Vacation

As of today, I am on vacation until Tuesday, July 12th.  I plan on doing a lot of sleeping and cleaning of the pigsty we call a house over the next few days, and then?  I don't know, but it won't be work related, I can tell you that.

Sooo...

That didn't last long, huh?

Anyway.  Here's the thing.  I'm trying to live my life, not just bounce between blog posts.  And I spend way too much time on Facebook and stupid games, and this other site that I feels like a guilty pleasure (no I'm not sharing.) I've cut back on those items, and I'm trying to spend more time being productive.  I don't just mean in the get the house cleaned and bills paid way.  I mean in tickling my kids, going blueberry picking, making jam, etc.  All the things I love to do.  And here's where I struggle.  I want to blog about some of these things.  I want this to be like a diary of sorts of our days.  But I've always sucked at keeping a diary.  And it seems like I spend so much time doing the things that I enjoy, and working, that there just isn't time for the blogging stuff.  I'm okay with that to a certain extent, but something has got to give a little.  Because now I'm slowly losing my time to do fun stuff, and it seems all I'm doing is work, chores, chauffeuring, etc. And it's taking it's toll on my mind and body.

So I'm not going to apologize for being a bad blogger.  I've come to realize that most of the people I enjoy reading don't have jobs outside of their homes.  They are either freelancers or stay at home moms.  And I'm not. I work a full time job with three kids.  The simple fact is that I have to be up at 5:45 every morning to take my kids to school or camp or whatever and get to work on time.  And then I have to leave work and spend the rest of my free time taking care of the things that need taken care of.  This is the season I'm in, and it's probably not going to end for quite a few more years.  I have to come to terms with this, or I have to figure out how to no longer be a worker bee.

This is a work in progress. We shall see.

I'm trying

to be a better blogger.  I want to blog.  I have tons of things I want to share.  And then I can never find the gumption to actually write the words.  But I'm going to try. So for the rest of this week, I've told myself that there is no pressure to write great posts.   So I'm just going to throw some words up here each day.

It is hot here. We normally don't have 100 degree days until July or August.  But yesterday was 95 and today is supposed to be even hotter.  We've had ozone action days for the last week.  My 12 year old's gym teacher decided they should still go outside for gym.  He's lucky she didn't end up in an asthma attack...argh.

I'm so ready for school to be over.  4 more days, and three of those are half days.  I'm tired of homework.  The 12 year old was up until almost 11 finishing an assignment tonight.

I made potato skins tonight.  My kids were amazed!  Silly kids.

Things I've been enjoying...

Jason Mraz and Jack Johnson stations on Pandora.

Getting a long awaited sewing project underway, and hopefully done soon.

Camping with my family.

Hiking up a mountain, including a rock scramble.

Seeing my oldest graduate from high school in the top 5% of her class, and anticipating her new future.

Seeing my oldest enjoying her friends at her graduation party, and seeing how effortlessly they include the younger kids in their group.

Seeing activities starting to come to an end, so that we have some nights at home again.

Watching my middle child as she is inducted into NJHS.  She is such a smart one...and so loved by everyone.

Watching my baby excel in reading and being a friend and baseball.

Latest creation

The weekly roundup

I may start trying to do this.  I find a lot of well written thoughts on the various blogs, and usually want to just add a little blurb, so I'll share here.

Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry wrote the most beautiful words about grace and gratitude the other day:

I begin to question myself. Is it something I did? Have I become less of a person? Is my heart not as grateful as it used to be? I hope not but it’s possible. So, I’m watching myself, I’m trying to be careful. I want to live with grace and gratitude, I don’t want to be bitter and wear ugliness on my sleeve and I try to be aware of this at all times but maybe I’ve let it slip past me.

Seriously, go read the whole post.  Then read the rest of her site. She is such a sweet woman, and I love getting a little taste of my (sort of) home state that I miss so much.

Mir at Woulda Coulda Shoulda always makes me laugh and cry, usually in one post.  She also writes at Off Our Chests, and I loved this post.  I struggle with my body image, and I've been trying so hard to change my habits.  Having girl children has helped, as I never want them to feel about their bodies like I have about mine, so I bite my tongue so much about my body when they are around.

Random thoughts

I suck right now.  I can't keep anything together.  Part of me realizes I'm like this every spring, but it does seem to get worse every year.  Work is a crazy mess, our schedule is a crazy mess, I'm not doing any of the things I want to do (because I like to sleep...the 6 or so hours I'm eeking out these days isn't enough, so I definitely can't decrease that number any.)

