice thing about creating my own challenge, I can be flexible.

Happy New Year!

I don't really like the idea of resolutions. They never last. But I do plan to continue a few trends this year.

First, I am more committed to my weight loss journey than I was before. I have a taste of the person I used to be, and I plan to find her, then re-mold her into something even better. I have plans to shake up my work out routine, and I'm seriously considering a couch to 5K in a few months. I will eat healthy and I will feel better.

I am also committing to becoming a better photographer. I have a very nice camera and I need to use it more often. And when I don't have it, I will use my iPhone and that will be okay. I've been thinking about doing the 365 project but shuddered at some of the guidelines. Taking the pictures isn't the issue so much as uploading them is. So I'm creating my own 366 project (it is leap year). I'm going to do a 366/52.2 project. I will take some sort of picture every day. I will commit to uploading and posting about it once a week. I have created a group in Flickr here and will be posting the pics there and here. I may post them there more often than once a week, but I will post them here every Monday. Join me if you like!

Today we cleaned the house of all it's Christmas decorations.  And the shed and garage and back porch.  And got the laundry done.  I'm tired.

Labels

Labels. We all wear them. Some we've had all of our lives while others come and go. Daughter. Mother. Son. Father. Those are the easy labels.

Failure, unworthy, unlovable. Those come too easy as well. It's easy to look at small things in our lives and make them bigger than they really are. We think that because we didn't get that job or that person didn't fall in love with us we are any or all of those labels. Sometimes those labels stick with us through our whole lives, coloring our perceptions every day.

But each of us has the potential to wear better labels. Loving, kind, friend, lover. Those are all easy to wear as well. My goal moving forward is to wear those positive labels more than I wear the negative.

Santa, is that you?

The Monster will be 9 this Friday.  I really can't believe that.  It seems like just the other day he was my little toddler monster.

Santa called to speak to him this evening.  He spent about 2 minutes discussing his wish list and whether he should be on the naughty or nice list.  It made my heart so happy to listen to him.

Finding me.

I was feeling like this every day for a while.  And while I chuckled while I read that, it wasn't really funny.

But you know what?  I've snapped out of it.  I sat myself down and told her to grow the heck up.  It was time to put up or shut up.  And any of those other cliche's you can think of.

This process actually started a year or so ago.  I started realizing that I wasn't really happy.  I was snappy, and grumpy, and fat, and feeling like a slug all the time.  I had a procedure last year that helped with my endo, and I was starting to feel better.  But I was still cranky, lazy, and fat.

At the end of July, I started Weight Watchers at work.  After a few weeks, I realized that I needed to get moving in order to maximize my weight loss and feel better.  I started going to Zumba at least twice a week.  I started attending a weekly strength and toning class at work during one lunch hour.

Since July 26th, I have lost 35 pounds.  I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel every day.  I have more energy, feel better, sleep better, and feel more like me every day.  I like putting on clothes, and am working on trying to allow myself to be in more pictures.

But I also realized that I needed to get healthier in every aspect, not just with my weight.  So I've been working on my outlook and feelings.  And I'm becoming more like me...the me of years ago.

But the journey is far from over.  I have at least 40 more pounds to lose...possibly even more.  I have found my voice again.  I want to talk.  The little things aren't as likely to send me into the spiral anymore. I've found my strength.

Chatty?

I've been feeling chatty lately.  Facebook friends are probably ready to kill me.  I realized today that I need to start blogging these thoughts.  Maybe I found my voice again?  They're gonna be rough, but I'm gonna try to put them out there.

Today was a day of cooking...I made italian wedding soup for lunch and steak, scalloped potatoes and roasted broccoli and cauliflower for dinner.  I also made Kale Chips for the first time...oh my, those are delicious!  I also roasted chestnuts in the oven for the first time.  I don't really like them, but I'm glad I tried them.

I also managed to get several Christmas projects knocked out.  I have a lot more to go, but it felt good to have something done.

And I managed to get all of the family to put their clothes away.  It's a Christmas miracle.

What to talk about this month.

Today's post isn't going to be too exciting, but here it goes.

I am going to make a list of some of the things I want to blog about.  Maybe if I put it out there for public consumption, I'll start working on it.

Weight loss and healthy eating
Parenting a college student who still lives at home
The visit to the fall fest
holiday traditions
my craft space
marriage
my thoughts on the recent protests


There are more...I know there are.  But it's a start.

November? Already?

I'm full of cliche's today.  I can't believe it's November.  It seems like it was just the first day of school, and the first marking period is already over.  We are as busy as ever with the kids and their activities, and I went and signed up to do a craft show.  Silly me.

In other news, here they are in all of their Halloween glory.

Bug as a witch to hand out candy.

PB...I'm not sure what she was?  It started out wanting a mask,
 then saw the wins and tutu, then the pantyhose.  She's cute though.

The super stealthy ninja boy known as Monster.
 Yes, we had him wear his martial arts uniform.  I'm cheap, okay?

And off on another tangent, I signed up for NaBloPoMo...let's see how long I last.

31 days; day 4 - Family dinners

Tuesday night has been martial arts night for a long time (although that is about to change...more on that later.) This means that I leave work, pick the Monster up, drive to martial arts, then finally get home around 6:15.  Someone else is responsible for dinner, so that it's on the table when we get home.

When we came home last night, Monster asked if he could change the station, and Bug snapped at him.  She was finishing up dinner, and I could tell that she was frustrated about something.  I was giving her some space to work on a better mood, and trying not to get snappy with her.

We sat down to eat, and she had burned the side dish, so what was supposed to be white was more beige.  There was some conversation about the brown flecks, and she was moping a little.  Her father told her it was fine, she just infused the flavor of camping over a wood fire.

I bought the Monster a Would You Rather book at the book fair yesterday.  He started talking about them with us at the table.

By the end of dinner, we were all laughing and joking, and grumpiness was banished.

I love our family dinners.  They are the one thing that I strive to have almost every night.  Sometimes we may not all be sitting there, but those that are home are expected to join us.  Sometimes they end up in grumpiness still, but the majority of the time, they end up in laughter and family togetherness.

31 days; day 3 Blessings - time with my honey

My honey and I got to spend the day together today, and a nap was included on the schedule.  Today was a great day!

31 days, day 2 - The house is still standing

My husband was away with cub scouts this weekend, working on his Woodbadge training.  The dog has been having stomach issues for the last few nights, which means much cleaning of feces.  Tonight, the Monster stopped up the toilet, and decided to flush it twice to try and make it unstop.  Needless to say, water and feces went everywhere.  Bug and I are sick of cleaning up poop.

But I cleaned it up, the dog is on a strict water only diet until tomorrow to try and clean out his system, and the house is still standing.  My husband came home and we had a yummy dinner with much laughing and chatting.  All in all, not a bad day.

31 days; Day 1

Today was a good day.  PB had her 13th birthday party last night/today, and that generates my blessing today.

I am blessed to have a daughter, but I'm even more blessed to have a daughter that I love dearly, and love to spend time with.  She is a sweet girl, and the circle of friends she has developed is strong.  Watching her open the gifts they gave, you could tell these girls knew her.  The amount of giggling and laughing that went on in this house in the approximately 17 hours they were here was amazing, and the feeling that they aren't uncomfortable if an adult is nearby is sweet.  After they left, we created fabric backings for two of her shelves.  We worked together comfortably with some giggling, and her bookshelves look great now.

I never want to take this girl for granted.  She can drive me crazy, but overall, she is a sweet, smart and caring girl.

31 days

I've joined the 31 days challenge.  Every day for the month of October, I will be posting about Blessings.  I know I live a blessed life, and I want to make sure that I'm looking for them every day.  Join me?  I even made myself a little button...see it over there?  I'm learning new things every day :)

updating

I'm trying to get back into the mood to make my blog pretty.  I'm not sure about this background...I think it's too busy.  I need to sit down and work on a header, but I just haven't had the time.  I am behind in a ton of areas, and I don't see it getting better.

Fall weather is on its way, and I am so ready.

I've been doing Weight Watchers for 10 weeks, and I've lost 20 lbs.  That's a little more than 2 lbs a week (week one doesn't count) so I'm excited.  I've been going to Zumba at least a couple of times a week as well, and I'm enjoying the extra energy I've acquired.  I have a long way to go.  I've been hesitant to blog about my weight loss journey, but I think I will begin.

I also want to make some blog buttons. I'm loving Pinterest and want lots of people to follow me!

Phoning it in

I'm trying out some apps in hopes I'll blog more if I can post from my phone.

7 days is coming!

I'm posting to help me remember that 7 days starts on Saturday.  I will participate this time, I will participate this time...you get the idea.

Book Review time

Psst...guess what? 

I had the chance to join the BlogHer Book Club.  

My review of the book "A Good Hard Look" is up over here!

Update on the Craziness

We discovered Saturday that the car didn't just break on it's own...it broke when it collided with the driver's side rear tire on our jeep.  Since it's been over a week, they won't do an accident report, only an incident report.  Our only recourse, except our own insurance, is to find out who owned the car and sue them.  Yay.  The police officer did tow the car, so at least it's no longer causing problems getting in and out of our driveway.