I started blogging to share, and to record.  And I'm sucking hugely at that.  So, I'm going to start throwing some little random thoughts up.  I'm trying to slowly clean up some of the parts of these here space as well.

Last night Monster had his third baseball game.  Can I just tell you that 7-8 year old boys are the sweetest age for baseball.  (Girls are probably cute at that age with baseball as well, but we don't have any on our team.)  They are really starting to understand the fundamentals of the game, but they are still so excited when something works right, and aren't afraid to show their enthusiasm.  Of course it helps that we have an awesome team with a great coach.  Really, I've been very impressed with our coach this year. He has worked hard on teaching the fundamentals to these kids, making sure that they do things the correct way without sounding like he is harping.  And you see that when you watch them play another team.  Our boys know what they are supposed to be doing.  They aren't perfect, and they still miss a lot, but the basic principles are there. And of course, they are just so sweet looking in their uniforms.

PB (I need new nicknames...hmm, have to work on that) is doing so great.  She was selected to participate in Mandarin Chinese classes through the school next year.  She is so excited, and so am I.  She's going to end up being so smart it's expensive :)

Bug is graduating in a little over a month.  She was accepted into several schools, but will probably be going to the in state school and living at home.  She has a sweet set up and knows it...lol.  Seriously, besides saving us some cash, it gives us a chance to help her mature some more.  She has the academics down, but some of those life skills need a little work.

Wow, that sounds like a Christmas letter...lol.

Spring days...at last?

Today was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, I went for a walk, I had windows open, it was gorgeous.  Unfortunately, we only have these every 7 or 8 days for the last several weeks.  I need real spring to get here now!

The trees are blooming though.  We've spent time at the park, and working in the yard, and gone for some walks.  Now to get the back porch cleaned off so we can hang out there, eating dinner or enjoying a fire.

What's your favorite part of spring?

dealing with death

Growing up, I was doted on by all four of my grandparents.  On my dad's side of the family, I was the baby, born of the baby.  I spent a month every summer with my grandparents, visited them several times a year, and was the apple of their eye.  I practically lived with my mom's parents until I was 9, when my grandfather died.  My grandmother was a homemaker, and watched me while my mom worked.  Since my mom was a single mom and my dad wasn't very good about sending the meager child support he was supposed to pay, sometimes that would be my mom working 2 or 3 jobs at a time.  The majority of the time that I wasn't in school, I was at my grandparent's house.  And on weekends we were together, camping, going to boat or camper shows, etc.  I adored my grandfather, and I loved my grandmother.

Once my grandfather died, we moved back to my parent's home state, and over the next several year my dad's parents passed.  I was sad, I loved them so much, but I was young and resilient.

In early January, my grandmother went into the hospital with a collapsed lung.  After three weeks, a minor heart attack, a bit of time on the ventilator, and a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis, she was released to my mother's house with hospice on a Saturday.  On Wednesday evening she passed away.

Her passing was bittersweet.  She was 86 years old, and had lived a full life.  She wasn't in much pain, and she wasn't suffering for a long time....but it's always sad when people pass.

It's amazing the work that goes into burying the dead.  Three weeks and lots of work later, it seems to mostly be resolved, but wow has it been a lot.  

In a few months, my mother and I will be sitting down to discuss her wishes.  My grandmother refused to do this, and I really feel that it made it harder for my mom.

RIP Grandma.  I do love you.

Life is hectic

I've been enjoying a much needed visit with my Best Friend in the whole world.  Work is going crazy, my husbands job is driving him nuts, the weather sucks majorly, but life sure does look better after a few days with here here :)

Now if I could figure out a way to get her closer more often...

It's Christmas Eve...and

I've had several post ideas that just didn't flesh out.  I've got 7 days shots backed up.  I have projects to finish and wrapping to complete and there is still church this evening.

But first, I have to tell you how I've cried so many tears this year.  So many bad things exist in the world.  My teenager and I had a discussion about this recently...she feels that there is way more wrong with the world than there is good, and that made me so sad.

I wish she knew people like Jenny, and Heather.  And all the people that responded to their requests...all the people who really cared, and believed that one small act can make a big difference.

I'm so happy to hear about things like this.  I'm happy when I hear about people helping people.  Maybe we can't fix the big things that are wrong, but we can make the world better for at least a few.