The Heroin House drama continues.  The renters are from another country, and at least one is being deported.  We lock our house and cars and set our alarm now and try not to stare when we go out front.  They've recently moved some furniture out of the house.  I hope they are truly moving, and not just moving product!

Military needs

Earlier this week, the husband had to go to Walter Reed for a medical appointment and I decided to ride along.  This isn't the first time we've had to go there, but this time was a bit more bittersweet than the last.  As we were winding our way through the crazy corridors trying to locate the correct office, all around were people packing up offices, searching for boxes, talking about moving schedules.  The next time we have to go for a special medical appointment, we'll be heading to Bethesda instead.  It's amazing to think about the legacy of that building, and of the history that has been contained within it's walls.

The military medical system is a difficult system to use.  The logistics of doctors, nurses, and technicians relocating every few years guarantees that your care will be routinely handled by a different person, and sometimes it affects the consistency of care you receive.  In recent years, the military health system has come under greater scrutiny, and Walter Reed was at the center of that scrutiny. Changes were made, and are still being made.  I'm hopeful that these changes bring about a greater level of care for our wounded soldiers. I appreciate the many people who work within this system daily, trying to provide the needed services for those who have sacrificed for their fellow man.

Sometimes it's hard to see what the members of America's military do to protect us here at home.  We hear about them fighting the war overseas and we hear people's opinion on those wars. We hear about the casualties and the bad things that happen.  And occasionally we hear about the good things they are doing over there. And then those men and women come home, hopefully safely, and try to live their everyday lives.  Many of those serving overseas are members of the Guard or Reserves.  The military is not their normal life, and no matter how they serve, normal life has continued while they were away.  They have to learn to live a life that has changed.  They may not bear physical wounds, but anyone that has deployed to a war zone will tell you that they have a new reality when they return home.  Some of them bear scars that no one will ever see.

Our country struggles to handle these wounded veterans.  The system wants to point fingers and cover up blame.  Our elected officials worry more about the next election than the do the quality of life for our military members and their families.  Sure, it's nice to attend Easter egg hunts and ballgames and concerts.  And those events make great photo ops.  But what our service members need is care.  They need to know that they will receive their pay on time.  They need to know that they will receive the best medical treatments available, both for them and their families.  They need to know that the equipment and buildings they use are built to the highest standard, not the lowest.  They need to know that the retirement benefits they've been counting on will be there when they retire.

Where I make up new seasons

It's beautiful here right now...sort of like Indian Fall in the middle of August (what?  That isn't a real thing?  We have Indian Summer in the fall, why can't we have Indian Fall in the Summer?)  Temps in the low 80's with no humidity.  Lows at night in the high 60's/low 70's.  It's like a little blessing in the middle of all the heat we've been living through. I plan on enjoying it for all it's glory, until the next heat wave crushes us.  Probably in September :)

Strolling through the craziness...

Around 3 am on Friday morning, I woke from a deep sleep to the sound of metal clanging along blacktop.  I jumped out of bed to look out the window, and see someone parked next to our Jeep on the road, getting out and walking around.  I tell my husband that it looks like someone is messing with our car.

He jumps out of bed, throws on some shorts and runs out front to see what is going on.  He comes in a few minutes later to get a flashlight.  The guy was leaving his friends house in our development when his car broke...the front tire is rubbing against the wheel well, and he destroyed his transmission.  In the midst of this, his beer spilled all over him and his car.  I'm sure it wasn't his first or only.  My husband tries to help him move the car out of the middle of the road, but drunk guy isn't really cooperating, and keeps refusing to call a tow truck.  Around 3:45 we give up on him and try to go back to bed.

Friday afternoon, the neighbor comes out to tell us that he helped push the guys car off the street.  Which is nice, except it's perfectly lined up with our driveway now, and makes getting in and out of our driveway difficult.  He also told us that a major drug bust occurred in the rental house located diagonally from us.  The tenants have lived there for a month...we live in a nice development.

On Saturday, Monster and I had a little stroll through the woods.  Well, actually, it was a leave no trace hike with his cub scout pack.  We took the short trail, and 3 miles later we finally were hot and thirsty and ready to go.  But first, Monster and I had to take a visit to the nature center.  I loved the displays in there, but these two were my favorites.

After that, we went to our local orchard for the annual festival, enjoyed some free peach ice cream and a hay ride.  My mil invited the kids over to swim, so I took Monster home to get his bathing suit.  As I pulled into my drive, there was a police officer parked behind the car and in front of the drug bust house.  I did a few things in the yard while he ran inside, then had a discussion with the officer about the car.  Unfortunately, they can't tow it, but can only continue to ticket it for being parked the wrong direction.  As I was leaving, my mom pulled up and joined me.  We were almost out of the development when I realized I had left my phone on the bumper of my car.  I turned around to go home and prayed that it wasn't destroyed.  I couldn't find it.  We finally found it where I had turned around, and the screen was shattered.  I was sick...I literally thought I would throw up. My mom took Monster over to swim, and I googled trying to figure out what my options were.

I stayed home Sunday and finished rearranging and cleaning my craft area.  (more to come on this!) I needed to soothe my nerves.

On Monday, we drove the hour north to the nearest Apple Store, and the awesome Genius offered me a one time replacement on my phone for free.  I wanted to hug him!

The car is still sitting there, and the drug bust house is still occupied, now with a new member and a pit bull...oh yay!  Hopefully I don't have another weekend like that anytime soon!

Vacation

As of today, I am on vacation until Tuesday, July 12th.  I plan on doing a lot of sleeping and cleaning of the pigsty we call a house over the next few days, and then?  I don't know, but it won't be work related, I can tell you that.

Sooo...

That didn't last long, huh?

Anyway.  Here's the thing.  I'm trying to live my life, not just bounce between blog posts.  And I spend way too much time on Facebook and stupid games, and this other site that I feels like a guilty pleasure (no I'm not sharing.) I've cut back on those items, and I'm trying to spend more time being productive.  I don't just mean in the get the house cleaned and bills paid way.  I mean in tickling my kids, going blueberry picking, making jam, etc.  All the things I love to do.  And here's where I struggle.  I want to blog about some of these things.  I want this to be like a diary of sorts of our days.  But I've always sucked at keeping a diary.  And it seems like I spend so much time doing the things that I enjoy, and working, that there just isn't time for the blogging stuff.  I'm okay with that to a certain extent, but something has got to give a little.  Because now I'm slowly losing my time to do fun stuff, and it seems all I'm doing is work, chores, chauffeuring, etc. And it's taking it's toll on my mind and body.

So I'm not going to apologize for being a bad blogger.  I've come to realize that most of the people I enjoy reading don't have jobs outside of their homes.  They are either freelancers or stay at home moms.  And I'm not. I work a full time job with three kids.  The simple fact is that I have to be up at 5:45 every morning to take my kids to school or camp or whatever and get to work on time.  And then I have to leave work and spend the rest of my free time taking care of the things that need taken care of.  This is the season I'm in, and it's probably not going to end for quite a few more years.  I have to come to terms with this, or I have to figure out how to no longer be a worker bee.

This is a work in progress. We shall see.

I'm trying

to be a better blogger.  I want to blog.  I have tons of things I want to share.  And then I can never find the gumption to actually write the words.  But I'm going to try. So for the rest of this week, I've told myself that there is no pressure to write great posts.   So I'm just going to throw some words up here each day.

It is hot here. We normally don't have 100 degree days until July or August.  But yesterday was 95 and today is supposed to be even hotter.  We've had ozone action days for the last week.  My 12 year old's gym teacher decided they should still go outside for gym.  He's lucky she didn't end up in an asthma attack...argh.

I'm so ready for school to be over.  4 more days, and three of those are half days.  I'm tired of homework.  The 12 year old was up until almost 11 finishing an assignment tonight.

I made potato skins tonight.  My kids were amazed!  Silly kids.

Things I've been enjoying...

Jason Mraz and Jack Johnson stations on Pandora.

Getting a long awaited sewing project underway, and hopefully done soon.

Camping with my family.

Hiking up a mountain, including a rock scramble.

Seeing my oldest graduate from high school in the top 5% of her class, and anticipating her new future.

Seeing my oldest enjoying her friends at her graduation party, and seeing how effortlessly they include the younger kids in their group.

Seeing activities starting to come to an end, so that we have some nights at home again.

Watching my middle child as she is inducted into NJHS.  She is such a smart one...and so loved by everyone.

Watching my baby excel in reading and being a friend and baseball.

Latest creation

The weekly roundup

I may start trying to do this.  I find a lot of well written thoughts on the various blogs, and usually want to just add a little blurb, so I'll share here.