Merry Christmas everyone.  Please cherish all that you have in your life!

Brenda is one of the first people I met through the internet.  I've read her blog for years, and I was so pleased to find her as wonderful in person as she seems on her blog.  The last month has seen some big changes for her and her bug.  To make Christmas a little sweeter, and working to earn money so much easier, Heather is running a sweet program.  If you could squeeze a few extra dollars from your budget, check out the great project to make Brenda feel the love!

A Doctor's Visit- growing up version

So I took the kids to the doctor's earlier this week for their annual well-visits, with a side of shots.  I really can't remember if I posted about this before, but taking my kids for shots is akin to wrestling an octopus while someone tries to tranquilize it.  To say that they hate getting shots would be an understatement. 

Several years ago, PB had to get shots unexpectedly.  While we waited for the nurse to come back in, she chanted "I'll do it tomorrow" over and over working herself into a frenzy.  By the time the nurse came in (10 minutes later), we had to have another nurse come help hold her down so that the first nurse could give her a the shot.  She screamed and cried and thrashed about.  It was hell, and I was crying by the end of it.  The Monster's next visit wasn't as bad, but was still hard.

So the next year, I didn't tell them they were getting shots.  They didn't ask, and I didn't tell (I am a military wife you know ).  When the nurse brought the shots in, my sons look could have killed me.  It was still hard, but at least it was only hard for a minute or so.

This year, I was upfront. I told them earlier in the week that they had doctor's appts, and that they would be getting shots.  My mom offered to go with us, and I thought that would be great.  Normally, I'm busy trying to help the child currently getting shots and I feel like I'm not "there" for the other one.  But of course, this time, both of them took them like champs.  Figures.  The nurses have gotten smart, and they give the kids those frozen Popsicle tubes.  They have them hold them where they are going to give the shot for a few minutes, and once the shots are done they can eat them.  That helped A LOT!

I had quite a few chuckles in that room though.  My son has a toe that makes a popping noise.  It is one of his greatest pleasures in life to sit with his sisters, put his foot on them and make his toe pop.  This elicits great shrieks of "ew gross, get it off me!" from the girls, which of course sends him into great gales of laughter. Being the mama, I was concerned and asked the doctor about it.  She confirmed that it seemed okay, that we all have joints that popped.  She then told him he shouldn't torment his sisters like that, as it was bad for his toe.  He said darn, and she told him he would have to find another way to torment her.  Much giggling ensued.

After it was all over, I had to praise them.  I often tell my kids that sometimes we have to do things we don't like, and they may even hurt, but if it's necessary to stay healthy, we just have to suck it up and deal.  And that is what they did with the shots, and I am so proud of them.

And so happy I don't need the flask to get through an appointment any longer.

Happy Holidays

I hope you've begun to enjoy the Holiday Season!

Friday morning outlook

Yay, it's Friday!  Only 4 more working days until my mini-vacation.  Not going anywhere, just not going to work.  Yay!

Friday's are so nice.  Work is always quiet since a lot of people take Friday's off.  Of course, productivity could go either way on Friday.  Sometimes we all just want to stand around chat...it's Friday!  Sometimes it's nose to the grindstone...I don't want to have to deal with this next week.  I'm hoping today is a good blend of both.

Trying to get on track

The last few months have taken a toll on me.  My house is a mess (it's clean thanks to bi-weekly cleaning lady visits.)  My schedule is a mess.  My eating and exercising ae sad.

So, tonight I went to my first Zumba class.  It's some me time and I really enjoyed it.  I was working up a sweat in about 10 minutes.  Next week I tackle the eating habits.

And maybe this weekend I can get some cleaning done in the house.

Not a Wordless Wednesday

I wanted to do a Wordless Wednesday today, but my camera and I haven't been friends much lately.  I hope that changes soon.

Life has been way to hectic lately.  I've found myself wishing I had the time to stop and capture the beauty of fall.  This weekend I will carve out time to do just that.