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry wrote the most beautiful words about grace and gratitude the other day:

I begin to question myself. Is it something I did? Have I become less of a person? Is my heart not as grateful as it used to be? I hope not but it’s possible. So, I’m watching myself, I’m trying to be careful. I want to live with grace and gratitude, I don’t want to be bitter and wear ugliness on my sleeve and I try to be aware of this at all times but maybe I’ve let it slip past me.

Seriously, go read the whole post.  Then read the rest of her site. She is such a sweet woman, and I love getting a little taste of my (sort of) home state that I miss so much.

Mir at Woulda Coulda Shoulda always makes me laugh and cry, usually in one post.  She also writes at Off Our Chests, and I loved this post.  I struggle with my body image, and I've been trying so hard to change my habits.  Having girl children has helped, as I never want them to feel about their bodies like I have about mine, so I bite my tongue so much about my body when they are around.

Random thoughts

I suck right now.  I can't keep anything together.  Part of me realizes I'm like this every spring, but it does seem to get worse every year.  Work is a crazy mess, our schedule is a crazy mess, I'm not doing any of the things I want to do (because I like to sleep...the 6 or so hours I'm eeking out these days isn't enough, so I definitely can't decrease that number any.)

I started blogging to share, and to record.  And I'm sucking hugely at that.  So, I'm going to start throwing some little random thoughts up.  I'm trying to slowly clean up some of the parts of these here space as well.

Last night Monster had his third baseball game.  Can I just tell you that 7-8 year old boys are the sweetest age for baseball.  (Girls are probably cute at that age with baseball as well, but we don't have any on our team.)  They are really starting to understand the fundamentals of the game, but they are still so excited when something works right, and aren't afraid to show their enthusiasm.  Of course it helps that we have an awesome team with a great coach.  Really, I've been very impressed with our coach this year. He has worked hard on teaching the fundamentals to these kids, making sure that they do things the correct way without sounding like he is harping.  And you see that when you watch them play another team.  Our boys know what they are supposed to be doing.  They aren't perfect, and they still miss a lot, but the basic principles are there. And of course, they are just so sweet looking in their uniforms.

PB (I need new nicknames...hmm, have to work on that) is doing so great.  She was selected to participate in Mandarin Chinese classes through the school next year.  She is so excited, and so am I.  She's going to end up being so smart it's expensive :)

Bug is graduating in a little over a month.  She was accepted into several schools, but will probably be going to the in state school and living at home.  She has a sweet set up and knows it...lol.  Seriously, besides saving us some cash, it gives us a chance to help her mature some more.  She has the academics down, but some of those life skills need a little work.

Wow, that sounds like a Christmas letter...lol.

Spring days...at last?

Today was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, I went for a walk, I had windows open, it was gorgeous.  Unfortunately, we only have these every 7 or 8 days for the last several weeks.  I need real spring to get here now!

The trees are blooming though.  We've spent time at the park, and working in the yard, and gone for some walks.  Now to get the back porch cleaned off so we can hang out there, eating dinner or enjoying a fire.

What's your favorite part of spring?

dealing with death

Growing up, I was doted on by all four of my grandparents.  On my dad's side of the family, I was the baby, born of the baby.  I spent a month every summer with my grandparents, visited them several times a year, and was the apple of their eye.  I practically lived with my mom's parents until I was 9, when my grandfather died.  My grandmother was a homemaker, and watched me while my mom worked.  Since my mom was a single mom and my dad wasn't very good about sending the meager child support he was supposed to pay, sometimes that would be my mom working 2 or 3 jobs at a time.  The majority of the time that I wasn't in school, I was at my grandparent's house.  And on weekends we were together, camping, going to boat or camper shows, etc.  I adored my grandfather, and I loved my grandmother.

Once my grandfather died, we moved back to my parent's home state, and over the next several year my dad's parents passed.  I was sad, I loved them so much, but I was young and resilient.

In early January, my grandmother went into the hospital with a collapsed lung.  After three weeks, a minor heart attack, a bit of time on the ventilator, and a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis, she was released to my mother's house with hospice on a Saturday.  On Wednesday evening she passed away.

Her passing was bittersweet.  She was 86 years old, and had lived a full life.  She wasn't in much pain, and she wasn't suffering for a long time....but it's always sad when people pass.

It's amazing the work that goes into burying the dead.  Three weeks and lots of work later, it seems to mostly be resolved, but wow has it been a lot.  

In a few months, my mother and I will be sitting down to discuss her wishes.  My grandmother refused to do this, and I really feel that it made it harder for my mom.

RIP Grandma.  I do love you.

Life is hectic

I've been enjoying a much needed visit with my Best Friend in the whole world.  Work is going crazy, my husbands job is driving him nuts, the weather sucks majorly, but life sure does look better after a few days with here here :)

Now if I could figure out a way to get her closer more often...

It's Christmas Eve...and

I've had several post ideas that just didn't flesh out.  I've got 7 days shots backed up.  I have projects to finish and wrapping to complete and there is still church this evening.

But first, I have to tell you how I've cried so many tears this year.  So many bad things exist in the world.  My teenager and I had a discussion about this recently...she feels that there is way more wrong with the world than there is good, and that made me so sad.

I wish she knew people like Jenny, and Heather.  And all the people that responded to their requests...all the people who really cared, and believed that one small act can make a big difference.

I'm so happy to hear about things like this.  I'm happy when I hear about people helping people.  Maybe we can't fix the big things that are wrong, but we can make the world better for at least a few.

Merry Christmas everyone.  Please cherish all that you have in your life!

Brenda is one of the first people I met through the internet.  I've read her blog for years, and I was so pleased to find her as wonderful in person as she seems on her blog.  The last month has seen some big changes for her and her bug.  To make Christmas a little sweeter, and working to earn money so much easier, Heather is running a sweet program.  If you could squeeze a few extra dollars from your budget, check out the great project to make Brenda feel the love!

A Doctor's Visit- growing up version

So I took the kids to the doctor's earlier this week for their annual well-visits, with a side of shots.  I really can't remember if I posted about this before, but taking my kids for shots is akin to wrestling an octopus while someone tries to tranquilize it.  To say that they hate getting shots would be an understatement. 

Several years ago, PB had to get shots unexpectedly.  While we waited for the nurse to come back in, she chanted "I'll do it tomorrow" over and over working herself into a frenzy.  By the time the nurse came in (10 minutes later), we had to have another nurse come help hold her down so that the first nurse could give her a the shot.  She screamed and cried and thrashed about.  It was hell, and I was crying by the end of it.  The Monster's next visit wasn't as bad, but was still hard.

So the next year, I didn't tell them they were getting shots.  They didn't ask, and I didn't tell (I am a military wife you know ).  When the nurse brought the shots in, my sons look could have killed me.  It was still hard, but at least it was only hard for a minute or so.

This year, I was upfront. I told them earlier in the week that they had doctor's appts, and that they would be getting shots.  My mom offered to go with us, and I thought that would be great.  Normally, I'm busy trying to help the child currently getting shots and I feel like I'm not "there" for the other one.  But of course, this time, both of them took them like champs.  Figures.  The nurses have gotten smart, and they give the kids those frozen Popsicle tubes.  They have them hold them where they are going to give the shot for a few minutes, and once the shots are done they can eat them.  That helped A LOT!

I had quite a few chuckles in that room though.  My son has a toe that makes a popping noise.  It is one of his greatest pleasures in life to sit with his sisters, put his foot on them and make his toe pop.  This elicits great shrieks of "ew gross, get it off me!" from the girls, which of course sends him into great gales of laughter. Being the mama, I was concerned and asked the doctor about it.  She confirmed that it seemed okay, that we all have joints that popped.  She then told him he shouldn't torment his sisters like that, as it was bad for his toe.  He said darn, and she told him he would have to find another way to torment her.  Much giggling ensued.

After it was all over, I had to praise them.  I often tell my kids that sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and they may even hurt, but if it's necessary to stay healthy, we just have to suck it up and deal.  And that is what they did with the shots, and I am so proud of them.

And so happy I don't need the flask to get through an appointment any longer.

Happy Holidays

I hope you've begun to enjoy the Holiday Season!

Friday morning outlook

Yay, it's Friday!  Only 4 more working days until my mini-vacation.  Not going anywhere, just not going to work.  Yay!

Friday's are so nice.  Work is always quiet since a lot of people take Friday's off.  Of course, productivity could go either way on Friday.  Sometimes we all just want to stand around chat...it's Friday!  Sometimes it's nose to the grindstone...I don't want to have to deal with this next week.  I'm hoping today is a good blend of both.

Trying to get on track

The last few months have taken a toll on me.  My house is a mess (it's clean thanks to bi-weekly cleaning lady visits.)  My schedule is a mess.  My eating and exercising ae sad.

So, tonight I went to my first Zumba class.  It's some me time and I really enjoyed it.  I was working up a sweat in about 10 minutes.  Next week I tackle the eating habits.

And maybe this weekend I can get some cleaning done in the house.

Not a Wordless Wednesday

I wanted to do a Wordless Wednesday today, but my camera and I haven't been friends much lately.  I hope that changes soon.