Civic Duties

1. I voted today. I am very blessed to be able to do so, and I totally get that.
2. Luckily, I did not have the feeling of panic that I endured while voting two years ago.  Not because I felt so strongly about any of the candidates, but because the positions we were voting for didn't seem so important.  I understand that government at all levels is important.  The decisions that the elected officials make have a major impact on all parts of my life...from the trash pick up for my house to the paycheck I receive.  But when we vote for the Governor and President, it truly makes me sick to my stomach.  I didn't want to vote for either of the candidates in either of those races. 
3. I still didn't really care for the majority of the people listed on that ballot.  Most of the ones I wanted to (and some I did) vote for weren't going to win.  They were the Independent people...they just aren't going to win here.
4.  I voted for those people anyway.  I crossed my fingers, sent my wishes up high, and figured at the least, I wasn't voting for either of the people I really disliked.
5. I'm tired of the campaigning.  It isn't really about what anyone believes or is going to do for us, it's about what dirt they can dig up on their opponents.  Seriously, I'm from the state that has now been a joke on Saturday Night Live because there were reports that one of the candidates was a witch.  Really?  That's what is most important in the election?  How about we talk about the economy? Unemployment? Health care? Military spending...I could go on and on about the topics that should be covered. 
6.  I thought news outlets were supposed to be fair and impartial.  Hah.
7.  Campaign reform needs to happen.  Not just about fundraising and spending, but about how people campaign.
8.  I really don't care that you dabbled in witchcraft, that you are a Mormon or Christian or Agnostic, that you were divorced, that you like to have a glass of wine every night.  Those things (for the most part) don't matter.  None of us is perfect, and we have all done things in our life that we are not proud of.  If we learned from those things, grew and changed our ways, then we've lived a good life.  Move on and tell me what you are going to do in the future.  And then do it.
9.  Watching the results pour in, I'm sick to my stomach.  People talk about wanting change, that the system we have isn't working, but when push comes to shove, they vote the same way they always have, at least in the state I live in.
10.  I will wake up tomorrow, and nothing will have changed.  I will wake up in January and nothing will have changed.  While I truly believe that Democracy is a great thing, I am saddened by the direction our country is heading now.

On love and life and all the stuff in between

I married my husband thirteen years ago.  We met almost fourteen years ago.  We knew each other less than three months when he asked me to marry him and I agreed.  Eight months later we were married.  We almost gave up several times in those first five years.  There was love and happiness, but there was a lot of stress as well.  We were so poor, and struggling just to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and heat in the house.  We'd be so happy if we could make it to store without kids.  Jobs were lost, money was tight, life happened.  Somehow, we stuck it out.  And life got easier.  Marriage was easier. 

Then we prepared for a year apart, spent that year apart, and the last year getting readjusted.  Again it hasn't been easy.  I am not the best at long distance relationships of any kind.  I have a hard time with the work that goes into staying connected and involved.  Perhaps that's why I am only close to one person from my college days, and only stay in touch with others from high school and college by Facebook.  I want to do better, but the time and energy are used up elsewhere.  But with my husband, I worked.  I worked hard that year.

And it's still not easy.  The relationship changed.  We've had our struggles this year.  After being the sole person in charge of the household for a year, it's hard to reintegrate another adult.  After a year of only being responsible for himself and some basic chores besides work, it's hard to reintegrate into life with kids, household responsibilities, and less freedom.  And I'll admit, for a while there, we sucked.  It wasn't working.  And it was hard.

But through it all, I tried to remember one fact.  I love this man.  Even during the hardest times, when I want to scream and yell and cry and fight, I love him. I committed to being his wife, through all of the times, not just the good or easy ones.  And what sort of role model would I be for my children if I just quit whenever the going got rough.

It's still not easy.  He's going to school full time at night while also working full time. He misses things, he can't help out as much around the house and with the kids.  I get frustrated...I need a break, and I don't see him offering one, and I get mad.  He gets frustrated for the same reasons.  But I take a deep breath, and remind myself that this too shall pass.

Let me clarify here, I am not saying that you should never consider divorce, that YOU should stick it out no matter what.  There are many situations in which you should leave.  Each person deserves to be happy, to live their best life.  And if divorce is the only way to do so, then so be it.  I will do my best to not judge you, especially if I know how hard you've worked, how much you struggled.  But I will be sad for you, and I will wish that things could be different. 

As for me, I've told my husband this before, and I post it here for all the world to see.  I am committed to our marriage.  I am committed to making it be all that it can be, to working through the hard times, enjoying the fun times, and to still be doing so when we are old.

Wow, do I have stories to tell

I had a small procedure, ended up with pneumonia, got an (old) iPhone, had the screen crack, our hot water heater broke, and my laptop is possessed.  I also went on a really cool tour of a bridge being built.  Hopefully, I'll feel up to blogging shortly...I have lots to share!