Life has been way to hectic lately.  I've found myself wishing I had the time to stop and capture the beauty of fall.  This weekend I will carve out time to do just that.

Civic Duties

1. I voted today. I am very blessed to be able to do so, and I totally get that.
2. Luckily, I did not have the feeling of panic that I endured while voting two years ago.  Not because I felt so strongly about any of the candidates, but because the positions we were voting for didn't seem so important.  I understand that government at all levels is important.  The decisions that the elected officials make have a major impact on all parts of my life...from the trash pick up for my house to the paycheck I receive.  But when we vote for the Governor and President, it truly makes me sick to my stomach.  I didn't want to vote for either of the candidates in either of those races. 
3. I still didn't really care for the majority of the people listed on that ballot.  Most of the ones I wanted to (and some I did) vote for weren't going to win.  They were the Independent people...they just aren't going to win here.
4.  I voted for those people anyway.  I crossed my fingers, sent my wishes up high, and figured at the least, I wasn't voting for either of the people I really disliked.
5. I'm tired of the campaigning.  It isn't really about what anyone believes or is going to do for us, it's about what dirt they can dig up on their opponents.  Seriously, I'm from the state that has now been a joke on Saturday Night Live because there were reports that one of the candidates was a witch.  Really?  That's what is most important in the election?  How about we talk about the economy? Unemployment? Health care? Military spending...I could go on and on about the topics that should be covered. 
6.  I thought news outlets were supposed to be fair and impartial.  Hah.
7.  Campaign reform needs to happen.  Not just about fundraising and spending, but about how people campaign.
8.  I really don't care that you dabbled in witchcraft, that you are a Mormon or Christian or Agnostic, that you were divorced, that you like to have a glass of wine every night.  Those things (for the most part) don't matter.  None of us is perfect, and we have all done things in our life that we are not proud of.  If we learned from those things, grew and changed our ways, then we've lived a good life.  Move on and tell me what you are going to do in the future.  And then do it.
9.  Watching the results pour in, I'm sick to my stomach.  People talk about wanting change, that the system we have isn't working, but when push comes to shove, they vote the same way they always have, at least in the state I live in.
10.  I will wake up tomorrow, and nothing will have changed.  I will wake up in January and nothing will have changed.  While I truly believe that Democracy is a great thing, I am saddened by the direction our country is heading now.

On love and life and all the stuff in between

I married my husband thirteen years ago.  We met almost fourteen years ago.  We knew each other less than three months when he asked me to marry him and I agreed.  Eight months later we were married.  We almost gave up several times in those first five years.  There was love and happiness, but there was a lot of stress as well.  We were so poor, and struggling just to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and heat in the house.  We'd be so happy if we could make it to store without kids.  Jobs were lost, money was tight, life happened.  Somehow, we stuck it out.  And life got easier.  Marriage was easier. 

Then we prepared for a year apart, spent that year apart, and the last year getting readjusted.  Again it hasn't been easy.  I am not the best at long distance relationships of any kind.  I have a hard time with the work that goes into staying connected and involved.  Perhaps that's why I am only close to one person from my college days, and only stay in touch with others from high school and college by Facebook.  I want to do better, but the time and energy are used up elsewhere.  But with my husband, I worked.  I worked hard that year.

And it's still not easy.  The relationship changed.  We've had our struggles this year.  After being the sole person in charge of the household for a year, it's hard to reintegrate another adult.  After a year of only being responsible for himself and some basic chores besides work, it's hard to reintegrate into life with kids, household responsibilities, and less freedom.  And I'll admit, for a while there, we sucked.  It wasn't working.  And it was hard.

But through it all, I tried to remember one fact.  I love this man.  Even during the hardest times, when I want to scream and yell and cry and fight, I love him. I committed to being his wife, through all of the times, not just the good or easy ones.  And what sort of role model would I be for my children if I just quit whenever the going got rough.

It's still not easy.  He's going to school full time at night while also working full time. He misses things, he can't help out as much around the house and with the kids.  I get frustrated...I need a break, and I don't see him offering one, and I get mad.  He gets frustrated for the same reasons.  But I take a deep breath, and remind myself that this too shall pass.

Let me clarify here, I am not saying that you should never consider divorce, that YOU should stick it out no matter what.  There are many situations in which you should leave.  Each person deserves to be happy, to live their best life.  And if divorce is the only way to do so, then so be it.  I will do my best to not judge you, especially if I know how hard you've worked, how much you struggled.  But I will be sad for you, and I will wish that things could be different. 

As for me, I've told my husband this before, and I post it here for all the world to see.  I am committed to our marriage.  I am committed to making it be all that it can be, to working through the hard times, enjoying the fun times, and to still be doing so when we are old.

Wow, do I have stories to tell

I had a small procedure, ended up with pneumonia, got an (old) iPhone, had the screen crack, our hot water heater broke, and my laptop is possessed.  I also went on a really cool tour of a bridge being built.  Hopefully, I'll feel up to blogging shortly...I have lots to share!

We all like to Do Fun Stuff!

I've been reading Ryan over at Pacing the Panic Room for close to two years now.  I love the way he writes, and his photography is amazing.  I got hooked when he did a maternity series with his wife, Cole.  It's amazing to see how much he wants to change the world, and how motivated he is.

His step-son, LB, has SMS.  This is a disease that won't go away, and that will cause him issues through out the rest of his life.  Unfortunately, it's a very rare disease, and therefore there isn't a lot of information out there. This past week was his 6th birthday, and in honor of that occasion, Ryan worked over the last year to put together an Album to raise funds for SMS research.  The proceeds from Do Fun Stuff go into a fund which will provide grants to grad students who choose to make this disease their area of study.  And the music is great for Kids and Adults, so we can enjoy it with our children!

Today, this album launches on Itunes.  And all over the blogosphere, people are writing about it.  But the best write up at all can be found at PTPR, written by Ryan himself.  You can also click the really cut widget below to go to the Do Fun Stuff website.

Please, if you have kids, or just love pop music, here's a way to help and have some enjoyment at the same time.  And you never know, you might find a new favorite band!

The end of the freedom days.

I can't believe August is over half over...summer is coming to an end.  The kids start school later this week.  I wonder where the summer went?  Didn't it just start last week? 

I try to remind myself that going back to school doesn't signal the real end of summer...the weather will stay hot, and then warm, through all of September, and even into October.  We'll have days in November that you can be outside in a long sleeve shirt and still be comfortable.  But for some reason, summer signifies freedom.  And with school starting back, that freedom is limited to the weekend.  I'm just not ready for that.  Neither is my boy...he's wishing for more swimming, more sand castle building and wave riding, more sleeping late and watching tv and hanging out in pj's a bunch.  This week will be bittersweet for sure.

I've not written much the last few weeks, heck the last few months.  I've been going through one of those seasons of life...the ones that feel a bit melancholy, and that sap your will to do much.  I'm feeling like I'm starting to wake up from it, but I also feel like I missed summer...a month or two gone to this melancholy.

Perhaps I can cram a few more summer experiences in before the weather reminds me that fall is here.

completed

So the trailer is gone, the yard is mowed and trimmed, I actually planted a few (clearance) bedding plants, the back deck is usable.  Yay for us!  It looks like we actually care about the house we own again!

Good thing I'm not inviting you inside.  Goodness, I need some motivation and time off at the same time. Problem is that doesn't seem to be happening much lately.

Now, we're off to get Bug from the airport, with a stop at Ikea.  Whoo hoo, I love going to Ikea.

Cleaning it up

Hubby and I have several big-ish projects we've been working on around the house this summer. Unfortunately, with all the extra things and beach time, these projects haven't made it to the finished stage just yet. We've been remodeling our back deck, and cleaning out the garage and sprucing it up with paint and epoxy.

So, for the last couple of months, we've had an awning in our back yard housing the saw (see here) and a large trailer in our front yard.

We went through a period with high heat and no rain, so we weren't mowing. Then it rained, and we couldn't mow. As we're finishing up moving everything out of the garage into the trailer so we can expoxy the floor, I realize that the yard is out of control. And suddenly, I start laughing.

It looked like we were going into foreclosure.

I'm not going to lie, times are tight in our household. But the mortgage is the one thing that always gets paid and paid on time...we have it come right out of my hubby's paycheck. We aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

So last week I mowed. But the weedeater was in the storage trailer...way at the front. So it still looked scraggly.

This weekend I mowed and began pulling weeds. Last night, hubby trimmed with the weedeater and I finished pulling weeds.

By the end of this week, the trailer will be gone. And hopefully in the next few weeks, the back porch will be done. Just in time to enjoy the cooler weather that will be coming with back to school.

And I still want to put a sign in the yard...no, we aren't leaving!

Updates?

Oh my, it's been a busy month! We've gone on vacation, the kids have had camp and camping, we celebrated National Ice Cream Day, met the internet again, and have just been busy. I have a ton of posts to sit down and type, but no stinking time right now. So this is my post. Later tonight, I hope to get moving with all the updates!